Should I just let him go or profess my love?

[Lila]

My boyfriend and I just broke up a few days ago and I feel like crap. Durinh the year that we dated, we had lots of arguments and even had a few short break ups in between. Things ended when we had another argument and he expressed that he felt that we were in an unhealthy relationship that was too stressful. He said that although he cared for me alot, he felt it was best to be apart because we would continue to hurt eachother. He said that perhaps in the future we might try again, but right now things just felt wrong.

 

I told him that I was sorry and admitted that most of the arguments were my fault. I know that I had been unappreciative at times and not considerate of his feelings. I told him that things could change, but he said that he tried so many times with me and things always end with us arguing. I tried to convince him that things would get better, but he is being stubborn.

 

I feel so dperessed now b/c I feel that I do love him now and it might be too late. We have gotten back together before after breaking up, but this time I am scared its for real.

 

Should I let things be, or keep tryinh to talk to him. I know that I shouls give him his space and move on and let nature take its course, but I am scared that if I don't act, we will not get back together. I really feel such a mess right now. Please share any insights. Thank you.

[midori]

I'm sorry you're in a bad place right now, break-ups are so tough to handle and accept.

 

Seems to me that taking some time and making some space for self-reflection is in order here. You say:

I told him that I was sorry and admitted that most of the arguments were my fault. I know that I had been unappreciative at times and not considerate of his feelings.

If you sincerely think that you were the cause of many of the problems in the relationship then before you can think about getting back together, you need to figure out what was going on and why you were being destructive and difficult. The answers may well lie within you and might have little or nothing to do with your ex or with the relationship. But until you can truly account for what was going on, and until you can be quite certain that you won't repeat the cycle yet again, you shouldn't be thinking about getting back together.

 

I'm not advising, by the way, that you assume all blame for what went on. But figure out your side of it. Making promises that things will change is not enough: you've got to have explicit, detailed understanding in order to ensure that getting back together wouldn't just be a re-run of the old, flawed relationship.

Should I let things be, or keep tryinh to talk to him. I know that I shouls give him his space and move on and let nature take its course, but I am scared that if I don't act, we will not get back together.

Act by giving him and yourself space. Do something about it by figuring out what the sources of your problems were. Only when you have a full understanding will you be able to reasonably decide if you are in a position to give things another try. If you reach that point (and it won't happen overnight, nor in the course of days or weeks; I'd be looking at a few months, minimum) and find that you want to, get in touch with him and see how he feels. You can't save the relationship by clinging to him. You can only save it -- if it's salvageable -- by solving the problems that ended it in the first place.

 

In the meantime, try to do some fun, escapist things so that you're not dwelling too much, i.e. all the time, on your unhappiness. I'm recovering from a break-up myself and I can tell you that the worst thing I've done to myself is to spend all of my time and energy wondering, waiting and wishing, rather than doing things that will help me to grow and to move on. Good luck. You'll pull through this regardless of how things ultimately work out with your ex.

[Tony T]

You had your chance many times and you kept driving him away. He finally had his fill. He has no good reason for trying again.

 

Back off and learn from this. You have some behavior problems that need serious modification. Don't think you can be nasty to somebody repeatedly and have them be eager to stick around.

 

I would do the same thing your guy did, except a lot sooner.

 

Chalk this up to a learning experience and do better next time. Sorry I didn't write what you wanted to hear but I give you great credit for being honest with your post. You screwed this up big time.