Is my GF cheating? What do U think?

[dimrealm]

Hi all, first of all let me start by saying my girlfriend and I have been together almost 7 years, have a young son together, and have had a very rocky relationship.

A lot of that was my fault (no i've never cheated) and I did not give her the attention she deserved, emotionally and sexually. This mostly was because of her weight and other issues. I held it against her.

 

In March of 2004 she left me without even a word and moved back in with her parents. I came home from work and found the place virtually empty. I was devastated. You see my GF has problems communicating because she hates conflict and this lack of communication has really kept quite the dent in our relationship.

 

Anyway, we talked through it and I stuck around hoping things would work out.

 

In Aug of that year she revealed to me that she slept with another man (John) while we were "split up" (we didn't actually come to a verbal agreement about this). She said it just happened, she had a childhood crush on him and they were both feeling vulnerable because of their past relationships. It hit home hard but I accepted it after the way I treated her all those years. Afterwards she was very hard to get in touch with. No phone calls or emails were returned.

 

About a month later she revealed that she had been dating another guy Eric but things were not going well and they eventually broke it off. She said she never slept with him.

 

It was at about this time that I asked her to come back. I have learned from my mistakes and vowed to become a better partner. She wasn’t sure if she wanted me back, but agreed and she moved back in with me in Jan 2005

 

Things were ok at first but then things again started to slide. I again wasn’t giving her the attention, but that was only because I too wasn’t receiving any. I felt like the giver and didn’t get anything in return. (The tables kind of got reversed to our earlier problems)

 

She was in college last year and started to go out to the club a lot with the other gals while I stayed home to tend to my son. She started coming home pretty late so I got worried. I started to monitor her chat messages.

 

One day her chat log with her girlfriend revealed that she made out with some guy and she gave him a blow job. This got my nerves rolling so I confronted her and she says she only told her girlfriend that to “fit in” with them. According to my GF, she never “fit in” in high school and she only said that she blew him to be accepted by them.

 

Time passed and there were a few times where she would go to the store for something and come back hours later. When questioned it was something like “I ran into so and so at the coffee shop and we talked”

 

She then began her co-op term and there were a few times where she called home to ask me to pick up our son. That she had to work late as the truck did not arrive in time. She also mentioned that a fellow worker (Darryl is his name) was going to stick around and help her (she told me he had a crush on her earlier).

 

About Oct last year they were chatting online and she asked him about how the hockey was going. Things were ok until the end of the conversation where the last thing typed was by him. It said “Do you want to ride my big fat cock again?” I confronted her and she says “I don’t think that was directed at me. He must have been chatting with someone else and typed in the wrong window” Can it happen? Sure, but I had my doubts.

 

Then Nov hit and her birthday was here. An email from him wished her a happy birthday but he got her age wrong so she wrote back correcting him. Fine. But then he replied with an email that stated “Do you want to “get together” again sometime?” Notice the quotation around “get together”? Geez I wonder what he meant…

 

After she got the email they commenced in a chat session which went like this:

GF> hey you

Darryl> hey

GF> how have you been

Darryl> good

Darryl> wanna get “together” again sometime

GF> soon

Darryl> what is that supposed to mean?

GF> sorry I meant sure

GF> just got your email

GF> even I’ll be done this week

Darryl> ok

GF> so how is the hockey going

Darryl> can I bang u again?

GF> will see

Darryl> lol

Darryl> can I eat it too?

GF> will see lol

Darryl> lol

Darryl> did you like it the time we were together?

GF> yes I did

Darryl> I am glad you enjoyed it

After confronting her about this chat session I was told that it was a long extended joke, that they talked like that at work. It was all in fun and nothing happened. I actually commenced in quite a chat session after this myself with this Darryl while pretending to be my GF, asking him if he really wanted to **** me again and stuff. Then I let my mask down and he too said it was all a joke and that nothing ever happened between them.

 

The holidays went by and things have been great between my GF and me until just recently where I found a chat log between her and Eric (the guy she dated while we were “split up”)

 

Chat snippet went as follows:

Eric> I hated working from home

GF> I wish I could work from home

Eric> lol.. well i guess that was just me then... mind you i didn’t actually do much in the way of work anyway

GF> yeah i know i was there some of those days lol

Eric> lol.. yeah.. i do recall you were witness to my slacking quite a few days.. lol

GF> lol

Eric> lol.. fun memories.. cant exactly do those things here though.., might be grounds for dismissal.. lol

GF> yeah think lol...tho i guess you could try

Eric> lol... whats that the slacking or the other activities.. lol

GF> both???

Eric> lol... well i am already a profiecient slacker.. i know my deadlines so as long as a imeet them its all good... the other stuff.. well not sure if my co-workers would appriciate that going on right beside them!

GF> lol well you could always hide form them...lol

Eric> . true... back seats and parking lots are always fun.. lol

GF> see there you go

Eric> ah well something to keep in mind for the next time im bored.. lol... now i just gotta recruit a partner in crime. .lol

GF> lol

Eric> lol... till then it'll have to be solo which is not nearly as much fun. .lol.. and kinda weird to do in a backseat!

GF> lol too funny

After reading this I thought what I lying bitch, she did sleep with him. However her story is “Eric must have been talking about when we made out or went to the park”

Went to the park might be grounds for dismissal from work but how exactly do you go to the park beside your coworkers? And I surely don’t think he meant kissing and holding hands, especially going solo in the backseat.

She says I am misreading it and making it into something which it is not.

 

So to end this novel, I ask what do you “the public” make of all that I wrote?

She will not come clean and fess up to sleeping with either of these men when to me it’s clear as day. She also keeps getting pissed off that I am monitoring her activities online when to me I have a good reason to do so.

 

I am having a hard time with all of this. I don’t want to leave and it’s hard to stay with her. I also have a son to think about, I don’t want to lose him or her for that matter. How do I trust this woman when it seems pretty clear that she is lying and has cheated on me. How many other guy have there been? I am slowly approaching 40 so my dating days are done in my eyes.

[My_Other_I]

The only thing left you have is to catch her with someone's co*k inside her. But she might talk her way out of that one, too.

THat's one red flag after another. Sorry man, sounds like she's been cheating.

 

Btw how many more times do you need to confront her before she realizes that you read her logs? And she still writes about it? Ugh!

[witabix]

At best it still looks bad to me.

 

At best its highly inappropriate conversations.

 

I'm shaking my head here, it doesn't look good.

 

What should you do? Have you tried counselling?

 

Have you tried talking to her, without accusations?

 

You have a son, and its good you are thinking of him, you also need to think of yourself.

 

One thing I will point out from your post.

 

You are slowly approaching 40, well its fast receding from me, and it does not mean the end of your dating days believe me.

[Bryanp]

I think it is pretty clear she has been cheating on you all along. Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD? If the roles were reversed, do you think she would believe such crap from you. I am sorry but she is playing you for a total fool and has to be laughing inside that you could believe such stories she is giving you. It sounds like if you caught her having sex with another guy she would say it was not really her. How much humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure. You can do better than this.

[barfool]

You shouldn't stay with someone treating you this way for the sake of your son. As much as it sucks coming from a broken family he would also be able to tell that you guys are not happy together and that would affect him more.

 

And don't worry about being too old to date. I've dated men your age and older. The dynamic of dating just becomes a little different because people tend to have long-term more in mind.

[933KJL]

Come on man....how much of her BS are you going to take?

 

You know the answer to your post title so WTF?

 

Time to move on

[roxyg]

DimRealm:

 

I doubt your dating days are over at 40! My mom just got remarried, and she is 42, she obviously dated, in her late thirties. Regardless, I wouldn't put up with any more of this whether she is joking around with these guys or really doing them. It's funny, women tend to think they put up with men, and their cheatings, but I think some guys put up with way more! How do you know she's not hiding other stuff from you, it's written out plain as day right in front of you! Regarding your son, it is best for him to grow up knowing that you took a stand for what was right. You guys aren't married, and yeah it's tough knowing your parents are seperated, but does he deserve to bare witness to your broken relationship with his mother? How many guys has he had to see come in and out of his life because of his mother's dating frenzy? He does deserve better just as you do! If not for yourself leave this women, for your son!--and try to get custody of him. I don't know who is more stable you or your so called girlfriend, but as of now, it sounds as if you care much more about your sons interests than she does. Many children grow up with seperated parents, and it's hard for them;take it from me, as I had parents who hated one another and more importantly distrusted one another. I lived through this for eighteen years, it would have been better had they left each other earlier, than waiting for us to grow up and leave! Ultimately the choice is yours, but I hope you take what many of us have said into consideration.

[CaliGuy]

Dude it couldn't be more clear she is cheating. I mean crystal clear.

[Michael86]

Why are you putting up with this? She's cheating and also making a fool of you. You and your son deserve better than her. She has no respect for you and she's neglecting your son. Confront her once and for all and don't let her weasel her way out of it.

[Mistaken Identity]

Hi. I think she has cheated. I don't know if she's still cheating.

Anyway, this may seem inappropriate, but I think you're a really good writer and I enjoyed reading your post. You're quite the detective, too. I don't see how she thinks she can even get away with this behavior.