Should children always come first in a relationship?

[luckygirl]

This child is with us 50% of the time.

[Roo-bie2]

Lucky,

 

First off I think you need to read some child development books. This behavior your describing is very typical of a child that age. Is it right, not really, but it is developmentally normal a stage and phase a child can go through. Things get more complicated when the child doesn't have the parents all the time. BECAUSE YOUR CHILDREN DIDN'T/DON"T DO THIS doesn't mean it is wrong or bad that his child is. Your children have each other this child might be different because of it being a "single/only" child. That child is having to learn to share daddy not with just one person but 3 other people (you and your children). That is a lot harder for a 4 year old to do than an ?? Year old adult sharing their partner with one child.

 

You are asking this person to put you before his child. I am a divorced mom and I wouldn't have done this. My child came first. I can always find another person to fill the spousal void. I have found a wonderful man that understood this. Now we juggle our priorities as a family. We know if we don't take care of our marriage then it would negatively effect our children. He had to give first. Was it easy going from dating, living together, marriage? Nope. There was time I did things wrong. There was time he did things wrong.

 

I think you are normal for getting jealous but you the adult. You need to realize he is a different person and he parents differently. Also, realize that many men dump or let their kids feel replaced by the new family. That child could very well be feeling replace and he is doing his parental duty to insure that child doesn't feel replaced. Because he didn't do things your way doesn't make it wrong, just different. You should feel lucky that you have a man that cares so much for his child.

 

One of the hardest task for me to learn was accepting other's parenting. That my parenting wasn't alway right. Does he feel that he couldn't care for your children at night the same way? Have you let go and given him permission not just verbal, actual letting go. This is very hard to do.

 

He knows his child better than you. If he believed his child needed that 15 minute talk then they needed it. Nighttime needs are valid even if it doesn't involve tears. You are sending that child a message by saying "Oh it didn't need anything." You are saying their concerns and thoughts are not valid.

 

I agree with the other person said being jealous of this child only strains the relationship.

 

How much time do you have with your children? Is it more than the time he has with his? Even if it is 50% he is still most likely missing more than you are.

 

Also have you thought about asking for alone time with your children? Do you want it? Making alone time for each child, yours and his, can help build relationships. It can also stop some jealousy. My dh and I work on making alone time for our three children. It adds to individual and family relationships.