Starling2003 Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 So, does it realy matter to a guy what his gf looks like? Will he want to be with someone else that he finds MORE attractive. If his gf carries a little extra weight, does that make him want to be with the really attractive girls? Do guys just dump the girlfriend if they find someone who is more attractive...if they work out with someone who is more attractive and they "like" them...will they become dissatisfied with their girlfriend and start to stray and think about leaving them? Are guys this shallow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starling2003 Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 Does a girl have to be model thin to be attractive? Can they carry a bit extra and still be as attractive? I must confess that I hate myself...is this the right forum...?...and I fear that my bf would rather be with someone else who is cuter...and in shape...after all, he is a personal trainer. I do work out, but I don't seem to loose weight even being a healthy eater for the most part. It is so distressing to me. I feel like a fat slob, and I feel like he would rather be with someone who was thin...I feel that is what guys think are attractive. Sigh....can I still be attractive? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Of course you can. Regardless of what you might be forced to think by the media, the fact is that many men prefer a little meat on the bones as apposed to a lollipop headed model. Nothing there to cuddle and hold... yuk! I'm in pretty good shape, and naturally quite slim, however, I know I'm holding a little more weight than I would prefer after the Christmas period! Regardless my bf (who is a fitness model pt) is more than happy with my figure, he has specifically stated that really thin girls just don't do it for him. He likes me fit and toned, but too lean would be a turn off. So cheer up! He wouldn't be with you if he really whated something else now would he? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 A guy would not be with a girl he didnt find attractive. You do not have to be a model so be attractive and you do not have to be thin to be fanciable! A guy friend of mine was with a girl who was plump - He met a girl who looked the spitting image of Cameron Diaz. He left the plump g/f for Cameron and guess what? After 6 moths he realised he made the mistake of his life! He begged his plump ex to get back with him and she kicked him to the curb! Now he is all alone and all because he got overtaken with good looks - Maturity tells you that looks mean NADDA! Self confidence is the most sexy feature in a person - No matter how they look! Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Some ARE this shallow. Some are not. I think the best way to determine if someone is shallow or not is to get to know them over time and learn * What are their values? Do they talk about money and appearance all the time? Or do they care about other things? * How do they treat other people? Are they generally respectful and kind or do they have an arrogant demeanor? * What is their family like? Are they warm, friendly, open people or are they judgemental and critical? You will learn to recognize various clues that will tell you whether someone is truly in love with you and accepts you for who you are. By the way, many men don't want a super-skinny girl. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 THere are plenty of beautiful women who don't have 'model' figures, who are successful in relationships because of their confidence and personality. Don't be so down on yourself! One of my ex-college-roommates did NOT have what is considered the 'perfect' body. She was very top heavy and had wide hips and short legs. Nevertheless, her GORGEOUS boyfriend was completely, utterly and madly in love with her. She just had a lot of confidence and sparkle. She was very outgoing and a lot of fun to be around. She also dressed to suit her body type; she wore flattering clothes that accentuated her positives (bust, small waist). By the way, even models are 'airbrushed' to achieve a completely unnatural 'perfection' in photographs. If you see them post and pre air brushing, you'd be shocked. When I used to wait tables years ago in a very expensive area, I sometimes waited on former Victoria's Secret model, Stephanie Seymour. Don't get me wrong, she was (and I'm sure still is) a tall, slim, pretty woman. But the way she looked in pictures is NOT the way she looked in real life. She sometimes had straggly hair, dry skin or a not-exactly-flat stomach. We are all human and all have imperfections. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Most men will tell you that an armful of bones isn't sexy. Honestly, would you want to be holding someone who is thin to the point of gauntness? Do not let the fashion industry dictate how you should look. If your bf is with you it's because you're what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 My h always tells me that models look like they are on crack that is how they get skinny.. MY H tells me all the time that men like more meat than bone to hang on !! Not saying over weight but average .. Link to post Share on other sites
TheSwordfish Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 No need to worry. i do like girls that aren't overweight but looking like a stick isn't that cool either. I would say, if someone loves you, you shouldnt feel to insecure. Women will always ask men questions about other girls looks (Do you think she's pretty?). But why should you compare yourself to other girls, he's with you for a reason isn't he? Its not just a tight body that makes someone attractive. I always tell my girl (well I don't have one right now ) she looks great and that I don't care about other girls. There's a big difference in loving someone and liking the way someone looks. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Exactly The Swordfish looks isn't everything it is what is on the inside that counts ,cause we get old and our **** will shift but who we are stays the same!! Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I've had a few male friends tell me about the "cutoff point" philosophy. I used to have this same question in my mind and had a few interesting conversations on the topic. My question went like this: If you were dating a girl you found attractive, and you met one you found more attractive, would X, Y or Z run through your head? They told me there's a cutoff point. A point at which a girl is hot, and anything hotter than that is superfluous and will not turn you on any more strongly. One man defined his own cutoff point as an 8 (on a scale of 1 to 10). He said a 10 will not turn him on considerably more than an 8 will, because an 8 already triggers maximal groin reaction from him. Therefore, if he was dating an 8 and was happy with her, and a 10 came along, while he would appreciate her beauty, he would see no reason to place the 10 above his current 8. For all intents and purposes, an 8 and a 10 are equally arousing to him. Each man apparently has his own cutoff point. All you have to worry about is whether you meet his. If he frequently compliments your appearance and seems very satisfied with you in the sack, you're good to go. This is all besides the fact that even if you aren't quite at his cutoff point, he may find other things about you extremely attractive and/or may have morals that will keep him from straying. Link to post Share on other sites
l2hvn Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 being sexy/attractive is a state of mind, regardless of body type. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I completely agree with l2hvn. Being physically attractive only really helps with that first meeting of someone. If you are comfortable with yourself with a good attitude and exude sexiness then getting and keeping men is not a problem when overweight. I am not even of average body type but have not had problems getting and keeping men. And the men that I attract due to my sparkling personality and dead sexy attitude are a lot better than the ones some skinny skank would attract. Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I feel like you sometimes (OP) but if I say anything like my butt feels big etc. my b/f is like your fine and I don't want to hear it, so I never mention it anymore even if I still feel it. I think it is something within us, not in the men we are with. Ever feel like you need to buy a new outfit to look good at that party tonight?? See, I do and its the same thing... same body but a little extra new thing makes you feel like a 100 bucks! It is a same insecurity in you and in me and in most of us girls... but it is normal and it passes until the next time we relaps! hahaha So, don;t for a minute think he thinks your not sexy enough, because you are but YOU have to feel it to see what he sees, what he feels Link to post Share on other sites
camel Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Does a girl have to be model thin to be attractive? Can they carry a bit extra and still be as attractive? I must confess that I hate myself...is this the right forum...?...and I fear that my bf would rather be with someone else who is cuter...and in shape...after all, he is a personal trainer. I do work out, but I don't seem to loose weight even being a healthy eater for the most part. It is so distressing to me. I feel like a fat slob, and I feel like he would rather be with someone who was thin...I feel that is what guys think are attractive. Sigh....can I still be attractive? Starling -- I think you have a lot more to work on than your physical appearance. Your self-degrading comments point to a low self-esteem and a negative self-perception. Guys are attracted to girls who are self-confident, make them feel good about themselves, and are fun to be around. Yes, in the realm of men and sex, guys will always have their "ideal" figure, but they can find that in a magazine. They want what they can't have with the magazine, what only you can give them. Stand up tall and feel good about yourself and your body. He's with you isn't he? If you start suggesting he may want to be with other people, he will start thinking about it too. Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 ...a lot better than the ones some skinny skank would attract. Ahem. "Skinny skank" is as offensive as "fat whore", contrary to popular belief... Link to post Share on other sites
Bellona Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Don't beat yourself up about it. If he wanted to be with someone else, then he would. But, the fact that he chose you shows that he likes who you are -- the whole package -- so no worries! I feel the same way you do at times. I am not overweight, but I am not tall and rail thin. I have a very curvaceous figure, but my boyfriend likes it. He is in extremely good shape and has been an athlete all his life. I sometimes think, "Why in the world is he with an average schmuck like me?" He doesn't see it that way. He more than lets me know that he appreciates me the way I am. It took me a while to get over the uneasiness I felt, but I know that women hit on him all the time and check him out when we're together -- but I'm the one he goes home with. Don't sweat it. Just remember that confidence is extremely sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 "model thin" is very UNattractive to me. I like a woman who is built like a woman. :-) For example, I think the women in that Dove ad campaign for "real women" a while back were just right. I was surprised to hear how many men thought those ladies were overweight. Link to post Share on other sites
Apathygrip Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I dont know....Im a guy who is kinda skinny so girld "Im" attracted to are generally really skinny.....but I'm not a type of guy you;d want to date anyway....so there ya go. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Ahem. "Skinny skank" is as offensive as "fat whore", contrary to popular belief... Hey, being called a fat whore is fine with me. I really don't care what people think. But I do consider myself an ethical slut... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I think that being called a 'skinny skank' is indeed just as offensive as 'fat whore'. I am not tall, but I am what most would call 'rail thin', mainly because of my abnormally fast metabolism as well as some health problems as a kid. I also have pretty large breasts for my height and weight and I have freuqently been called, right through school to even now, a slut based merely on the fact I am skinny, which I think is unfair. Most people just said that they were jealous of me, but that didnt stop me from crying over it. I was walking with my friend 2 weeks ago, who is a little over the large side but is absolutely beautiful inside and out. We were mocked and called Fatty and Skinny by some vain simple minded bi!tch of a woman. I was more upset than my friend bcause I find all kinds of name calling offensive. Sorry for the little lecture but I get pretty annoyed at name calling. Link to post Share on other sites
Basic Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I like them looking like models and I like them slightly overweight. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Geez, BlahBlahQueen. I have not run across this cutoff point theory before in practice. I tend to talk to guys before I actually "date" them and then it doesn't seem to matter whether I'm a 5 or an 8 on the aesthetic scale. The cutoff idea I think does not apply to men with a behavioral age above 18. But this admittedly could be a much older man. I at least like to cling to the idea that personality is worth something. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Hey, I didn't mean my remarks as offensive to anyone. By no means are all skinny people "skanks" or fat people "whores." I just have a problem with people stereotyping overweight people, whether they are male or female, as being unattractive. It makes as little sense as using the names above. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Hey, I didn't mean my remarks as offensive to anyone. By no means are all skinny people "skanks" or fat people "whores." I just have a problem with people stereotyping overweight people, whether they are male or female, as being unattractive. It makes as little sense as using the names above. Hey i didnt mean to directly aim my little lecture at you just thought id point out that skinny people are just as likely to be stereotyped as those who are overweight Link to post Share on other sites
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