emma16 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 This is somewhat long but I need advice on what to do or how to go about this. I am 26 and my fwb is 38 we have been friends for years being that fact that we live in a small town everyone knows everyone and EVERYONE KNOWS what the others are doing. People in this town LOVE to talk and it got me to thinking when people ased me if I was dating this person I replied "no we have a casual relationship" this thing is he has alot of the qualities I look for in a man. The thing is he is shy. Of course shy may not be the right word he is Bitter toward women because of his divorce 12 years ago which I should mention I use to babysit his kids who are now 19 and 16. After that he had a 8 year relationship with a women which has been over for three years now. However when she finds out he is dating or even sleeping with someone she is right back in town trying to break it up the thing is "she doesn't want him but no one else can have him" she hooks up with him for that night and leaves him. So it might not be that he is shy but that he doesn't want to get hurt. When we see each other he has a hard time coming up to me to talk but I just walk over we start a conversation and we can talk all night long. I am not the only one that notices he watches my everymove when I am out people point this out to me and when I leave somewhere I say good bye and he always winks at me on a night that I don't go over to his place. When I am over we talk and I try so hard to get him to tell me how he feels I questined things like is he sleeping with other people too and he said now why do you want to me too. My response of courcse is no and I say well I am not either and he tells me "I don't care what you do." Maybe he means that but I almost doubt it I believe he has been hurt that much in that past. I don't want to get hurt in this fwb relationship and I also don't want to hurt him thats why I need to know how he feels beucase I want more and if he doesn't we should just end this that way no one gets hurt. How do I make him see that I am not like his ex wife or ex girlfriend and how to I get him to open up to me with out just flat out saying if it can't be more we should end this becuase I am afraid that will hurt his feelings and my now it is all around town and people think we are dating. What can I do fast to get an answer out of him.......Oh and the ex girlfreind has been arounf twice while we were at the bar her not knowing thought they talked but both nights he went home with me.. I need some advice Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Ex's often are a problem. They can swoop in and use old partners for sex. They know what she/he likes, and utilize their old chemistry. This guy has kids, his ex will be around a long time, he is much older than you. Easy for me to say...you should explore other people. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 ....and he tells me "I don't care what you do." Maybe he means that but I almost doubt it I believe he has been hurt that much in that past. I'm always amazed that people 'doubt' what they've been told when it comes straight from horses mouth, so to speak. I don't want to get hurt in this fwb relationship and I also don't want to hurt him thats why I need to know how he feels beucase I want more and if he doesn't we should just end this that way no one gets hurt. Just tell him that. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Emma, before you do anything, I humbly suggest that you read some of Lishy's posts on the same subject. That may give you some background on a handful of the issues that go along with an FWB relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Emma the problem here is that you have feelings for him and because you get along so well and connect so well you feel he is hiding how is is feeling. He isn't - When he says he doesnt care if you sleep with other guys, he means it! He is loving the attention a young lady is giving him (what guy of 38 wouldnt?) My advice is to give it up - Dont worry about hurting his feelings cos he sure aint worried about hurting yours honey! Like Slub said, read my posts and save yourself the grief I went through! It isnt worth it, trust me on that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emma16 Posted January 26, 2006 Author Share Posted January 26, 2006 I have taken your advice lishy and ended the fwb relationship that i had going on with the guy. However it was the wrong day to do it beucase I called him and told him but the next thing you know we shot pool at his parents bar for pool league and he was there watching his daughter shoot. Let me tell you I HAVE NEVER felt so uncomfortable in my life he must have told his entire family what happpened because I got the cold shoulder from eveyone which was very odd beucase we have got along so good for the past 9 years. It is done with though and I feel a sense of relief. I can do better then that and I will not get myself into this situation again. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Good for you!!! That must have taken a lot of gut! Link to post Share on other sites
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