question for the MEN

[BUTAFLY]

I posted this in the wrong section origianlly, So I brought it here

 

As a man: would you choose a good mother and a good provider over a person whom you love and have fun with? Is love not enough?

 

Ladies, if you want to weigh in go ahead.

[ReluctantRomeo]

This is another of these artificial dichotomies, IMO.

 

Both are important. I wouldn't date a girl who was no fun, but I wouldn't date one that I thought would be a bad mother, either.

[a4a]

As a female I would pick the fun and love..... I don't want or care for kids so a fatherly attributes mean squat to me. As for provider....... well that would be nice, but you never know what will happen in life and you have to rely on yourself.

 

vote for fun and love with respect thrown in.

 

a4a

[witabix]

I agree with RR.

 

I'd like to add though that the qualities you speak of are usually not mutually exclusive

 

Some one whom I did not love and was no fun would be very unlikely to ever bear me any children, better call the sperm bank, and conversely someone who is fun and I love and wishes to have children would probably be a good mother.

[TUDOR]

Love is never enough. Love is easy to find and just as easy to loose if you don't do what it takes to maintain it and nurish it. That being said I would choose love and fun over the prospect of them being a good mother and provider to my would be children every day.

 

Before there should ever be the thought of children you should be looking for your perfect match/partner. Not a perfect person because they don't exist but who is most perfect for you and your needs. Finding that person and having a relationship filled with love will help to sustain you through anything life throws your way including raising children. If you neglect your needs and wants to simple find the best babysitter you will end up unhappy and an unhappy person in an unhappy marriage is no example for children.

 

It isn't a matter of which comes first the chicken or the egg, this is your life we are talking about. While everyone with children will always make sacrifices for their children sake, don't make those sacrifices needlessly and not give yourself a chance at happiness.

[Curmudgeon]

I can't imagine marrying someone I wasn't in love and didn't have fun with. By the same token, I can't imagine loving someone I didn't think would be a good mother if I wanted children. In my mind, the two values go hand-in-hand.

 

Having said that, I was once married to someone who turned out to be a mediocre mother at best and lousy in the end.

 

There are't any guarantees!

[janusp]

Would you stay with a woman who is a good mother, even though she has changed after marriage and no longer is fun and appealing to you?

[BUTAFLY]

say you met two women. One is you adverage nice women...a good provider, (good job, finacially stable) pays most of the bills, owns home, nice car, doesn't 'get' your friends and family events is a chore to her but she will tolerate them. Your not in love but she you figure she has alot going for her.

 

the second women your attracted to, witty, similar interests, gets along with family and friends, but not finacially stable, rents, leases car, works two jobs to make ends meet, your in love with her, look forward to being with her,but she not as finacially stable as women number one.

 

which do you choose?

[Curmudgeon]

I choose the one who makes me happy because how much money she makes, or not, doesn't matter. I make enough for both of us and anything she does bring in is a nice to have, not a need to have. My happiness, however, is decidedly the latter.