Introduction

[charliepapa]

Hello everyone, I would like to introduce myself and obtain some advice. I am 31, just finished studying at uni as a mature age student and living with the parents. At the moment I pack boxes for a living.

 

Basically I am starting a new life for myself, and my old identity which involves Rugby and drinking. I have few friends and the few people I know I do not want to have anything to do with because it is not who I see myself as. As an uneducated (not uninteiligent) blue collar worker. I have never been particualy good at forming relationships because due to bullying I have the suspision that They have some sort of subversive agenda.

 

How do I approach people, say hello and maybe invite myself to a gathering without making myself look like a complete tosser. I was doing Latin dancing, but turning up alone to the parties with limited chances to talk to anyone made me feel like a complete lech, and of course while dancing with the ladies was fine, I could not make any friends out of it.

 

On another issue - I have never had a girlfriend and my doctor suggested it was my fear of failure that was preventing me from getting anywhere. This fear of failure went well at uni - not failing a subject but with people. This was another reason why I felt like a lech while dancing.

 

My life isCatch 22 - can not make friends because I do not have any, can not have a relationship with a women because I don t have experience and cant get the job I want because I lake experience.

 

 

Can anyone offer any advice or suggestions?

[slubberdegullion]

First of all, welcome to the Shack, CP.

 

What you're experiencing is nothing new. Fear of rejection is a powerful force which keeps many, many people from getting all they can out of life. It seems that this fear is what's causing you some grief in many aspects of your life.

 

So from where I sit, it seems that the beginnings of a solution aren't specific answers to specific questions; rather, it's a matter of finding a way to manage this fear of rejection and apply your newfound knowledge in almost every aspect of your life.

 

What you may be looking for is some sort of personality makeover, but I dont' really think that's going to work. Fundamentally, your personality is what it is and trying to change it will probably cause you more harm than good.

 

Human beings are social creatures, and to lock one's self away in a prison of your own making won't really do you too much good. Recognizing that is probably the first step to developing a solution that will work for you.

 

Are you familiar with Myers-Briggs Type Inventory? It's a form of personality test which may help clarify who you are and why you are like that. It's not a way to find fault, or a way to boost your ego; it's simply an information tool.

 

From what you've written here, it seems pretty clear that your main personality driver is Introversion. Again, that's not bad, it's just the way you are, and that's to be celebrated and honoured. (I'm a strong intovert as well.)

 

So take a look through the test, complete it, and post again.

[Outcast]

Once you're an adult, the best places to find friends are at work or by joining groups. There are many sorts of groups from political associations to volunteer organizations. After that, it's just a matter of striking up conversations with people and seeing who you get along with .

[charliepapa]

Joining groups is not the problem, getting over the fact that I feel inadequate as a person is. From an early age society seemed to say that I was worthless and I accepted that. The problem is getting passed superficial realtionships and establish close intimate friendships.

 

Step 1 Joining groups - Fine

Step 2 Maintaining friendships - difficult

Step 3 finding someone special forget about it.

 

Can anyone help?