Why do some women seem to seek out married men?

[StrivingtoSucceed]

Silk - tried PMing you and it doesn't show as an option on your file. Can you pm me?

[silktricks]

Of course, I think that came about b/c he felt that I was telling him that he HAD to end his friendship with her (thereby placing the blame on me) ... when I told him he could do what he wants, but that I wasn't going to accept it and that he would be responsible for the consequences, whether they were good, or bad, is when he stopped trying to be friends with her. I can see how the back and forth would create a lot of uncertainty specifically for the OW.

 

This would make it harder. My H absolutely wanted nothing else to do with the OW. He initiated the NC. Sometimes when I get scared he reminds me (at times with a LOT of frustration) that he has zero interest in her, or any woman other than me.

 

Once I said that after all I've put him through over an EA that he probably wishes that it had been a physical relationship. (He almost threw up.)

 

He doesn't say that he didn't do anything wrong though. He knows that if I had a hidden friendship with another man he would have had the same kind of issues that I am having.

 

Part of what caused our problems were that I work almost exclusively with men and couldn't (or refused to) face and deal with his jealousy. I knew I wasn't interested in any of them and couldn't (or refused to) understand that didn't necessarily translate into him feeling safe.

 

As a result, we stopped communicating the way we had for most of our lives. He felt I didn't care, I felt he didn't care. I went my way and didn't really care anymore if he went his. I was on my out of our marriage when he finally realized that he didn't want it to end. I had never wanted it to end, but was unable to continue as things were. Oddly enough, he said that it was because I started treating him nice again. Knowing what was going on in my brain at the time, it's hard to believe. I actually think I was treating him worse.

 

Fortunately, I believe that we will never get into that bad a straight again. I'm sure we'll have problems again, but we both really learned from this one. The key is communicate, communicate, communicate. If you're mad, communicate. If your happy, communicate. If you want a friend, have your friend be your spouse. Do things together. When something he/she likes bores you to tears, do it anyway, at least some of the time. But communicate what you are doing and why. Don't assume that the other person understands. If you don't tell them, the odds are that they won'd know.