He Likes Me But Wants To Make Me Jealous

[sk8 monkey]

This is kind of long but I tried to make sure I got the important details down. In here I talk about God in my life and stuff because it has a lot to do with how things got started with this guy. Even though I talk about it, quite frankly all I want is for this guy to be a man who finally talks to me, he is confusing.

 

There is a guy at school whom I’m totally in love with and he really likes me, but he is an atheist. He noticed me first last year in the spring, he would be in the lounge I was in and every time he walked by me outside he looked at me and had this huge smirk on his face-this is when I really took notice, I started talking to him for a short time online over the summer (like a couple days) until he offended me (I convicted him too much about things), he told me I’m the one who found him (yeah but he looked at me first lol) and that he just didn’t care about what I had to say, and that he has his own friends...and so we haven’t talked since, I wrote him an email telling him he had hurt me, not to write back to me, and that I wouldn’t be talking to him at school. I see him everyday and I could tell by the look on his face at the beginning of the semester (almost crying) how sorry he felt about his actions and words, but he never worked up the nerve to talk to me or say he was sorry, and I didn’t want to get hurt so I acted like I didn’t notice this. In October though he purposefully sat at the small table he knew I would be sitting at, I was so happy but we didn’t talk since he had to have his friend there talking to him the whole time to make him feel comfortable (he always has to be with his friends and talk to them to feel safe). I have a page on a database online (this is where I found him, in the database) and I type about God all the time and I found out he reads everything I ever posted. I found this out in the oddest way…I was upset about his friend talking about evolution the one day and I posted how I felt online and posted a creation vs. evolution video, the day after my guy read this and as soon as he saw me (and he was talking to the guy who spoke of evolution) he began to cry, later I heard him say (of Christianity) that it bugs him but it is starting to appeal to him. He tired to drop many hints to me that he was viewing my site and liked me over the course of the whole semester, he always sat so he was facing me and could look at me, and smirk and smile at me all the time, when I would enter the room he would smile at me then look at his friends like “yeah she is here”, he tried to show he was a “man” and all showing off, and he would even leave the room in certain ways so he could get one good look at me before he left. The first week coming back to school he wanted to let me know he liked me so when he walked past the room that has a huge window he looked at me and gave me the biggest smirk I’ve ever seen him give like “yeah I like you”, the first day of school I held the door open for my friends and I to leave the room and I ended up holding it open for him to come into the room and he had this huge smirk on his face and said “Thank you”, and it wasn’t like in a “oh thanks” way, it was “you are such a lady” way. So we are just very good secret admirers. He made the mistake of telling his friends at school about my site, me, and how what I believe appeals to him since they are not Christians and he basically opened up his personal feelings to them...there were days I wanted to leave the room due to him trying to make the guys believe he wasn’t interested and was not looking at my site anymore. My friend knows he really likes me and has said that he sees me as someone greater than himself and is not afraid to hurt my feelings because he knows I will forgive him. He has been hurt by many people including his parents, almost all his friends turned their backs on him, he hardly has any friends (he tires to take pride in the fact he has so many enemies), he has said nobody accepts him for who he is, so what he does is try to make himself look better than others and tries to get attention, and he says stuff to fit in. I found this out on his site and he makes mention about how all he ever got out of people is hatred and they have made him the person he is today, that he was once nice, but they made him change. So he is insecure and a hurt person inside...and I’m like the only one who really knows and understands since we have a lot of things in common.

 

The last week of school was tough. I don’t know what happened, I felt at the time like maybe he gave up on me or something or perhaps himself thinking the semester was over so who cares about how he acts or what he talks about, as if he or I failed (yes, he has changed since he started viewing my site and all). During the last week he starting flirting with this one girl that goes into the lounge where we see each other at in order to make me jealous. The one day in particular that was the worst was the day I took a big risk...on my site later that day I talked about how I did something special and how difficult it was for me to do since I was upset earlier (only he knew what I meant because I know he could see my hurt on my face), I said how if I didn’t do it I would never be able to forgive myself. I did this...

At school I waited an hour and a half by his car in the freezing cold for him to finish his final because I had got him 2 gifts for Christmas and I wrote him a letter. The week before he mentioned to everyone how he was a mistake...it hurt me to hear him say this but it opened up the door for a great letter telling him how important he is and I did mention how I wished I could talk to him like other people and all and that it does hurt me, I wasn't afraid to be open about my view of him and what sort of things upset me (like for example his "friends" supporting him with what he says about himself bringing him down with how bad of a person he is and such), and within the letter I praised God for him, I told him in the letter I know he doesn't believe in God but that is not going to stop me from letting him know I lift him up, I told him in the letter how he didn't have to try to be macho or make himself look better than others for me to like him because I see how special he is without that and all...it was 4 pages total! The letter was everything I know he ever wanted to hear based on him saying things on his site, I know he cried, on his site he once talked about how nobody cares about him but maybe one day he will find his savor who would see something special about him while he is in the background with bright shiny people in the foreground. At the end of the letter I put this quote I found: "The deepest thoughts of the human heart cannot be voiced with the tongue.......". He seemed like he didn't know what to think, kind of uncomfortable, probably shocked to see me, he couldn't look right at me, and he asked if I was serious with a huge smile. I didn’t get any nasty email or IM due to what I did and I noticed a change in his attitude on his site he writes blogs on, less angry.

 

He is still looking at my site - he is the only one who ever has, and I always know when he does because it lets me know when the page is viewed, so this is a good thing. But I’m hurt, I don’t get why he is trying to hurt me and make me jealous with this girl, walking around everywhere with her when I’m around and smiling (I don’t go in the lounge anymore, I sit outside because it is too painful), trying to make me think she is better in his eyes than me. He does have a girlfriend but it is really nothing...I found this out due to him talking to the guys last semester, he says he only sees g/f’s right now as people just to hang out with. I don’t know what his problem is, I've wrote on my site that I'm hurt by guys, so he knows I'm upset. Is it just insecurity? Doesn’t he want to believe or can’t believe I actually like him as much as I do? I don’t know, I’m hurt, help.

[IrishCarBomb]

My advice: Join a convent. The guys in there are so much simpler.

[Mistaken Identity]

These are just my off-the-top-of-my-head reactions:

 

 

You are assuming a whole lot about how he feels and what motivates him.

 

Maybe he wants you to convert him to Christianity.

 

Maybe he thinks you want to convert him.

 

What kind of guy thinks it's okay to hurt someone's feelings because they'll forgive him?

 

PS: It's okay to be an athiest or an agnostic or a Buddhist or anything else that doesn't hurt anyone or anything else. Try not to preach to him. It's a turn-off.