Male addicted to porn who ruined relationship; Must read

[Willber]

Male addicted to porn who ruined relationship; Must read

 

I am a male who currently has an addiction problem to online porno and cyber-e-mails (AOL Instant Messenger). I have known my girlfriend, well right now ex-girlfriend, for about 2 years now. From the moment I first met her I knew her and I would be together forever. Despite everything that has been going on in the past two days I still feel that way. Let me explain to you, the readers, what I have been doing.

 

I have been addicted to porno for as long as I can remember. There is not a day that goes by that I have not looked at, whether it’s for 5 minutes or for many hours. For a quit awhile now I hate looking at and reading the things that I have seen on the computer. I don't look at or read the articles for pleasure and enjoyment. I do so because I can't make myself stop despite hating and getting sick of what I am seeing first hand. I have a problem with identifying between non reality and what really is reality. I use instant messenger as a way for me to stop looking at the web-sites. I only use it to talk to other girls that I hardly know. I pick the girls that I want to talk to because I see them on campus or just see them anywhere looking all trashy and disgusting. I don’t talk to them to get off; I actually hate talking to them. I hate it with a passion. I do it as a way for me to stop looking at porn. I have been busted by my loving girlfriend of 1 ½ years twice now. I talk to other girls not because I want to get with them or have anything to do with them. I tell the girls that I want to meet up with them or tell me they want to meet up with. I have 0, no intentions to ever ever meet with them to cheat on my girlfriend.

 

I love my girlfriend and want to marry her more than any other guy has ever wanted to be with their loved one. She has been there for me; she has cared for me when times have been good and when times have been bad. She is my rock and my foundation on which I live and grow strong on. She is my better half. Ever since she and I have been together she has given me plenty of chances to confess to her my problems. We have an open and honest relationship (except this part of my life that has been a lie). The first time she caught me talking to another girl I first denied it and then within a matter of seconds I admitted to her everything. She forgave me and since then up until 2 days ago she gave it her all in this relationship. I have given it my all as well, which is hard for her to believe. I was supposed to go to therapy 6 months ago about this, but I always made excuses not to go. I never wanted any of this to come out because I was afraid of getting embarrassed; getting made fun of, having people think I was nasty and perverted. It happened again 2 days ago. I got caught with talking to another girl, telling her I wanted to meet up with her. I even went as far, as sending her a picture of me, which I cut out my girlfriend from. With all rights, she is mad at me. She wants nothing to do with me. In her mind I have lied to her this entire time we have been together. I have deceived her. I have lied to her and I have treated her with not the respect that he deserves. I had many among many chances to go to her, but I thought I was strong enough to handle it on my own. I failed completely. I have ruined my life as well as her life. I have ruined the best thing that will ever happen to me. Her world and my world are turned upside down and we are both scared and confused and alone.

 

Each and every day I fight with myself about looking at pictures and reading the articles that I have read. I make deals with myself continually to try to get me to stop. I look at the pictures and read the stories not because I want to but b/c I feel forced to by the creators of the pages. The way I talk to other girls online and the times I look at pictures I always hate it. I hate the way it makes me feel before, during and after. It only brings me down and in bringing me down it always make me turn to it again. I never told her my problem about internet porn b/c for some messed up reason I believe as long as it stays online, whether its looking at pictures, reading the stories, or talking online that it is fake, it is not real. That is why I never ever want to actually have something going on between me and some other girl from the computer b/c once you see them in person then it becomes reality. In the stories and looking at the pictures, there is no bad ending to it. It is make believe and nothing ever good comes out of make believe, especially to this extent. I will never ever cheat on whom was my girlfriend. I care so much about her. She is the most amazing girl; I wish you all could meet her. But..I have made mistakes, lots of them. Being that most of you reading this are females let me tell you porno is a hard addiction for me. It tears us apart, well it did for me. It has ruined who I use to be and who I am now. It has done nothing good for me as well as for anyone. It has a hard addiction that can be broken and will be broken if the guy is willing and ready to. For me I am ready. I started to today (22nd of January) to get help. I am getting rid of my computer for awhile and then when I get it back there will be programs and I will have accountability partners to help me in my struggles.

 

I just wanted to write and let everyone hear it from a guys perspective on how this is a hard addiction. By now means, I am using this as an excuse for my actions. I have done what I have done and now its time for me to accept that, live with the consequences but learn from this all just so I can make myself better and other relationships better.

[cygny]

I appreciate your sharing your story here. It helps me understand.

 

Are you going to seek professional help? It really sounds like you'll need it.

 

Good luck!

[Willber]

Yes; I am starting to seek professional help. I started to go today and I will continue to go for how ever long neccessary. For those 45 minutes that I had to talk to someone really made a difference. I felt so better after talking to someone who was not just telling me how bad I am and just yelling at me.

[Mistaken Identity]

Thanks for your story. That was brave of you to tell all. I've heard that men who are hardcore addicted to porn can no longer find fulfillment with real live women. Hmmm...

 

Congratulations on getting help.

 

Why not get rid of your internet until you can deal with your problem?

[Mistaken Identity]

Thanks for your story. That was brave of you to tell all. I've heard that men who are hardcore addicted to porn can no longer find fulfillment with real live women. Hmmm...

 

Congratulations on getting help.

 

Why not get rid of your internet service until you can deal with your problem?

[Willber]

Fulfillment with real live women: I can totally. The things that I looked at and read about disgusted me with passion. I hated looking at the things that I did and reading what I read. Every day I hated it and I always told myself that I hated it all. There was no pleasure coming from looking at what I have seen. I kept looking at it b/c after years of looking, it just made me feel bad when I didn't take the time to look.

 

I can't get rid of the internet cause I am in college and most class assignments are online and I need to be able to check my e-mail. After tonight though, I am getting rid of my desktop computer, and whenever i do get it back there will be programs on it that allow whom I choose to be able to check it at anytime to see what I looked at on the internet.They can check it from their own computer anytime the please. Every action I make on the internet they will be able to see it. I am getting rid of my computer so I will have to use the schools computers or a friends computer. I will have people watching me to see what I do on the computer. My actions will be followed by people that love me and care about me.

[Mistaken Identity]

Sounds like you have a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. Is that right?

[Weye]

Porn has become a hot issue in the LS. First off I'd like to say that you should now feel ashamed for looking at porn. There's nothing disgusting about it, its a perfectly normal thing for someone to do. Very few men lead porn-free lives. The problem lies in the fact that you spend as much time as you do with it.

 

Let's imagine you were to go a day without looking at porn. What would you be doing with your time that would otherwise have been spend in front of a computer. I would suggest taking up another hobby or sports. Something new to be passionate about, to lead your life in a new direction.

[barfool]

As with most addictions it takes hitting rock bottom to realize that you have a problem and need help. I fully support anyone who can admit this and seek outside assistance. When even pleasurable activities become detrimentall to your relationships with others and your feelings about yourself then it is time to call it quits. Stay strong!

[turningsoft]

You are definitely taking a first big step, unfortunately it is long over-due. My best advice would be to get a hold of it, find out why you feel you have to feel bad like that and why u choose that medium to make u feel bad, then lastly after a few weeks or months of therepy, I would see if your ex would be willing to come to a session with you.

Once you can identify why you had to do that and may be easier for her to understand. It will take a very long time to rebuild that trust and this will not go away. Anytime in the future when you are online all it takes is a dating service pic that looks kinda pornish to get that addiction going again, so you better be careful. If you truly love her can you be sure that you will never put her through this again? We Women need to feel like the best prize to be won and need to feel cherished.I am having my own trust issues with a man right now and it kills. Goodluck-we are here 4 ya.