erika2610 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Oh yeah, those are the oldies but goodies. They seem to work more than you think don't they?!!! It's always about circumstances in the end. I really believe that. It's just a shame that W/M get played with words. I am an action type of woman, I see it, I believe it. Words don't mean so much without the action that follows. It shows truth in character if you know what I mean. I know what ya mean. And yea, they do work more than ya think.. my MM worked where I was maybe 20-25 hours a week, then another job 50-60 hours a week. I just hear he's not doing well now.. he's got 2 women, which makes me think he's torn now. Guess this girl's just that much more special.. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Would I do this again? No, I would not. I created far too much pain for my wife. Do I feel bad about what I did to OW? No, I do not. As far as I'm concerned any pain she felt she deserved, plus more. so you are allowed to act unconsciously and blindly through your emotions, but she is not. you used her from the start. you said you agreed because you were angry with your wife. so you acted on your emotions, emotions of anger. this other woman was also acting on emotions, ones that you are not aware of, but there is no difference, both of you were acting blindly. i'm curious as to why you think she was a less deserving person of forgiveness or compassion. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 so you are allowed to act unconsciously and blindly through your emotions, but she is not. you used her from the start. you said you agreed because you were angry with your wife. so you acted on your emotions, emotions of anger. this other woman was also acting on emotions, ones that you are not aware of, but there is no difference, both of you were acting blindly. i'm curious as to why you think she was a less deserving person of forgiveness or compassion. Hey lady.. havent seen ya in a while. Glad to see ya back Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 ajs, i am also curious about this. i can understand that you felt betrayed by this girl, but if your husband wasnt interested anyway then why such anger? werent you grateful and contented that you were in a secure marriage? doesnt that make you feel so grateful that you have such a good life compared to alot of others? do you still feel such anger toward a young girl (yes 20 is still young) that you are reliving this with pleasure 10 years on? Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I know what ya mean. And yea, they do work more than ya think.. my MM worked where I was maybe 20-25 hours a week, then another job 50-60 hours a week. I just hear he's not doing well now.. he's got 2 women, which makes me think he's torn now. Guess this girl's just that much more special.. erika, no it does not mean that this girl is "more special", maybe more confident, maybe more sure of what she wants and thus able to demand more self respect. the fact that you were adamant that you would not get involved, but he wore you down. the fact that you had so much sympathy for his wife, put you in a frame of mind that there was no way you would ask for what you wanted, the fact you felt so bad about yourself means you were not acting in accordance with that. i have no doubt my ex mm did not respect me and i cannot blame him one bit. i acted with very little self respect and i allowed myself to go with his wants, i didnt even know what mine were.... i am quite sure he will end up in other affairs (if he has not already), and quite sure that one of these girls will BELIEVE in herself much more than i did, and get much more under his skin. its always psychology, that kind of "love". i know how to play the game well, i have also played it badly. i have had men broken hearted over me, and been broken hearted over men. its all just a game. REAL love however, comes from a real place. he seems like the kind of person who operates solely from the ego, so i doubt very much he is experiencing REAL love with ANYBODY. Link to post Share on other sites
AJS Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 ajs, i am also curious about this. i can understand that you felt betrayed by this girl, but if your husband wasnt interested anyway then why such anger? werent you grateful and contented that you were in a secure marriage? doesnt that make you feel so grateful that you have such a good life compared to alot of others? do you still feel such anger toward a young girl (yes 20 is still young) that you are reliving this with pleasure 10 years on? I was so angry at the time because (and I'm quite sure I posted it many times already), she was a FRIEND to me and my children. As far as getting angry now, it was other people on here NOT getting the point. It started out as a story that was related to what the original poster ask. But like I tried to say before, it's played out! Ok, most think I was wrong to slap her, but understand how or why I did. I explained in great detail as to why I felt this way. I am very grateful for what I have, I'm not perfect, but I am happy with my life. I feel like I'm just repeating myself on this matter and It's beginning to feel like we are beating a dead horse. Can we move on already? Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I don't think OW normally are thinking about the pain they're bringing to the W when they're with the MM. I'm sure that's true, however it doesn't reduce the pain for the W. My point was that MM/MW and OW/OM are creating pain for someone else while in pursuit of their own pleasure. A is ultimately a completely selfish act. Link to post Share on other sites
bullhunter Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 so you are allowed to act unconsciously and blindly through your emotions, but she is not. you used her from the start. you said you agreed because you were angry with your wife. so you acted on your emotions, emotions of anger. this other woman was also acting on emotions, ones that you are not aware of, but there is no difference, both of you were acting blindly. i'm curious as to why you think she was a less deserving person of forgiveness or compassion. If you bothered to read my post you'd see that I didn't "use" her. My understanding was that this was a "friendship" and only a friendship. I had no intention EVER of cheating on my wife. Yes, I was angry with her, and that was why I allowed myself the friendship, but that's all it was ever supposed to be. The original question on this thread seemed to fit the woman. I came to see from the e-mails she sent me that she had from the beginning intended to "get" me. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I was so angry at the time because (and I'm quite sure I posted it many times already), she was a FRIEND to me and my children. oh yes, i understood that part. As far as getting angry now, it was other people on here NOT getting the point. no, it wasnt really the anger i was referring to. it was the fact that you still feel it was a GOOD course of action, and use it as an amusing anecdote at parties. i'm not judging it, just wondering why you are still talking about it, as though it were an act of heroism. it seems as though, either you are still trying to justifying it, or you are using it as story in which you are the star, a truly dedicated wife and mother, who will not let anybody get away with intruding on your turf. either way... Can we move on already? i think its high time you did. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 If you bothered to read my post you'd see that I didn't "use" her. My understanding was that this was a "friendship" and only a friendship. I had no intention EVER of cheating on my wife. Yes, I was angry with her, and that was why I allowed myself the friendship, but that's all it was ever supposed to be. The original question on this thread seemed to fit the woman. I came to see from the e-mails she sent me that she had from the beginning intended to "get" me. i read your post, and i could see that you acted unwisely out of anger, and this other woman acted unwisely out of some other emotion. i was wondering what the difference was, and why it meant, to you, that she was deserving of pain, and undeserving of compassion. Link to post Share on other sites
AJS Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 "using it as story in which you are the star, a truly dedicated WIFE and MOTHER, who will not let ANYBODY get away with intruding on your turf. either way... You damn right! BTW, I moved on long ago, I was just telling the story. How hard is that to understand? Big mistake on this board I see, and THAT I do regret. What I don't understand is the fact that I slapped her is the big deal here. It's no big deal to try and break up a friends M though. Oh poor her because she's young and stupid? "oh but she was only being human"... like I wasn't? Give me a break. Now, here is a stick, you can beat the dead horse all day if you like. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 "using it as story in which you are the star, a truly dedicated WIFE and MOTHER, who will not let ANYBODY get away with intruding on your turf. either way... You damn right! BTW, I moved on long ago, I was just telling the story. How hard is that to understand? Big mistake on this board I see, and THAT I do regret. What I don't understand is the fact that I slapped her is the big deal here. It's no big deal to try and break up a friends M though. Oh poor her because she's young and stupid? "oh but she was only being human"... like I wasn't? Give me a break. Now, here is a stick, you can beat the dead horse all day if you like. i just wonder if she is using it as a little party conversation piece.... Link to post Share on other sites
AJS Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Not anymore, but when I did the story always received major laughs. Now can you kindly take a hint, this topic ended a few pages back. Take Care. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Not anymore, but when I did the story always received major laughs. strange company you keep. Now can you kindly take a hint, this topic ended a few pages back. Take Care. sorry for responding to a post in a public forum Link to post Share on other sites
bullhunter Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 i read your post, and i could see that you acted unwisely out of anger, and this other woman acted unwisely out of some other emotion. i was wondering what the difference was, and why it meant, to you, that she was deserving of pain, and undeserving of compassion. She didn't "act unwisely" she acted with purpose. She deceived me regarding her original intentions. In turn, I deceived her regarding mine. I have not one iota of guilt regarding any pain she felt. I have not one iota of compassion toward her. She is not deserving of compassion and will get none from me. I'm sure that she will get plenty from others, such as you. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 She didn't "act unwisely" she acted with purpose. She deceived me regarding her original intentions. In turn, I deceived her regarding mine. I have not one iota of guilt regarding any pain she felt. I have not one iota of compassion toward her. She is not deserving of compassion and will get none from me. I'm sure that she will get plenty from others, such as you. as will you... Link to post Share on other sites
AJS Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Look, it's REAL clear. I slapped her, I liked it, and if you knew me, you would understand why it's so funny with the company I keep. I'm a good person, I'm very good to my friends, it wasn't like me to react that way. I reacted with hurt, betrayal, and yes.... violence towards a person I thought was a friend. Not my cup of tea, but it just happen to be the way I reacted at the time. I felt like beating her down to tell you the truth. She was so sweet to my face everyday, she was so good to my kids. She never once gave a thought about them while planning all this, all she cared about was trying to steal a man away from his family. She needed a little reality check and I gave it to her. I had never hit anybody before and I haven't since. Would I again? Who knows? I guess I'll find out the next time a close friend tries to break up my family. As of right now, I don't have any snakes in my garden so we should be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 and if you knew me, you would understand why it's so funny with the company I keep. I'm a good person, I'm very good to my friends, it wasn't like me to react that way. I reacted with hurt, betrayal, and yes.... violence towards a person I thought was a friend. ok. sorry but you did not make it clear that it was only funny because it was out of character. i still dont understand the glorification, but, hey, i will let you get on with it. i suppose if an ow was laughing about how she hurt the wife or how she got back at the mm 10 years ago, she would get a similar response on this board. its not because it is biased, its because it is strange to hold on to that kind of bitterness to another person for so many years. i mean she was young, and you might think you would not still be spitting venomous words like "snake" . Link to post Share on other sites
AJS Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 This board has a few very argumentative posters. So what's up with that? The reality of others makes you that mad? WHY should it make anybody mad that I defended my family? Wouldn't you? It's not like I chopped off her head! I'm sure she got over it in time, maybe even felt a little remorse if she ever grew up enough to anyway. ok, I'm done. I think I'm blue in the face..... Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 This board has a few very argumentative posters. So what's up with that? The reality of others makes you that mad? WHY should it make anybody mad that I defended my family? Wouldn't you? It's not like I chopped off her head! I'm sure she got over it in time, maybe even felt a little remorse if she ever grew up enough to anyway. ok, I'm done. I think I'm blue in the face..... you dont understand what i am saying. whilst i dont see it as an act of "defending your family", i can understand your emotional reaction to the betrayal of your friendship AT THE TIME, it doesnt mean i agree with it, just that i understand it. what i dont understand is why you think it is funny and furthermore why you think it is funny 10 years on. also why you still speak of her with bitterness, "skanky little ho" "snake", 10 years on. you sound as though you have a nice life, why hold on to such a small thing? why be so unforgiving? Link to post Share on other sites
AJS Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 spitting venomous words like "snake" . That was good, I like it! Although I don't really see the word "snake" as being that venomous. I could have said nasty little skank, now that's being venomous...... I guess some of my post have come off bitter, but really I'm not! Glorification is something I guess I will admit to. I didn't really start out with that in mind, I was just posting a story. Like I said, I wish I wouldn't have now. Oh well, atleast I have my family and in the end, that's really all that matters to me. Link to post Share on other sites
StrivingtoSucceed Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Don’t know if I am “hijacking” this thread, or not. If I am I apologize ... but, feel this does go along with the topic... Bullhunter - Don’t know if you’ve read some of my posts, but here is a question for you as I think a point of view from a man on this would be great, more so b/c it seems that you don’t have any type of feeling towards this OW. “I have not one iota of guilt regarding any pain she felt. I have not one iota of compassion toward her. “ My H does still have to communicate with OW (brief EA ...) due to work-related issues. (Admittedly, it is me that has an issue with this and I can’t seem to get it off my mind. Hopefully, as everyone says it will just take some more time.) However, my H doesn’t have a problem with talking to her for work. Meaning, he doesn’t feel anything - no guilt, uncomfortableness, etc. To him, he made a mistake in thinking that he wanted something else, involving her and hurting me and himself (b/c he felt like a failure) in the process. To him it is completely over. To me, I don’t understand how he can have a conversation with her and not feel uncomfortable, but he said it doesn’t bother him at all b/c there is nothing there. To me, I would think that there has to be some type of feeling there, maybe that is a man/woman thing, I don’t know. Can you explain that to me? Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 striving, i know the question was directed to someone else, but i see very little similarity in your situations, other than that bullhunter is a man and so is your husband. your h was confused. i have said this to you before and i will again. your h feels guilty to the ow for leading her on. it does not mean he does not also feel guilty to you, but, since he LOVES you and wants to be only with you, then he does not see you have anything to be upset over. he thinks that being rude or blunt with her is a further insult to her than not choosing her in the end. this is understandable. maybe he fails to see that telling her straight is actually better for all concerned, but you have no worries there. your only concern is your ego, and it is unimportant. does make big of it, be happy with your shared love. Link to post Share on other sites
AJS Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 why be so unforgiving? Good point. I don't know really. I guess because she was so close to me and my family. She was almost like a little sister to me. I took such good care of her. I couldn't believe she willing to do that to me and my children. It's not so easy to forgive. Maybe I will one day who knows. OH StoS, please feel free to the hijacking, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
StrivingtoSucceed Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Newby - I completely understand what you are saying. I know it is me that isn't letting it go and I wonder why. I don't like the feelings I feel, so it would be best if I could just let it go. Getting suggestions like yours and everyone else's that has been kind enough give them has been wonderful and it makes me really think things through. I guess where I have the trouble is that my H has always said what was on his mind and never minces words ... for him to do so in this one situation with OW I have trouble with. What you and other people have said is very likely true ... he already feels like he was an a**hole to her and to say, or do anything else will just rub salt in a wound ... and, it is more my ego than anything else. What I am still trying to grasp is really, how to let it all go b/c while I think OW is more than likely still holding out hope, it really only matters to me and H and between the two of us, I'm the only one holding on to it. Thanks for always being so clear to me in what really matters. It is exactly what I need when I can't stop thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
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