melody Posted August 13, 2001 Share Posted August 13, 2001 i need some help and feedback. a guy who i have known for six years on and off became very angry at me because i called him on a day when he had a date with an 18 year old. he looks to me for advice about whether he should date the 18 year old. the girl still lives with her parents and he also goes to the park with age 15 and younger girls. i gave him my opinion but told him it was his decision. he informed me of seeing the 18 year old and i asked does he not want to see me anymore. he said it is not that. i cannot understand what is going on here. it seems the closer we have got recently the more he has started to distance and when i ask does he want things between us to end he says no. he has become less available and i am feeling like he doesn't want me or he wants his cake and eat it too. i have other guys who are prospects but i feel like before i can move on with them i need this guy to just say he doesn't want me and he is not saying it. what do you think i should do i feel like if he doesn't want me he should just say so but what ends up happening is he doesn't say he doesn't want me but just ends up getting angry with me and making it difficult to spend time together although the times we can spend together are good. what do you think is going on with this man because i can't figure it out and he is not willing to explain it seems like he wants me and he doesn't want me what do you think Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 13, 2001 Share Posted August 13, 2001 I think in this case (as in most) that actions speak louder than words. You're waiting for this guy to be upfront and clear with you about his intentions toward you, but don't you think that's too much to expect from a 30 year old man who dates not only 18 year olds but even 15 year olds, which is a) illegal and b) truly pathetic. Does this sound like a guy who's going to be grown up and admit that the most he's offering you are some scattered good times interspersed with frustration and disappointment? I don't think he's that mature, and I do think that's all you're going get from him. You don't need to hear it from him. The writing's on the wall, as clear as day if you choose to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Artlover Posted August 13, 2001 Share Posted August 13, 2001 I'm with Midori! I think in this case (as in most) that actions speak louder than words. You're waiting for this guy to be upfront and clear with you about his intentions toward you, but don't you think that's too much to expect from a 30 year old man who dates not only 18 year olds but even 15 year olds, which is a) illegal and b) truly pathetic. Does this sound like a guy who's going to be grown up and admit that the most he's offering you are some scattered good times interspersed with frustration and disappointment? I don't think he's that mature, and I do think that's all you're going get from him. You don't need to hear it from him. The writing's on the wall, as clear as day if you choose to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted August 14, 2001 Share Posted August 14, 2001 i feel like before i can move on with them i need this guy to just say he doesn't want me and he is not saying it. this man is sick. what the hell is he doing hanging around GIRLS (NOT women) half his age????? why do you want a sicko like this to want you??? what do you think is going on with this man because i can't figure it out and he is not willing to explain it.... i'll tell you what appears to be going on....this man is either: a) going through a mid-life crisis and needs a young, fresh thing to validate his apparently waining sex appeal and make him feel young again; or b) he's a pederast. either way, he is sick. i am 25 years, and i am always repulsed when a 40 year old guy puts the hard word on me (perhaps because i look younger than 25, i wonder what their motives are). this guy doesn't need to tell you what's going on. he's disregarding your feelings, and chasing YOUNG GIRLS. he doesn't want you. he wants lots of GIRLS. he is giving you huge hints because he doesn't have the guts to tell you he wants to play the field. oh well....hopefully he doesn't come running to you when he gets charged with carnal knowledge or statutory rape....he KNOWS the ages of these girls, which to me, is even worse. get this sicko out of your life now. Link to post Share on other sites
melody Posted August 14, 2001 Share Posted August 14, 2001 thank you for your reply. i think maybe the reason he seeks younger woman maybe that he wants to feel younger? i agree i might be expecting too much from him which he is not able to give. i'm not sure why he chooses to talk to me, i ask and he says i'm a nice lady. he realizes that we have a large age difference, but seems to be mostly interested in sex.he recognizes that the younger woman is not mature, and that is something to think about myself , his level of maturity. i want to see the writing on the wall but my vision is being clouded and have to figure out why that is. will keep you posted. I think in this case (as in most) that actions speak louder than words. You're waiting for this guy to be upfront and clear with you about his intentions toward you, but don't you think that's too much to expect from a 30 year old man who dates not only 18 year olds but even 15 year olds, which is a) illegal and b) truly pathetic. Does this sound like a guy who's going to be grown up and admit that the most he's offering you are some scattered good times interspersed with frustration and disappointment? I don't think he's that mature, and I do think that's all you're going get from him. You don't need to hear it from him. The writing's on the wall, as clear as day if you choose to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
melody Posted August 14, 2001 Share Posted August 14, 2001 thanks for your reply, it seems there is agreement about this not being good. I'm with Midori! Link to post Share on other sites
IAm20HeIs30 Posted August 14, 2001 Share Posted August 14, 2001 Wait, how old are you? In one of the posts you said he admits that you guys have a big age difference. I'm 20 dating a 30 year old man but I think the biggest difference is I'm the only person he's dating...lol. I'm not going to judge WHY he feels the need to date younger women. For some men it is a midlife crisis thing, or they are just what my mom calls "nasty old men". But for others, its not that they like to date younger women but maybe they met a specific woman they want to date and she happens to be younger. Who knows, but this last scenario just doesn't seem to be the case for you. Your guy seems to take a fancy to the younger population ... And any way, regardless of the ages of these other females, the main thing is he is not trying to be exclusive and it appears that you are. So you need to make a decision for yourself, put your life on hold for this guy or move on. He's not showing you he wants to be serious with you so its time to make your own move. It doesn't seem that he's such a healthy addition to your life right now anyway if he gets angry with you just for trying to talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
melody Posted August 15, 2001 Share Posted August 15, 2001 thanks for your reply. there is an eight years age difference between us. i don't know why either he chooses to date younger women, my guess was he thinks they are hotter, and it makes him feel young. but only he would know the reason why. i believe the young woman is an employee of his, and that is how they met. but he fears everything about them, he is afraid of her knowing about me, he doesn't know what she thinks when he gets a lot of calls from me, i agree with you i am more of a monogamous person than he is. but every time i try to break things off and explain that it is apparent that he doesn't want me he says he doesn't want that. so i feel like i am being used until he knows for sure that something may come of this relationship with the younger woman. because at this point there is not a real serious involvement. i agree with your advice that i need to make a decision because it is my life. i think if i am healthy i will choose to end things because like you said this not very healthy and there is no reason for him to be angry just from trying to talk to me. plus he is so anxious to please the other woman. he claims he wants to be with a nice girl. i explained i was a "nice girl" when you first met me but am no longer. plus there are religious differences and he wants someone from his religion. my question is if he knew all of this from the beginnning why did he even bother to talk to me? i am the one who should be angry. so i presented him with the fact that maybe he just wants a sexual relationship. than he gets even more angry, so as you can see it is just a no win situation. he feels i am more educated than him and older. then he says it is wrong for me to be older and be with him, yet doesn't look at his being wrong for being with the 18 year old.when i repeat this back to him, he says he didn't say that it was wrong he doesn't lie. i misunderstood him. it is just a mess and i agree i think it is time to move on. thanks for you input i will keep you posted. Wait, how old are you? In one of the posts you said he admits that you guys have a big age difference. I'm 20 dating a 30 year old man but I think the biggest difference is I'm the only person he's dating...lol. I'm not going to judge WHY he feels the need to date younger women. For some men it is a midlife crisis thing, or they are just what my mom calls "nasty old men". But for others, its not that they like to date younger women but maybe they met a specific woman they want to date and she happens to be younger. Who knows, but this last scenario just doesn't seem to be the case for you. Your guy seems to take a fancy to the younger population ... And any way, regardless of the ages of these other females, the main thing is he is not trying to be exclusive and it appears that you are. So you need to make a decision for yourself, put your life on hold for this guy or move on. He's not showing you he wants to be serious with you so its time to make your own move. It doesn't seem that he's such a healthy addition to your life right now anyway if he gets angry with you just for trying to talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts