loony Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Everybody here is right (except for Alphamale of course ). The best thing would have been to refuse the invitation to go with her to dinner and later to the party, that would have made her understand that you are not going to play this stupid game with her and let her manipulate you, but of course you wouldn't have been able to collect so much evidence that she was playing a game with you if you hadn't let yourself get played a bit. If she had a little bit of respect for your feelings, she would just refrained from hooking up with guys that night, it's not as if you guys hang out every single night which would prevent her from hooking up with anybody, it's just one night and she is not able to hold herself back? What you need to do is to establish that you are a mature guy, that means, you are not someone who is into retaliation or giving it back to her, you only do what is necessary to protect your feelings. I'd say, it's ok to let her know that you think she is not really honest with you and that it seems best for you to avoid her. You say this without being angry or upset, be cool and collected. If you back off because you are trying to get over the breakup, but also because she is acting in a mean and hurtful way I think it's a bit more effective. Show her your doubts about her as your friend (and let's be honest here, she does not act like a friend) thus letting her know subtly that you doubt her potential as girlfriend material. I recently thought that this seems to be a good way to deal with people who are messing up with your head. There are some feelings there, but they still want to see what is out on the market, because they don't know what they want, at the same time they try to keep you around somehow and everything is just very dishonest. The best thing is to realize that they don't act like friends, but are quite selfish, and to eliminate them on this basis instead of complaining that they don't want to date you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Everybody here is right (except for Alphamale of course ). . be quiet LOONEY Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 I'll speak for alpha on this one...Time to go into NO CONTACT mode with this girl. She isn't worth your time and effort at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blah1234 Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 Well... I just did the stupidest thing ever. I hooked up with her last night. Haha... I know it was random and it means nothing. But I feel really good right now and I don't know why. P.S. Yes, I know it was a bad idea, but it was fun. Link to post Share on other sites
djrdei Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Blah, im in the same boat as you are and my girl and i parted ways almost 2 months ago. Its just all down hill after that, we hooked up a few times in the 2 months and it only made things worse. Link to post Share on other sites
WindDrifter Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Well my gf/ex and I have been broken up for 3 weeks now and have hooked up on each occassion we have seen each other. She went out last night and had a really good time with her girlfriends and told me how a couple guys chatted to her and she turned them away. I was a little sad but she explained that when we were together i would stare at her and she felt guilty chatting to guys because I was so intense so she wouldn't enjoy the nights outs. But when she went out last night she had a really good night because she didn't feel guilty for being herself and being chatty. Well i told her I was jealous because she doesn't realise that guys just want one thing SEX and since I didn't feel so secure in our relationship I was more jealous. I told her then when we go out I will keep myself buys and not stare at her so much. Its just when I go out sometimes it with mostly her gf's and I am stuck by myself while her single gf chat up guys with her but she doesn't want them. So I end up staring at her and getting jealous. Its good we talked since she had never told me about this before. Other news is she has now decided she needs a couple months to go out with her girlfriends. This is better than before when she really didn't know what she wanted. I was worried I would have to wait for 6months to a year. A couple months sounds more reasonable but then again I said we will just have to see how things go. My feelings could change (highly unlikely only if she doesn't hook up with others) or hers could. So currently we chat once or twice a week when she calls me. I don't call her and meet up once on the weekend generally for the whole day. We tried to make these rules like no kissing and stuff but didn't work too well. So pretty much we are dating. She likes it and I don't mind it because I still know she loves me and wants to be with me. I don't mind her going out and having time to think but the day she doesn't turn a guy away and kisses him then I would definitely think about cutting all contact. I have told her I don't want to be friends and she said neither does she so this dating thing is a happy compromise. I guess she just wants some wild time with friends before settling down. As long as wild time doesn't include kissing other guys. Only time will tell. On the one hand I know she is getting everything she wants to go out and be free but also see me but on the other hand I don't have any other options. She needs this time so all I can do is get on with my life and see how things go. Its gets tough but to be honest I love the time we spend together. i know I could just end it but then again I am happy to see how my feelings go. I don't want to destry any possibility of being with the girl of my dreams. I want to give this the best shot. At the end of the day if it doens't work out better now than later. Cheers, WD Link to post Share on other sites
Author blah1234 Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 Honestly, last night was the most amazing time I've ever had with her sexually. No joke. Oh, man. I wish it could have gone down again tonight. I don't know if we'll ever hook up again (I hope we do), but if not, that was an AMAZING ending to it. Link to post Share on other sites
WindDrifter Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I totally agree. Amanda and I have been having great sex since the break and if it does end its nice to have one last wild night! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blah1234 Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 The problem for me now is that I don't know how to initiate things. I feel like I can't get too close to her (like rubbing her back to get her in the mood) because that will make her uncumfotable since we are technically just friends right now. Ah... maybe I'll just say "hey, wanna mess around?" Although, somehow I don't think that's a turn on. Link to post Share on other sites
WindDrifter Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Make to be honest I have told Amanda i don't want to be friends. So she know where I stand on that. There is no ambiguity. I want her either as a friend and lover and partner or nothing at all. In your case it might be harder. Saying that if Amanda's not in the mood there isn't much i can do so it also depends if she wants it. So the best bet leave it up to her to initiate. If she likes keep going until she tells you to stop. But when she does just stop and lie next to her. Don't keep on trying like we always do! Cheers, WD Link to post Share on other sites
Author blah1234 Posted January 24, 2006 Author Share Posted January 24, 2006 Oh, man. I feel like **** right now. She told me just now that she was still a little tipsy when we messed around (which I know). And she said I took advantage of that and she can't trust me anymore. I feel like such ****. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Oh, man. I feel like **** right now. She told me just now that she was still a little tipsy when we messed around (which I know). And she said I took advantage of that and she can't trust me anymore. I feel like such ****. I'm going to be mean now - We told you so. This is harsh what I said, but I think you need to follow people's advice now. It's ok to find out on your own how crappy your ex-girlfriend can really act, but that should serve also serve you as a lesson and a reminder that people told you to be careful because she would be going to mess up with your head and that's what she did. I'm really sorry for you. But take in mind, they are messed up and confused right now. If they hurt you, they probably do not even do it with bad intention, but nonetheless your feelings are some kind of collateral damage for them right now. You therefore have to take care of yourself first, because they won't do it for you. Start collecting evidence that she is a bad friend. I bet she will start to make promises like meeting you somewhere and not showing up. If she does it repeatedly, don't get upset, but just don't show up the next time and don't explain yourself, wait till she asks you and then tell her that you knew she wouldn't show up and that you therefore didn't go there. That should show her that you are backing off and that you simply don't expect any kind of decency from her anymore and that, surprise, you don't give a damn. Either play this psycho game with her or just go NC. Actually I think NC is the better way, why waste your time with these idiots... It's hard though when you still believe that someone is a good person at heart and just confused and nothing that people tell you will convince you that you are fighting a lost battle. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Well, I liked the way you were approaching it earlier: at least you got a nice send-off f*ck out of it. Sucks...but it's always dangerous to play around with an ex, especially right after a break-up. You have to cut her off completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blah1234 Posted January 24, 2006 Author Share Posted January 24, 2006 I bet she will start to make promises like meeting you somewhere and not showing up. Last night she asked me to meet her at the bus stop because she didn't want to walk back to her place alone. So, I walked to the bust stop in the really cold weather (and it was also snowing). I sat there for like 15 minutes past the time her bus was supposed to get there. After that, I called her to ask where she was/if she was ok and she just said "Oh, ****! I forgot to tell you. I'm not taking the bus anymore, I'm getting a ride. Sorry." I just said "Thanks" and then I hung up on her. Link to post Share on other sites
salmagundi Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Still think she respects you? Still want to keep playing? Sure hope not... Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Blah! WTF is wrong with you, man?! You just can't seem to get enough punishment. She keeps kicking you and you keep begging for more. Man, when are you just going to stop being so frickin nice to her. Leave her alone. She's on a power trip, obviously. You need to go to the Tanbark-Alphamale academy for how to be a 'take-no-s***' man. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Last night she asked me to meet her at the bus stop because she didn't want to walk back to her place alone. So, I walked to the bust stop in the really cold weather (and it was also snowing). I sat there for like 15 minutes past the time her bus was supposed to get there. After that, I called her to ask where she was/if she was ok and she just said "Oh, ****! I forgot to tell you. I'm not taking the bus anymore, I'm getting a ride. Sorry." I just said "Thanks" and then I hung up on her. Ok, that's enough proof that she's a member of the bitch club and I hope you are convinced now that we are right. Next time she asks you to do anything you say yes and don't do it. When she complains you just say that you are not sure what she wants and in order to avoid fighting you just agree with her. DO IT. Don't hesitate to be mean, too. Link to post Share on other sites
WindDrifter Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Make dump her quicker than a sack of ****! Replace her name on your mobile to DO NOT PICK UP! Block her from IM and never speak to her again. Ignore her. Don't help her. Don't even smile at her. If she wants to be the bigest bitch in the world she can do it alone. Fu*k that **** man! WD Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 I will never know why we guys are so stupid when it comes to dating - and I'm not picking on you, Blah...I've taken similarly desperate measures after a break up and I'm sure most men have at some point. I think you have to get burned a time or two before you really understand what the game is all about. In a sense, love really is a war. You have to keep your guard up at all times while skillfully applying offense when the time is right. When you're with a woman you have to be nice, but not too nice or she'll lose respect for you. When you're apart, you just have to let her know that she no longer means that much to you in a romantic sense. If the breakup goes cleanly there's a possibility of friendship down the line, but hell, I wouldn't even want your girl as a friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
UT_longhorn Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 hey blah... your situation is really rough man...when your ex still calls and maintains contact. but how are you feeling? are you really feeling better when she contacts you? or are you just feeling like cr*p? i mean look what she did to you at the bus stop. youre letting her walk all over you. and i know its really really tough. if my ex called...it would be sooo hard not to pick up. but shes respecting my wishes. you should also let her know...u want to maintain NC and for her to respect that..cause you are feeling hurt. do it man. and start healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blah1234 Posted January 25, 2006 Author Share Posted January 25, 2006 I don't know. Sometimes I'm feeling really fine about everything and I can go to dinner with her and actually have a good time. Other times, I just feel like hell when I see her. I've been really up and down like that lately. Link to post Share on other sites
UT_longhorn Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Youre not letting yourself move on man. Ask yourself...what are you accomplishing by maintaing that contact. Is it making it easier for you to move on? Is she gonna really comeback to you if you continue this? I guarantee it lessens that chances that she comes back. Why buy the cow, when the milk is free? Let her go man. If she comes back, then thats different, but shes not asking to get back together. Let her go for a while. It will not hurt anything man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blah1234 Posted January 29, 2006 Author Share Posted January 29, 2006 So... today was the second day of no-contact. I was really strong... but she called me 3 times (7:30, 8:30, and 9:30). I couldn't stop thinking about her all day and that made me feel a little better. I did stop by to see what she wanted (we live in the same dorm) and she told me that she misses me... and we talked about the no-contact and we agreed to keep it up for at least the next week and then ease into things. hmm... I think I'm just going to let her call me... if I don't see her in a week, that'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blah1234 Posted January 30, 2006 Author Share Posted January 30, 2006 Man... this no contact thing is working pretty well... She keeps calling me! I usually don't answer, though. Link to post Share on other sites
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