I really like this girl at work, but..

[KRob18]

I really like this girl at work, but we really don't know each other. I like the way she looks - her eyes and her smile really gets me. Other then that, I don't know why I feel like this about her since I don't know her. I haven't mentioned it to her becaue I don't want to ruin anything just incase she doesn't feel the same way about me. I know she is really nice though from people in the workplace.

 

I want to ask her out on a date but I am too afraid of rejection. It is hard for us to talk because we barely see each other. She works on the 2nd floor and I work on the 1st floor and we hardly ever cross paths. When we do cross paths, we usually say hi and chat but really not for more than 2 minutes.

 

We been working there together for about 2 to 3 years. She has never approached me about a date. Is this a bad sign? How should I approach her about this?

[amerikajin]

First off, the man is almost always expected to be the aggressor. If there's interest, she's expecting you to make the first move. So I guess there's no problem at this point in that regard.

 

You don't know it but the distance you have at work is a good thing. You don't want to be sitting in the same office if things don't work out, or if you get rejected. And on that note, don't fear rejection. Getting rejected doesn't make you a loser, it just makes you single a little while longer.

 

The best thing to do though is to pick up on signs of a woman's interest. Things like her smiling at you while she talks, good eye contact, playing with her hair and other subtle signs. I don't know about the nature of your little 'chats' but in the next one, you might want to ask her about her weekend, and what she did and use that as a springboard for conversation. Get a feel for what she might like and might not like to do in her spare time and then maybe after that, in a subsequent chat, ask her out for coffee so that you guys can talk more.

[Demp]

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[KRob18]

I have asked her once what she does on the weekend. Everytime I see her, I always get nervous and never say what I want to say. I kick myself later becasue of it... I wish I didn't get so nervous. I do want to ask her out but I'm thinking if movie or dinner is the best thing. Since I don't know her that well, I think going with dinner is best so we can talk, but sometimes I have problems keeping a conversation going. If I go with the movie, we won't get much of a chance to talk. Plus, when is the best time to ask her?

[amerikajin]

A movie's a bad idea on the first date. In fact, I wouldn't watch a movie until at least the third or fourth date. As you say, you can't talk much if you're both sitting there watching a movie. Besides, if you haven't talked to her much, you won't really know what kind of movies she's into, which will leave you either a) guessing and gambling, hoping that she'll like your selection; or b) asking her if she likes a certain kind of movie, which sort of makes it seem like you're asking for her approval - again, something she doesn't like. As well, the movie date thing is so cliche almost. Save it for when you really start to know her and have a feel for what her interests are like.

 

I'm also cautious about dinner at this stage. Again, it's too trite and it makes you look like you're trying to set up something a bit quickly - a bit eager to take things too quickly. That can make a woman feel uncomfortable. I'd suggest coffee after work. You can buy her coffee, chat, talk about what interests her, and then see if you guys have anything in common. And if that goes well, then suggest a date.

[amerikajin]

Krob,

 

About keeping the conversation going...that's actually much easier than it looks. The problem is that men often make the mistake of thinking they are the ones who have to keep the conversation going; that's not really true at all. We just have to keep the conversation going by asking the girl questions - and by listening. I emphasize that part because I guarantee, she will test you later to see if you've been paying attention.

 

But to the point, in recent years I've learned that about 75 percent of the conversation should be coming from the woman. Women think we talk too damn much anyway, so it'll be a real relief if she can talk to a guy who will sit there and listen to her and show some real interest in her by asking her questions. You don't have to be a daddy mack. You just have to follow the conversation, think about what you want to know about her, and then ask questions about that. Just make sure you avoid heavy or controversial topics like politics, sex, religion, death or boring stuff like work or the tax code. Talk about her interests...music, movies, hobbies, sports, activities, friends. That's at least a good two hours of conversation right there. The more I date, the more I realize that the first date is actually the easy part, it's the second and third date that can be challenging. You've created an expectation on the first date that you have to live up to later.

[KRob18]

A movie's a bad idea on the first date. In fact, I wouldn't watch a movie until at least the third or fourth date. As you say, you can't talk much if you're both sitting there watching a movie. Besides, if you haven't talked to her much, you won't really know what kind of movies she's into, which will leave you either a) guessing and gambling, hoping that she'll like your selection; or b) asking her if she likes a certain kind of movie, which sort of makes it seem like you're asking for her approval - again, something she doesn't like. As well, the movie date thing is so cliche almost. Save it for when you really start to know her and have a feel for what her interests are like.

 

I'm also cautious about dinner at this stage. Again, it's too trite and it makes you look like you're trying to set up something a bit quickly - a bit eager to take things too quickly. That can make a woman feel uncomfortable. I'd suggest coffee after work. You can buy her coffee, chat, talk about what interests her, and then see if you guys have anything in common. And if that goes well, then suggest a date.

 

You make some good points here that I will think about. I'm not sure if she is a coffee drinker though. I know I'm not. Now I'm thinking about lunch but it is hard to run into her sometimes. We do talk through e-mail sometimes. Does it look bad if I ask through e-mail?

[amerikajin]

Well, it's always a good idea to ask if she likes Starbucks or some place like that. You can get tea or juice if you like, and they have some smoothie type drinks as well.

 

I would try to ask her in person if possible. It does look better, and besides, she might get nervous if you ask her out via the company network. Even if there's no official dating policy at your company, she might not want others to have evidence of a romantic relationship for a number of reasons. Some people just want to keep their work and romance separate - or at least give the appearance as such. And it does make you look like more of a dude if you ask her upfront. You gotta talk to her eventually anyway if you want to get anywhere with her so you may as well ask her face-to-face.

[KRob18]

One other thing, say we do go out for coffee or out on lunch during our break, should I treat? I was thinking I will treat but I don't want to send out a bad sign or anything if I did. I haven't been in the dating world for a while now so I'm trying to learn everything over again..making sure I don't make the same mistakes I did last time.

[amerikajin]

These days it's a tough call. If I were back in the South, I would offer to treat. But that custom may vary from place to place, and quite literally, from person to person, too. I would just ask at the end of the date if she minds your treating. If she says she wants to do dutch, then leave it at that - don't insist on treating her. That way, you don't look like you're trying to control her but at least you asked for it and you don't come away looking like a tight wad either.

[wishing well]

Firstly, you should exercise caution before approaching. To begin with this is your work place and you do not want to over step the boundaries and be described at worst as a sexual pest e.g like Dennis Rodman in the Big Brother House.

 

It sounds to me that you are an admirer of this lady, and there's nothing wrong in that. However, if you are going to go out on a limb especially at work you need to establish if she is worth it. Perhaps, you could ask in a casual manner a trusted colleague whether they know anything about her. For example has she got a boyfriend?, is she engaged?. Don't go over the top as you will sound like a stalker.

 

Alternatively, there is nothing better than the source it self. I know no one likes rejection, but next time you see her rather than a 2 minute conversation try and spin it out. Ask her what she did for her weekend or what she is going to do for her weekend. If she says a gig or concert find out - be casual and say that sounds like it will be good who else are you going with?. Usually at this point If she has a boyfriend she will drop that in the conversation big time like a bomb!

 

It is hard to tell what she feels about you. She might like you but be shy. On the flip side she might not fancy you but then you have to brush it off because at this point all you have fallen for is a fantasy, her eyes her smile, and in reality you don't really know her.

 

Anyway, good luck I hope it goes well.

 

I really like this girl at work, but we really don't know each other. I like the way she looks - her eyes and her smile really gets me. Other then that, I don't know why I feel like this about her since I don't know her. I haven't mentioned it to her becaue I don't want to ruin anything just incase she doesn't feel the same way about me. I know she is really nice though from people in the workplace.

 

I want to ask her out on a date but I am too afraid of rejection. It is hard for us to talk because we barely see each other. She works on the 2nd floor and I work on the 1st floor and we hardly ever cross paths. When we do cross paths, we usually say hi and chat but really not for more than 2 minutes.

 

We been working there together for about 2 to 3 years. She has never approached me about a date. Is this a bad sign? How should I approach her about this?

[KRob18]

Firstly, you should exercise caution before approaching. To begin with this is your work place and you do not want to over step the boundaries and be described at worst as a sexual pest e.g like Dennis Rodman in the Big Brother House.

 

It sounds to me that you are an admirer of this lady, and there's nothing wrong in that. However, if you are going to go out on a limb especially at work you need to establish if she is worth it. Perhaps, you could ask in a casual manner a trusted colleague whether they know anything about her. For example has she got a boyfriend?, is she engaged?. Don't go over the top as you will sound like a stalker.

 

Alternatively, there is nothing better than the source it self. I know no one likes rejection, but next time you see her rather than a 2 minute conversation try and spin it out. Ask her what she did for her weekend or what she is going to do for her weekend. If she says a gig or concert find out - be casual and say that sounds like it will be good who else are you going with?. Usually at this point If she has a boyfriend she will drop that in the conversation big time like a bomb!

 

It is hard to tell what she feels about you. She might like you but be shy. On the flip side she might not fancy you but then you have to brush it off because at this point all you have fallen for is a fantasy, her eyes her smile, and in reality you don't really know her.

 

Anyway, good luck I hope it goes well.

 

Yea, I'm in a really tough position. The week is over and no progress was really made. I talked to her the beginning of the week, but not for long. I do want to find out if she is available or atleast interested but I don't know how to find out right now. I don't know anyone close to her. The few people that I do trust in my workplace, work on the same floor as me so they really don't know her either.

[Demp]

Please don't like a ****ing guy!