Please help!

[Heartbroken in Florida]

Hello. I have been involved in a relationship for the past 10 months, with a man named Nathan. I live with my love, and until 2 months ago, I worked with him too. Our relationship was a hit from the beginning. He had been chasing me for 2 months, and once I finally gave in, we were together every minute. He moved into my mothers house with me, and we became an extrememly happy couple. After about 2 months, we decided to try and find a place of our own. Knowing that we wouldn't have enough $ to live completely on our own, my best-friend moved in. Needless to say, the arrangement didn't work out (Nathan fought with our roommate constantly), and we found our own place. Two weeks after we moved in, I became pregnant. After much thought, and many tearful days, we decided that we were too young for a baby, and made an appointment for an abortion. This is something that neither of us really wanted, but we thought it best. Immediately following the abortion, Nathan was fired from our workplace, and for the last 2 months has had no job. I have been paying bills, and trying to get caught up for us, with no help. Mind you, I'm a waitress, at a slow restaurant, so I don't make much. Our relationship has not returned to normal since the surgery, and all we do is fight. I have been trying to get to the bottom of what was bothering him, but he won't tell. After weeks of begging for a clue, Nathan broke up with me. He claims that he just doesn't feel the same about me, and is tired of trying. I know that we can work it out, if only he is willing. Right now, he wants to be alone...No friends, no family, no girlfriend. Two months ago he wanted to walk me down the isle, now he wants me to let him be alone. I love him, and need your advice!

[Excelsior]

Hello. I have been involved in a relationship for the past 10 months, with a man named Nathan. I live with my love, and until 2 months ago, I worked with him too. Our relationship was a hit from the beginning. He had been chasing me for 2 months, and once I finally gave in, we were together every minute. He moved into my mothers house with me, and we became an extrememly happy couple. After about 2 months, we decided to try and find a place of our own. Knowing that we wouldn't have enough $ to live completely on our own, my best-friend moved in. Needless to say, the arrangement didn't work out (Nathan fought with our roommate constantly), and we found our own place. Two weeks after we moved in, I became pregnant. After much thought, and many tearful days, we decided that we were too young for a baby, and made an appointment for an abortion. This is something that neither of us really wanted, but we thought it best. Immediately following the abortion, Nathan was fired from our workplace, and for the last 2 months has had no job. I have been paying bills, and trying to get caught up for us, with no help. Mind you, I'm a waitress, at a slow restaurant, so I don't make much. Our relationship has not returned to normal since the surgery, and all we do is fight. I have been trying to get to the bottom of what was bothering him, but he won't tell. After weeks of begging for a clue, Nathan broke up with me. He claims that he just doesn't feel the same about me, and is tired of trying. I know that we can work it out, if only he is willing. Right now, he wants to be alone...No friends, no family, no girlfriend. Two months ago he wanted to walk me down the isle, now he wants me to let him be alone. I love him, and need your advice!

This sounds like a really tough situation. Without knowing you both it's impossible for me to give you personal advice, but here are two things that I thought might be bothering him.

 

First of all, he may not feel worthy of you. As a man, I know that I really need a sense of worth, a sense of usefulness to people, especially the girl I love so dearly. If he is watching you work while he does nothing or cannot seem to find a job, he may not feel worthy of your love, or of anyone's attention. If he's not even trying to find a job and doesn't seem to care, this probably doesn't apply to him- but if he's doing his best and the cards just aren't falling the right way, try and build him up. Help him in his job search, but let him find it- Guys need a sense of accomplishment, and that they have done something for themselves.

 

Secondly, I hate to address such a touchy subject, but the distancing he wants may be due to the abortion. While some guys may not even care about an abortion, there is a group of men, that if their future child is terminated like that...may develop intense feelings of guilt and responsibility, and in a worst case- even a sense that you have been "dirtied" somehow by the procedure. Again, I don't presume to know either of you, I'm just trying to offer a possible cause for his behavior. Ask him if the abortion is bothering him.

 

Also, don't forget that time heals all wounds. If he does feel insufficient because he doesn't have a job, or even if he just feels distanced because of the abortion, give him time. Be gentle in your questions and attentive as you listen- hopefully you can get to the bottom of this. Just be ready to accept anything he has to say.

 

Regarding the abortion issue, the site http://www.afterabortion.org may provide some insight. Try this page in particular:

 

http://www.afterabortion.org/psychol.html

 

Especially the sections regarding the effects on relationships.

 

And if you are religious, don't forget that many churches and organizations will provide counseling for free.

 

I hope I have helped somehow, if only because I cared to enough to reply!

 

I wish you the best, let me know how things turn out.

 

sincerely,

 

Excelsior

[nikki]

hi

 

well i know where you are coming from....guys are always changing their mind....one day they want commitment and the next they don't want you period....sometimes this comes from so many emotions that they are confused....sometimes they have so many feelings and they are afraid of them...maybe you two needed a break from each other.....but the abortion didn't help the realationship none...u really shouldn't have done that.....that is probably why you are having problems...i don't believe in them and sometimes the Lord doesn't let us get by with what isn't right....the best thing is to let him have some space....but don't let him go to far....talk to him.....if he loves you he will listen.....if it is meant to be it will work out......

Hello. I have been involved in a relationship for the past 10 months, with a man named Nathan. I live with my love, and until 2 months ago, I worked with him too. Our relationship was a hit from the beginning. He had been chasing me for 2 months, and once I finally gave in, we were together every minute. He moved into my mothers house with me, and we became an extrememly happy couple. After about 2 months, we decided to try and find a place of our own. Knowing that we wouldn't have enough $ to live completely on our own, my best-friend moved in. Needless to say, the arrangement didn't work out (Nathan fought with our roommate constantly), and we found our own place. Two weeks after we moved in, I became pregnant. After much thought, and many tearful days, we decided that we were too young for a baby, and made an appointment for an abortion. This is something that neither of us really wanted, but we thought it best. Immediately following the abortion, Nathan was fired from our workplace, and for the last 2 months has had no job. I have been paying bills, and trying to get caught up for us, with no help. Mind you, I'm a waitress, at a slow restaurant, so I don't make much. Our relationship has not returned to normal since the surgery, and all we do is fight. I have been trying to get to the bottom of what was bothering him, but he won't tell. After weeks of begging for a clue, Nathan broke up with me. He claims that he just doesn't feel the same about me, and is tired of trying. I know that we can work it out, if only he is willing. Right now, he wants to be alone...No friends, no family, no girlfriend. Two months ago he wanted to walk me down the isle, now he wants me to let him be alone. I love him, and need your advice!

[Mona]

Hello there,

 

You poor little thing! I'm sorry to hear about you sad story. I know how some people go through things and end up stronger, and how tough situations sometimes break people up. This is what I think..I have seen this happen before. You both fell in love, got all high off each other and though it would never end. You were then thrown a curve ball, a challenge, that both of you had to face. You dealt with it the best way you knew how...but he probably couldn't handle the intesity of the situation...That is HIS problem my dear, and all you can do is be there if you think you love him enough. But if he wants to be alone set him free. What you did was right for you no matter what anyone in this world tells you. You are a very strong person and a wise person...I'm sorry that this has affected him in that way but it's not your fault. Stop living in the past and do something that makes you happy. If it was mean to be he'll come back, if he doesn't it wasn't meant to be...Keep your head up and love yourself first!

 

Love ,

 

MONA @----'---,--- (hugs and kisses too)

Hello. I have been involved in a relationship for the past 10 months, with a man named Nathan. I live with my love, and until 2 months ago, I worked with him too. Our relationship was a hit from the beginning. He had been chasing me for 2 months, and once I finally gave in, we were together every minute. He moved into my mothers house with me, and we became an extrememly happy couple. After about 2 months, we decided to try and find a place of our own. Knowing that we wouldn't have enough $ to live completely on our own, my best-friend moved in. Needless to say, the arrangement didn't work out (Nathan fought with our roommate constantly), and we found our own place. Two weeks after we moved in, I became pregnant. After much thought, and many tearful days, we decided that we were too young for a baby, and made an appointment for an abortion. This is something that neither of us really wanted, but we thought it best. Immediately following the abortion, Nathan was fired from our workplace, and for the last 2 months has had no job. I have been paying bills, and trying to get caught up for us, with no help. Mind you, I'm a waitress, at a slow restaurant, so I don't make much. Our relationship has not returned to normal since the surgery, and all we do is fight. I have been trying to get to the bottom of what was bothering him, but he won't tell. After weeks of begging for a clue, Nathan broke up with me. He claims that he just doesn't feel the same about me, and is tired of trying. I know that we can work it out, if only he is willing. Right now, he wants to be alone...No friends, no family, no girlfriend. Two months ago he wanted to walk me down the isle, now he wants me to let him be alone. I love him, and need your advice!