Bad Influence From My Sister?

[Moai]

First off, I love my little sister to death. She is one of my best friends, totally, and we get along famously...

 

And that is the problem. Recently I had a relationship with a woman, who told me that sometimes it seemed like I was too influenced by my sister. I thought that she meant my behavior in some ways, as my sister gives me relationship advice from time to time--usually right on the mark, too. She also told me that sometimes when we fought or discussed our relationship I was acting "like a chick." She was kind of crazy, and I chaulked this up to my being in touch with how I feel all the time, and demanding certain behavior from people I care about, and when something hurts me I say so and try to resolve it--most men I know shut off or just split.

 

You had to be on your toes emotionally growing up in my house!

 

But a couple nights ago I was talking with another woman friend about something that was going on in our circle and she said, "you are such a chick about this." I looked at her kind of shocked and she said not in a bad way, but that I reacted to certain things and had certain opinions that were like a woman, and that it was actually a good thing and that she wishes more men were like that.

 

Now I see that is what the other woman meant, too. And I am not sure how I feel about it.

 

I am nowhere near feminine, nor do I have effeminate mannerisms, it is the way I look at situations and feelings. I am not hyper-sensitive--actually, I am closer to shallow than I am gushy and emotional.

 

My sister is, or has been, VERY manipulative (that's why she is such a help with some wmaen I have dated), and she is also very attractive, and I see similar behavior in other attractive women I know, and so I tend to react to it like I would if my sister were doing the same thing. "Karen is doing 'x' to get me to do 'y'" kind of thing.

 

My sister is by far my closest relative and when growing up we hung out more than I did with anyone else--simply because we lived in the same house, of course.

 

The downside is I get along so well with my sister that I get along well with other women well, too, but I end up with a brother or friend vibe more than I do with a "date him" vibe, which I regret a lot of times.

 

Another thing that happened was in a bar with an attractive bartender working, who I am on a first-name basis with and we flrt a little. She menitoned seeing a show about a retarded couple who want to get married and I said, "Oh, that was 'Like Normal People' with Shaun Cassidy" and she got all excited and told me I was the only guy who ever knew what she was talking about, and we chatted about it for a while and whatever. My friend Johnny was sitting there, and he said, "You know how you were saying that chicks want to be your friend and you think you understand them too well? I now know what you meant, because it just happened right there." And he's right. I can't not do that, though. It's as if seeing every Lifetime movie (no choice: two sisters, I was constantly outvoted at the television) has mutated me into the Perfect Male Friend. Dammit!

 

And I mentioned this on another thread, but it is with women I am not interested that I get the most "date me" feedback. To that end, I now put more attention in to the women I am not interested in and see what develops there, because my choices before were all wrong.

 

I am not sure how to fix this in myself, or if it is even a really a problem. It is only in the past year that anyone has even mentioned it. And it has come up more than I mentioned in that time, too, but those three stand out.

 

I am just kind of confused. Anyone else have a similar thing with a sibling's influence? What did you do about it, if anything?

[whichwayisup]

Without hurting your sister or causing a fight, the best way of handling this could be just to distance yourself from her...Just in the sense of how much you share about your life with her. Still be there for her ofcourse, but maybe turn to your male friends about women problems/advice.

 

Can you give me an example of what it is? Like how you react, or handle things? More emotional than the average man? Or do you tend to take things to heart and aren't able to brush them off... If you don't like certain aspects of yourself, make a list. Slowly change them, be aware when you see those traits and try to figure out WHY you are reacting a certain way. It is based on emotions or the actual situation.

[Moai]

Without hurting your sister or causing a fight, the best way of handling this could be just to distance yourself from her...Just in the sense of how much you share about your life with her. Still be there for her ofcourse, but maybe turn to your male friends about women problems/advice.

 

I have already.

 

Can you give me an example of what it is? Like how you react, or handle things? More emotional than the average man? Or do you tend to take things to heart and aren't able to brush them off... If you don't like certain aspects of yourself, make a list. Slowly change them, be aware when you see those traits and try to figure out WHY you are reacting a certain way. It is based on emotions or the actual situation.

 

It isn't that I react like a woman or am sensitive like a woman, it is all about the manipulation factor. A friend was trying to manipulate me while a bunch of us were hanging out, and I mentioned it. One of my female friends said, "You're such a girl about these things." and I asked her what she meant and that is what spawned this line of thinking in me. I had another woman I was interested in before mention it, but I didn't know this is what she was talking about.

 

It is more of a "how I think" thing than a "how I feel thing". I am not more emotional than an average guy (less so in many ways, actually), and I do take certain things to heart but not more than anyone else I know.

 

I have never tried to change how I think conciously, though. It is so ingrained I am not sure how to go about it.