Answer this

[TJ37]

I'm 37 years old from Maryland. I have been married to my wife for 16 years now. We have no kids, due to lots of medical reasons. About 3 months ago I found out my wife had an affair. I had been suspecting something was going on for awhile now. We would receive phone calls at all hours with hang ups. The cell bill had lots of numbers dialed and received from someone I did not know. She always said she didn't know who it was and must have the wrong cell number.

 

She began acting really strange, with no inhibitions of sex where as before she would always clam up when I came near her or wanted to be intimate. Then all of a sudden she wanted sex all the time. Don't get me wrong I loved it but was strange because of the complete turned around. When I questioned her about things she would brush it off and tell me I was being silly and paranoid.

 

I went to work one day, she had the day off at her job. I came home early because I had a gut feeling something was just not right. To my surprise I walked in on her in our bedroom having sex, not with one guy, but two. I was shocked, hurt, heartbroken, etc. One guy was behind her while another was infront of her letting her give him a BJ. I stormed out fot he house. I didn't know what to say or do. I went back to my job and sat for the lonest time. She called my cell about 20 minutes after I left the house, and get this, she had the nerve to ask me what was wrong? I say to her, I just walked in on you and two other guys what do you think is wrong? Do you know the woman denied it! Why? Why would she deny what I had just walked into? Someone please explain this to me.

 

We are seperated, I left to clear my head. I asked her if she wanted to work on things, she said sure but she didn't understand why I was upset and left? WTF? What is her problem? Shes denying I caught her in the act. She saw me standing in the doorway. She looked like a deer caught in headlights! She knows I saw her, why is she denying this? Someone please explain this to me.

[Presario]

I'm sorry about what you saw and what you are going through.

 

I can see two reasons:

1) she's schizophrenic,

2) she doesn't have any better excuse.

 

If I were you, I would get a divorce.

[TJ37]

Thanks so much for your reply. I think she just can't come up with a better excuse. You know its one thing for someone to suspect something and not have real proof of anything, and the other spouse denies it, but to have someone walk in on you in the middle of it and still deny it, something is wrong.

 

I would like to think that we could work this out by going to marriage counseling or something, but that can not be done until she can admit what she was doing. I have tried to communicate with her, be there for her, helpful etc. To connect with her emotionally, do anything she liked or wanted sexually, but yet she still went out and did this. I don't understand. Obviously I did something or maybe didn't do something for why she felt the need to do this. However, I wont know what that is until she comes clean with what I walked in on.

 

I moved to an apartment in an apartment complex about 2 miles from our home. She has called maybe a dozen times wanting me to come home. I told her I can't, and that I'm stil confused and upset. She really never says anything else. I guess my best bet is to contact a laywer and get things rolling. I can't see her coming clean or talking to me about this anytime soon. I do not want to live my life feeling I can't trust her. Its just a big mess.

[lilmoma1973]

 

Presario couldn't agree more with you if i caught my h doing that i would be gone !! The nerve of the wife denying it makes me think she has no remorse for what she does or she would understand why you are pissed!! Maybe she thought it was ok what she was doing.. She has lost her damn mind evidentally wondering why you mad... Good luck sorry what she done to you hope you run and never look back !! You deserve better than that..

[Curmudgeon]

Ifit was me I would seek neither excuses nor explanations. What I saw would be all the closure I'd need and I'd be gone without a backward glance.

[jmargel]

Doing this with two guys? Thing is those phone calls could have been coming from another besides those two. Usually if a woman is on her 'first' affair its not usually with two men. Good chance she's been cheating on you for a long time with multiple guys.

 

Get yourself checked and find a lawyer. She sounds very immature and probbably believed she would never get caught. To do this in your own house in your own bed is beyond disgusting.

[whichwayisup]

Definately talk to a lawyer and get your wife to some therapy. She needs it.

 

I'm sorry that is happened to you, it's just awful! The whole thing is just WRONG and even more wrong with 2 guys! IN your bed and she denied it! WTF?

 

I don't think this is forgivable judging by her reaction and how she's handling it. She must either be very good at lying to herself or she's bipolar, or has mulitple personalities. I don't know, but you leaving is the BEST thing for you.

 

Take care of you now.

[TJ37]

With alot of thinking and reading these replies, I have decided to contact a lawyer. I really think its the best. I do not want to be in a situation where I feel I can not trust her.

 

Jmargel, you may be right, its possible shes had an affair before, and if so, she must have hidden her tracks well before, but not this time. In 16 years I have never noticed anything being weird or suspecting anything at all until about 3 months ago when I first caught her. I still can't fathom why she would deny this though. I'm sure it should be the least of my worries though. Maybe shes on drugs or something, I have no idea. I will contact a lawyer and go from there. She called me earlier today and wants to talk, I really do not know what else there is to say. I would like to at least see what she has to say, so we shall see. Thanks so much.

[zenolith]

NO! You didn't do anything to make her feel that way! Don't say that and don't think it. I don't know you but I know you don't deserve to be hurt and lied to like that.

 

She does not respect you at all. Her lying proves that. Worse, she is playing mind games with you by denying the obvious and probably hoping that your stressed state is going to get you to a) Admit that you drove her to it somehow (see above) or b) think you are crazy and imagined it somehow.

 

My wife did that with another married couple and if she hadn't come clean right away, admited full and sole responsibility and promised to never see them again I would have divorced her. I gave her 30 days and she complied, accept nothing less. BUT, if I didn't have two kids with her I would not have given a second chance.