Chocolatellama Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 ARGH! I keep writing these angry text messages to my ex. I can't send them though. But my head says " make him feel bad, he made you feel like **** now its his turn!" and my heart says " no don't do it, I don't want him to feel bad i love him too much" Or maybe its the other way around. I don't know but i don't know how i can stop myself. I'm so confused with how i feel and i don't know what to do.. this no contact thing is killing me. Its a saturday night and i used to see him every weekend. why is this so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 It sucks, doesn't it. You know what I'm doing to keep myself from contacting him? I'm keeping a journal especially for my thoughts about our dead relationship.... as they come out during the day I write them down. I may even eventually give it to him -- I think the full impact of reading all of it at once would be more powerful than a few angry text messages or emails here and there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 21, 2006 Author Share Posted January 21, 2006 I know that sending them won't get me anywhere.. it would just feel good to get it off my chest and let him know how much he has hurt me because i know he is already over me.. after like 5 days. He felt bad for one day and thats it.. and this is going to affect me for months.. thats so unfair Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 I know that sending them won't get me anywhere.. it would just feel good to get it off my chest and let him know how much he has hurt me because i know he is already over me.. after like 5 days. He felt bad for one day and thats it.. and this is going to affect me for months.. thats so unfair Yeah, I know it's unfair. And it's terribly hurtful to you. But here's the thing... if you let him know how much he has hurt you, and he's already moved on, then it won't matter one bit to him. All it will serve to do is to let him know that he has all this power over you...and he doesn't deserve that. The best thing for you to do is to make him think that you're not thinking about him, and the best way to do that is with silence and no contact. In the meantime, write down all your feelings, talk to your friends and the people here on LS. If at a later date, weeks and months down the line, you feel like sharing with him the things you wrote, then do it. But I am willing to bet that by then you won't feel like telling him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 I agree with jen_jen_heartbroken, do not send those text messages because in the end, he'll only think "great now I really am glad that I broke up with her" Why give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt you. Write it, vent in a journal or letter BUT never send it. It's all part of the healing process for you to get it out and honour your feelings...If you send it, you will be breaking NC and waiting for a reply and that only sets you back more. Ain't it the truth that it's so unfair that they get to move on and we are the ones who have to repair our souls for the hurt inflicted because we "loved these people" - it's seems unfair, yet as each day passes I think as unfair as it is, the flip side is..we come out it stronger and wiser. We'll be more prepare for the real love that awaiting us out there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 21, 2006 Author Share Posted January 21, 2006 Yeah.. you guys are right but i keep getting the urge to send them to him.. arghsdkjsdf blah! I should just delete his number? But i don't think i could bring myself to doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Yeah.. you guys are right but i keep getting the urge to send them to him.. arghsdkjsdf blah! I should just delete his number? But i don't think i could bring myself to doing that. You can't get over him and move on with your life if you don't let go. Letting go means getting rid of everything that reminds you of him, including his email, phone number, IM addreses, photos, clothes, mementos, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chocolatellama Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 Yeah.. the day after it happened i cleaned out everything that reminds me of him.. Any pictures, peices of paper, reciepts, plane tickets ( we went on holiday together), just anything and everything that reminds me of him.. i put it all in a shoebox and hid it at the back of my cupboard. Sometimes i find myself wanting to go and look in it.. i know it will hurt me but i just don't want to forget him. I know, i sound insane :| i can't help it. I deleted him off msn and deleted all the songs off my computer that reminded me of him. It did help but the worst thing is the memories and you can't erase those. I don't want to.. i want to oneday have good memories of him. Link to post Share on other sites
greyhound Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 As I am going through a very similar process, I think I found what sometimes works is just keep BUSY. Even if you are just playing a game on your computer, JUST KEEP BUSY. I have found that every day I am less and less angry and less and less hurt. I agree, in part, with the journal thing that others have talked about. I would keep it to myself though. I did that with a previous breakup and one day when I was cleaning and reorganizing. I sat down and read it and by the end of it started actually laughing. What I do agree with is don't waste your energy trying to "hurt back". It doesn't work and you need the energy to keep BUSY and to heal. The power thing is real. You showing pain gives the ex more power and control. Don't bother. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Yeah.. the day after it happened i cleaned out everything that reminds me of him.. Any pictures, peices of paper, reciepts, plane tickets ( we went on holiday together), just anything and everything that reminds me of him.. i put it all in a shoebox and hid it at the back of my cupboard. Sometimes i find myself wanting to go and look in it.. i know it will hurt me but i just don't want to forget him. I know, i sound insane :| i can't help it. I deleted him off msn and deleted all the songs off my computer that reminded me of him. It did help but the worst thing is the memories and you can't erase those. I don't want to.. i want to oneday have good memories of him. Ok you may not want to forgrt him but on the otherhand why stay in all this hurt just to keep his memory alive and active. If he's moved on, he's not that loyal to your memory..is he? He's not agaonzing over missing you and writing on LS. So this wanting not to forget him makes no sense especially if it hurts. If you want to move on you must actively put your focus on back on you and the good things in your life right now and creating new memories. Recognize that you are the one here pinning for him...how does dwelling on the good time going to help you heal? That's a unsound logic, it just keeps you in heartbreak hotel clinging to a glimmer of hope that he'll come back. You are making the decision to stay in the hurt, this is something it took myself a long time figure out. And I understand grieving is a process, but I appreciate all those whose advice lead me to see NC and redirecting my focus back on me is the road to recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
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