Traveling Soldier

[Tofu]

Hello, Thanks for reading.

 

Basically I have known this military guy for about 4 1/2 years (We'll call him Jason). At first we were just friends because he had a girlfriend. So, we just hung out at parties. Shortly after I met him, all of my/his friends including him went to Iraq. This was when the war first started.

 

So they spent a year over there. I wrote him a couple of times, but my main focus was my close friends over there, not necessarily him since we only really talked during parties, but there was some communication between us.

 

A year went by and they came back, I immediately was inseperatable with the guys I kept close contact with. So, naturally, I would see Jason alot, since he was best friends with my best friends. Come to find out, when he went to Iraq his girlfriend basically dropped off the face of the earth, she moved from our town, she changed her numbers and she never wrote him. He came back to nothing. His heart was crushed.

 

I will admit, I did have a school girl crush on him, but never really showed it to him. And didn't think about him at all until we started hanging out again. Well, my friends figured me out and told him that I liked him. SO instantly we started getting close and eventually it turned into sex. We were inseperable. Our best friends moved on and got out of the military and went home to their families, so all Me and Jason really had was eachother since he re-enlisted for 4 more years.

 

Ever since he was screwed over by his ex girlfriend, he has been very cautious of who he gives his heart to. So, we never got to the "girlfriend/boyfriend stage" We had sex and we were close friends. That is as far as our status went. I admit, I did fall for him HARD. He knows it, I know it, but it still didn't change anything, he never wanted to get his heart involved. So, the end of 2005 came along, and we were told that he was getting deployed back to Iraq. By this time him and I were spending all day everyday (of course not during work) but we were always together. Still no status. I went through a long period of time that I would cry and be miserable because he couldn't commit to me, but when the news came he was going to Iraq, I decided to except that there was nothing in our future and I was glad we were going to have another year apart. I know it sounds greedy, but WE NEED time apart. The new has worn off and all the games and crap he has put me through, makes me want to cut all ties with him. He has hurt me so much and our time apart has made me realize that I deserve better. I don't want to write him, I don't want to send him packages and I don't want to talk to him when he gets back. Even though I know I have to since I have all of his stuff and his car. Now I can see why he lost his girlfriend during his last deployment, he probably emotionally abused her too.

 

But, here lies the problem. I care about him and his feelings, even though I am DONE with the way he is playing me, I still care if he hurts, and I don't want to cause his hurt, by not supporting him. I am the only one in the US who is supporting him, but I know if I continue like nothing is wrong to save his feelings, things will be the same and my feelings will always be is harms way.

 

So, What do you think? Thanks for reading!