Any suggestion

[guy]

We've been together for over 5 years. She loves me a lot. We are getting married. But I know she isn't the one I'm looking for. We have a personality clash, getting to serious arguments quite often.

 

Whenever we did there, she was hurt and she cried

 

If i tell her now that I don't want to marry her, she'll be completely destroyed. She's so simple and dedicated. She doesn't deserve to be hurt like that. But deep inside I really doubt how long can this marriage las if we do get married. A divorce will hurt her even more. I don't want to hurt her and don't know what to do now..

[Marzipan]

I don't know what to say, except that you need to take some time away from her and honestly think about the way you feel about her. When were you planning on telling her? On your wedding day? Did you propose to her? If you proposed to her then you need to think about why you did that. Talk to her, there is never a good time for a discussion like this, it just happens. If you have serious doubts then no matter what, you need to get them out in the open because as you said in your post it will only hurt more later.

 

I am just beginning to get over the end of my relationship of 8 years. Like your girlfriend, I thought we were headed for marriage and it turned out he wasn't. He had his doubts about me and didn't voice them. I am sure there were a lot of signs, but I didn't see them. So it's very good if you tell her now and not later. Don't expect her to pick up on your hints because it just doesn't work that way. She may feel like you are acting differently and that may set some doubts in her mind as well however it is up to you to do the right thing here. Let her in on how you feel, at this point she may not exactly be happy in the relationship either.

 

My ex was afraid of hurting me but in the end he did a lot more damage by cheating on me and then breaking up with me the next day. Instead of ending the relationship by just telling me how he felt, he cheated on me, he could have saved me a lot of heartache. Instead he chose to remove me from his life without any explanation. So before something happens that is beyond your control, do both of you a favor and talk to her about it.

 

If you aren't sure of what you want to do then maybe tell her you want to take some time away from eachother. It will give you distance and time to think about what you really want. I'm sorry but there's no way to avoid pain in this. The only thing you can do is be honest with her because after five years don't you think you owe her that much? I think so.

We've been together for over 5 years. She loves me a lot. We are getting married. But I know she isn't the one I'm looking for. We have a personality clash, getting to serious arguments quite often. Whenever we did there, she was hurt and she cried If i tell her now that I don't want to marry her, she'll be completely destroyed. She's so simple and dedicated. She doesn't deserve to be hurt like that. But deep inside I really doubt how long can this marriage las if we do get married. A divorce will hurt her even more. I don't want to hurt her and don't know what to do now..

[Tony T]

If you aren't absolutely sure she is the person you want to marry, for gawd's sake, DON'T.

 

You are not responsible for her feelings. Tell her now. Let her go through whatever healing process she needs. You don't need to be held an emotional hostage by someone and stay in a relationship you aren't excited about because you fear someone can't handle a breakup. That's nuts.

 

Get away from this and go find someone who will make you happy. Don't wait until after you're married to break it off. A divorce is not only more emotionally traumatic but legally brutal as well. If you have a child by her, it's even worse.

 

Marriage is way too serious to go in to it with both hands tied behind your back. Find someone you KNOW you want to spend the rest of your life with. Meanwhile, be a man and let this lady know just how you feel...just be kind and gentle about it. You're doing her no favors at all if you marry her not really wanting to.

[midori]

There are problems in your relationship that are serious enough to jeopardize it but you haven't had a frank, open discussion about them with your girlfriend? It sounds to me like the problem you're really grappling with is your wish to get out of the relationship, and the guilt & doubt that naturally accompany such a wish. You've already made up your mind that you want out, and that's OK, you're perfectly within your rights to make such a choice. But you must tell her that directly, don't beat around the bush, don't pretend that you're ending it for any other reason than the cold hard fact that you don't want her. Don't give your "simple and dedicated" girl the false hope that you're ending things because of problems that could be fixed. That would be cruel.

 

If you're not so sure that you actually want out then you need to re-examine your approach in this situation: you've made a unilateral decision that the relationship isn't going to work without even consulting with your would-be partner. Why is that?

 

The two of you are fighting a lot, which obviously is not a good thing. Why haven't either of you addressed it yet? Good for you for recognizing that there are problems -- but what good does that do if you're not ready/willing to discuss those problems? If your girlfriend was instead your business partner, and you discovered that there was a serious problem in the way the business was being run, would you just hold your tongue? Or decide that the business was doomed without even seeing what your partner had to say, what solutions she might have? Being committed partners is not always easy, but if there's no communication about the important things then the "partnership" is in name only.