Spiteful ?

[ehead]

This was posted on another forum, but I think I like you guys better, so here it is. Hope that's not against the rules:

 

Things did not go very well for my girlfriend and I this Saturday. Tension was building up. Then later in the evening, I feel certain she told me something out of pure spite.

 

After getting dressed to go out to dinner, I grabbed a cool (dress) hat and walked out to show my girlfriend just how cool I looked. She thought I looked great but was oddly disturbed by the hat, and insisted I not wear it. Her reaction was sort of strange, so I (rightfully) thought it might have something to do with a previous boyfriend, though this in and of itself was strange (it's as if she purposely acted odd about the hat for my benefit ... ?). We had discussed my "complicated" feelings about hearing too many details about her past sexual relations. I say "complicated" because there is more involved than just jealousy ... I am strangely aroused and jealous at the same time. I just left the hat behind and didn't mention it again ... at least not until later.

 

Trying to find a place to eat was difficult and things just went from bad to worse. After having a stupid fight about where to eat, we went back to my place and I asked her to tell me what was up with the hat, and ironically asked her whether I was allowed to wear any other hats, or were all hats off limits.

 

She proceeded to inform me that I was going to wish I hadn't asked her, but that she was going to tell me anyway. Then she told me how once her ex wore a hat almost exactly like mine during sex. He had some strange problem that kept him from achieving orgasm. One morning, doning his hat, he had vaginal sex with her for 2 hours straight and gave her 25 orgasms. I know the story sounds ridiculous, but she has convinced me it is true (I know her ex and had heard something from someone else about his "problem" ... also, apparently he takes very little satisfaction from sex, which may explain his difficulty. He would go weeks without making a pass.). Anyway, I got a little jealous when I heard this.

 

Later that night after she went to bed I lay there staring at the ceiling and a thought occured to me ... Perhaps she shared this with me purely out of spite ? It's as if she wanted to tell me that there is no way I would ever be able to achieve with her what she has sexually with others. A slight jab at me ... you can never give me 25 orgasms, that is something we can never share.

 

Just a thought.

 

I know everyone will say "get over it" and all that, and they will be missing the subtlity of what I am saying. It's not what she said ... it's her possible motivation for saying it. Am I just over-analying ? Or is she playing head games with me ?

[clandestinidad]

You are not overanalyzing, my friend....you have picked up on a form of female manipulation....sorry

 

We are not stupid creatures who dont think about the things we say. She knows exactly what it does to a man to describe such sexual instances with an ex. She knows that there are ways to give info without giving SO MUCH info.

 

She could have simply said, "it looks similar to a hat my ex wore, and i'd rather not think about him"

 

but she didnt....she was intentionally cruel

 

But beware, b/c if you confront her and call her out on it, she will throw a HUUUUGE fit! she will deny deny deny, and proceed to attack YOU

 

My advice is to think back to other times she has done this type of thing. If she does it frequently, or at specific times, then you might want to re-think your relationship. No one should have to be put through such painful games

[Neptune]

I do not believe her story. My last girlfriend had that sort of spite in her. I am glad she is long gone;) Probably the most important thing to look for in a SO that would be a warning flag is a predisposition to spite. Keep that in mind as your relationship progresses. A leaky boat only leaks worse as time goes on.