Tired of Games

[AltplanB]

she just messaged me asking how i was doing. If i respond, it would be with an inside joke. I haven't talked to her in like a week and a half when she sent me that email i listed above. i still haven't responded. suggestions?

[jonny87]

Don't do it.

[CaliGuy]

if you EVER send her a woman a note in this kind of situation where you are getting the treatment, you must be very light and breezey in a way that basically says you don't give a damn. You have to poke her in a way that says you're moving on, hey-ho. Any thing else you send will be self-destructive. You are not in an emotional state in which to be capable of that kind of note now, so write about your pain to get it out of your system and never ever ever send it.

 

Agreed.

 

And Cygny, can you turn on your PMs?

[AltplanB]

i haven't responded and but i am still in a hard place knowing she only wants to keep contact so that we can still be friends. I know that this effort will slowly fade from her as she meets someone new (or already has).

[cygny]

Agreed.

 

And Cygny, can you turn on your PMs?

 

the gods won't let me! i asked them why and i got some document about maybe, sometime, possibly, after an indeterminate amount of time and undisclosed number of posts, lol

 

i'm just too new i guess

[cygny]

i haven't responded and but i am still in a hard place knowing she only wants to keep contact so that we can still be friends. I know that this effort will slowly fade from her as she meets someone new (or already has).

 

 

can you turn your attention elsewhere? date others? might be an effort but better than staying in the mire... MUCH better...

[jonny87]

can you turn your attention elsewhere? date others? might be an effort but better than staying in the mire... MUCH better...

 

Must agree.

 

If you're having trouble doing this in "real life", there's always the big, fake world of the internet. Even if you don't really want to meet someone on the internet, you can at least talk to and get to know some new people. I'm finding that it helps.

[AltplanB]

21 year olds shouldnt have to go through this crap. This is like supposed to be the most fun year of our lives. its all supposed to peak right here. And yet here i am pining over someone that has made it clear they dont want to be with me at all unless it is strictly on the friend sense. I dont like it but ill have to accept it. And just to let you know, i go back and forth on accepting it. I still cant eat, have problems sleeping. Hot and cold attacks. I'm in a real pitiful place. I have my classes starting tommorrow and i just dont even want to go. I have nothing but contempt for myself and my life. I feel miserable, only wanting her back because of the way things could easily be again.

 

I keep getting really close to messaging her. All i want to say is that i respect her decision and that i will always be here waiting, as i have tried everything else and it does not work. I dont know how this will come off to her but i know she still cares. She is just too nice, too much of a good person. I cant be friends with her but at the same time i can't lose her all together. I wonder if being friends with her and waiting for her to break up with the new guy will give me a better chance. I dunno.

 

Yes i know she has emotional problems but she also realized that i stuck with her through these and that i was there for her when she needed me. I still am. What i need to profess is a sense of being there for her and still showing her i have feelings while at the same time not coming off as needy or clingy. If there is any way to do this, i would like you guys to tell me.

[CaliGuy]

21 year olds shouldnt have to go through this crap. This is like supposed to be the most fun year of our lives. its all supposed to peak right here. And yet here i am pining over someone that has made it clear they dont want to be with me at all unless it is strictly on the friend sense. I dont like it but ill have to accept it. And just to let you know, i go back and forth on accepting it. I still cant eat, have problems sleeping. Hot and cold attacks. I'm in a real pitiful place. I have my classes starting tommorrow and i just dont even want to go. I have nothing but contempt for myself and my life. I feel miserable, only wanting her back because of the way things could easily be again.

 

They may never be the same way again. Look forward to classes man! You get to meet new people, make new friends and yes, there will be hot chicks for you to check out

 

I keep getting really close to messaging her. All i want to say is that i respect her decision and that i will always be here waiting, as i have tried everything else and it does not work. I dont know how this will come off to her but i know she still cares. She is just too nice, too much of a good person. I cant be friends with her but at the same time i can't lose her all together. I wonder if being friends with her and waiting for her to break up with the new guy will give me a better chance. I dunno.

 

You've already told her this several times. At this point, nothing you do or say is going to change things. Please Alt, accept her decision and LET GO. I know it's hard man, but don't you respect yourself? Dude, you said you're a good looking guy, but do you believe that? If so, why would you want this obviously messed up chick when there is probably a better looking one out there who is totally into her. You just won't be able to meet her if you're still living in the past with your Ex.

 

Yes i know she has emotional problems but she also realized that i stuck with her through these and that i was there for her when she needed me. I still am. What i need to profess is a sense of being there for her and still showing her i have feelings while at the same time not coming off as needy or clingy. If there is any way to do this, i would like you guys to tell me.

 

You stuck it out yes. You also enabled her. And if you continue to be there for her every time she needs something, you're only going to delay your healing and in the process end up in the dreaded "friends" zone, forever.

 

She knows she can depend on you when she needs you. She also knows that she doesn't want to be with you so she'll get her needs met elsewhere and when she wants a favor, she'll ask you. In the meantime you'll be at her beck and call, she'll continue to lose respect for you and any chicks you meet in the future will be turned off at your lack of self-respect and confidence.

 

She isn't doing this to you, Alt. You are doing it to yourself.

[chocolate_boy]

Seems your intention was to get a reply..... so dont blame her for giving you mixed messages.

 

ALL girls say the " I still think about you " and " Im confused " lines after a breakup Plan B, so your situation is by no means different.

 

Wait around and play the uncomfortable friend if you wish, but if you do, you will be making posts like this for months to come

 

Hell ain't that the truth! It takes a few break-ups with women to realise this happens everytime and means nothing.

[AltplanB]

You are right. I understand all the advice and this is not the first time i have been told this. I came really close to sending a voice message telling her not to respond but to just listen to what i had to say. I would just go over what mistakes i had made in my thinking and how i realize that we will never get back together. I also realize shes cares alot about me but that i cannot be friends with her, especially when she is with someone else. It would be too hard. I would also say that i did think of her as the love of my life and although she has been through this before with men and she has had her heart broken, it does not change that i considered her to be my one and only, even after the breakup and her post-breakup relationships. I would say i am sorry for all the drama and that she had to see me in a very negative light after the breakup but i would remind her that i saw her at her worst and i choose to stick with her. Would end it with i hope she is happy with her new guy and that although it is not what i want, i will be happy for her.

 

-I probably wont send this as i know it really will accomplish nothing and since she found out that i am slowly beginning to date someone else (we already stoped dating), she has only encouraged it and messaged me once 4 days ago asking how i am doing. I believe she has a new bf anyway but i really dont want to find out. The last time i checked her profile she had a picture up of her and him. Its really depressing and i dont want to think about it.

 

In case any of you are wondering why a single crew jock is pining over a girl that he dated for only a year well here as some reasons. She was my first love. She loved with me for 3 months of the relationship. I was doing steroids (yea i know) and she dumped me at the end of a cycle when you are very suseptable to depression. If you become depressed you can enter a downward spiral because it affects your testosterone greatly. i was at 195 and now im at 173. All muscle i might add. Anyways, she and i were really close and the she kept stringing me along saying she was confused and that she didn't want to hurt me anymore but she still had feelings for me. Well she stopped telling me this once she had me replaced. She has already had her rebound guy and is now starting fresh in a new relationship with no attachment to me. All of this in three months. What hurts the most is the reasoning. With all her problems, it was her breaking up with me because i wasnt the one. I wasn't what she was looking for and instead of giving me the respect to try and work things out with someone that really cared for her, she choose to look elsewhere, like i was easily replaceable. She never really looked back. Instead her bipolar behavior left her to just move on very quickly. ill finish this rant later. sorry so long.

[jonny87]

I know it's tough, but you really need to let go. Don't send any kind of message to her. Doesn't matter what it says. She knows how you feel. She already knows everything that you would say to her. And it won't make any difference. At all. If anything, it will make everything much much worse. You know that it won't accomplish anything, and you know that yeah, you might feel good about sending it at the time, but in an hour or two you're going to regret it. Trust me, I've been there. And I know you have too. If you really love her, you'll let her go.

 

To let go does not mean to stop caring,

it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,

it's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,

but allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means

the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,

it's to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,

but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,

but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,

it's to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,

but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,

but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,

but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,

but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

 

To let go is to fear less and love more

Remember: The time to love is short

 

------ author unknown

[AltplanB]

I understand all that. I have times where i straight out miss her. I have times where i break down and cry. I never cry, im a really strong person. I got really close to her over a year and although she says she really cares about me, she got into another relationship immediately after. Shes done with me. She only wants to be my friend. As the days pass, it only becomes more and more apparent. I struggle everyday with the woman i still love. It kills me.

 

My only hope is that one day i truly can say **** it and move on. I have tried so hard to do so but it just isnt coming. I will succeed. Its going to happen. I will stop feeling sick when i think about her being with someone else. I will stop feeling terrible about my life without her happy smile filling my day. I will have to go on, knowing that ther will eventually be someone out there that makes me just as happy. Thank you for your help, i hope this does not take much longer for me.

[CaliGuy]

I understand all that. I have times where i straight out miss her. I have times where i break down and cry. I never cry, im a really strong person. I got really close to her over a year and although she says she really cares about me, she got into another relationship immediately after. Shes done with me. She only wants to be my friend. As the days pass, it only becomes more and more apparent. I struggle everyday with the woman i still love. It kills me.

 

She wants you as a friend in the capacity of leaning on whenever she falls on her face. That's the kind of friend you don't want to be if you are in love.

 

My only hope is that one day i truly can say **** it and move on. I have tried so hard to do so but it just isnt coming. I will succeed. Its going to happen. I will stop feeling sick when i think about her being with someone else. I will stop feeling terrible about my life without her happy smile filling my day. I will have to go on, knowing that ther will eventually be someone out there that makes me just as happy. Thank you for your help, i hope this does not take much longer for me.

 

When you implement NC, when you delete any reminders of her, when you delete her phone number, delete her off IM and make up your mind that you respect yourself enough to accept it's over and move on with your life, then you will start to heal.

 

Let go, man. The sooner you do, the sooner you will heal. You don't need her in your life and there will be plenty more babes for you.

[AltplanB]

ran across a love not while eating. Man it really upset my stomach so i tore it out and threw it away. I really miss her though. sorry.

[chocolate_boy]

I understand all that. I have times where i straight out miss her. I have times where i break down and cry. I never cry, im a really strong person. I got really close to her over a year and although she says she really cares about me, she got into another relationship immediately after. Shes done with me. She only wants to be my friend. As the days pass, it only becomes more and more apparent. I struggle everyday with the woman i still love. It kills me.

 

My only hope is that one day i truly can say **** it and move on. I have tried so hard to do so but it just isnt coming. I will succeed. Its going to happen. I will stop feeling sick when i think about her being with someone else. I will stop feeling terrible about my life without her happy smile filling my day. I will have to go on, knowing that ther will eventually be someone out there that makes me just as happy. Thank you for your help, i hope this does not take much longer for me.

 

Dude we've all been there, you are not alone here, and there is no set-time for how long these things take. Yeah it does suck ass like crazy, but one day this will feel better, it might be tommorrow, maybe next month, maybe next year, but take your time, live a chilled out peaceful life for a few months.

 

I am over my ex now, it's been 4 months, but I am starting to feel a bit lonely now... however at the moment I rarely go out, probably a mixture of the cold weather, and everyone being strapped for cash after xmas still, but I don't lead a very fun life at the moment, I do need to do something to kick my social life up the ass soon, but after a break-up it can take a while to get back on your feet, so take your time buddy.

[AltplanB]

thanks. I try to be optomistic about it. SOmetimes i break down and want to either call her or knock myself cold. Im not suicidal but ill be sitting in class wishing i could just end all this pain, all these visions of the past that i cant escape. Everything reminding me of her. I swear to god every girl i meet or hear has her name. And i am still left with the non-resolve as to why i wasn't the one. I know i shouldn't seek out an answer but the silence is killing me more than her. Especially with all the attention she is getting from the new guy. I know i just have to let go, but i still hold, knowing i am only hurting myself.

[CaliGuy]

thanks. I try to be optomistic about it. SOmetimes i break down and want to either call her or knock myself cold. Im not suicidal but ill be sitting in class wishing i could just end all this pain, all these visions of the past that i cant escape. Everything reminding me of her. I swear to god every girl i meet or hear has her name. And i am still left with the non-resolve as to why i wasn't the one. I know i shouldn't seek out an answer but the silence is killing me more than her. Especially with all the attention she is getting from the new guy. I know i just have to let go, but i still hold, knowing i am only hurting myself.

 

Alt, have you looked into any books on dealing with obession? It's painfully obvious you are obsessed over her and frankly, you can do better. You will do better. But you have to snap out of it and let go.

 

Life has so much to offer that whether a woman is in your life or not you should still be having a great time.

[AltplanB]

i know im obsessed, i came to that conclusion like 2 months ago. It just takes time i guess.

[CaliGuy]

i know im obsessed, i came to that conclusion like 2 months ago. It just takes time i guess.

Time is only 1/2 the equation. You have to understand why you are this way and take steps to resolve it. You can wait years to get over this or you can take some positive action to resolve it quickly.

 

Don't let it fester. Get help. Talk to a Counselor if need be. There's nothing wrong it that.

[chocolate_boy]

Time is only 1/2 the equation. You have to understand why you are this way and take steps to resolve it. You can wait years to get over this or you can take some positive action to resolve it quickly.

 

Don't let it fester. Get help. Talk to a Counselor if need be. There's nothing wrong it that.

 

I don't think what Alt is feeling is out of the ordinary, it's only been a couple of months, I don't think you need counselors yet (unless you feel you need it). I felt very similar after my break-up, the next step you need to take (or maybe you are now) is realising it is completely OVER forever, get depressed over it, cry or go out get drunk etc. do whatever you have to to deal with it, but do deal with it, she's gone and she doesn't want you anymore, it is awful but when you accept this you will start to regain your pride and feelings of self-worth.

 

You're feeling like this because you have been rejected by someone you trusted, that does suck. But you need to feel your self-worth back and start acting like a man dude, been whiney and worshipping her won't acheive anything, she disrespected and rejected you through choice remember.

 

You need to maybe get pissed off at her, that's how I got over my ex, after she rejected me again I was like "fu*k you then", and she's sent me sms messages since that night in November but i haven't replied, and now I don't even care, I have no urges to call or contact her, infact I get a bit of a smug feeling of satisfaction knowing I'm not some loser ex like the rest of her ex boyfriends who pine and beg her for years and are there at her every call.

 

She made her bed, now show her what life is like without you. Trust me, do it as a bit of a game if you like, store up the NC like it's money in a bank, day by day week by week, enjoy keeping all the details of your life away from her (she will get curious trust me!), remember she CHOSE to live her life without you in it. By the time you're feeling good about the NC and your new life, you won't even give her much thought, trust me with this.

 

You are a healthy young guy, there will be other girls who will come along (and sorry to say it, but will probably break your heart even worse! ) but you learn that's how life goes. 95% of relationships end in break-up, hell 50% of marriages end these days.

[AltplanB]

thanks man. That was a lot of good advice up until the part where you started telling me about how almost all relationships end in breakup. When i feel like **** again, ill come back on here and post. I dunno if i turned a corner, but i am getting dates lined up so that i can enjoy life again.

[chocolate_boy]

Lol yeah sorry bud, but was just putting it into perspective for you, not intending on making you feel bad. More a case of be happy for what you had an experienced, and look forward to future relationships, cos everyone that ends does so for a reason and you become one step closer to finding the one you will stay with, hopefully forever.

 

That's all I meant by it, was just showing you that you are completely normal and so is your situation, and millions of others have gone through what you're feeling now, so don't worry.