Why do men continue having sex with their wives while having an affair?

[blind_otter]

Oh, I get it....YOU don't! I'm saying this thread is biased. Noone is admitting it, but it's a fact:That's all I'm saying. She did NOT make it clear this is her situation. I don't see how you gathered that, it's simply not in there.

 

I hate it when people play the effing semantics card. The original question was about married men. Therefore the subsequent posters used the convenient pronouns and genders contained in the aforementioned given from whatever theoretical situation was initially described.

 

Hyjacked thread.

[luckygirl]

*because he loves his wife and the affair is extra sexual activity.

*men don't equate sex with love

*men crave alot of sex with many women as much as possible.

 

 

If he loved his wife, he would not be having an affair!

 

Women do equate sex with love! That is why they cannot continue to have sex with their husbands while having an affair!

 

Women crave sex too! With one person who truly loves them!

 

That is exactly the problem!

 

Women equate sex with love and men do not! I think all women should deprive men for awhile and watch them have sex with holes in the walls. That is what men think of women! Just a hole in the wall!

[blind_otter]

If he loved his wife, he would not be having an affair!

 

Women do equate sex with love! That is why they cannot continue to have sex with their husbands while having an affair!

 

Women crave sex too! With one person who truly loves them!

 

That is exactly the problem!

 

Women equate sex with love and men do not! I think all women should deprive men for awhile and watch them have sex with holes in the walls. That is what men think of women! Just a hole in the wall!

 

Ummm...noooo...I'm a woman and I continued to have sex with my exBF while cheating on him a few years ago.

 

I actually cannot equate sex with love because I was violently raped when I was younger. I think of sex as a biological function.

[whats wrong with me]

I used to be the one he was having an affair with, now im the wife hes still having sex with. If she doesn't leave him, he will NEVER leave her!! he's got the best of both worlds. You better hope she doesn't leave him, believe me in a couple years you wont feel so lucky

[reader]

Because they can.

[loony]

Because people have sex with their spouses in normal marriages and unless the affair is out in the open it would make no sense to stop doing something that is considered to part of the marital pleasures?

 

I find it more weird when OM/OW think they have some kind of special rights on their MM/MW. The affair is the deviation from the norm, not the marriage.

[magda]

I don't know. I don't think all men continue with the same level of sex. People have sex for different reasons. I am definitely the stereotypical woman that cannot become turned on if all is not right in the world, so I have a lot of trouble wrapping my head around this one. Men are different... I read a book about extramarital affairs once and it discussed how a CHANGE in sex SOMETIMES indicated an affair. That could mean more or less sex. That means some guys start banging their wife MORE when they are having an affair. It could also be that the wife senses her husband pulling away and uses sex to try to reign him in again. For as many reasons as there are for entering into an affair there are sexual habits, so, it's hard to say.

 

I really think there is something to the "because they can" statement, though.

[Moose]

I hate it when people play the effing semantics card. The original question was about married men. Therefore the subsequent posters used the convenient pronouns and genders contained in the aforementioned given from whatever theoretical situation was initially described.

 

Hyjacked thread.

Well, it's too bad you look at it that way. I'm not hijacking the thread. This is what leads to stereotyping. It was a valid question pertaining to the subject. Women are just as guilty. To concentrate on men cheating, while having sex with their wives leads to man bashing......

[magda]

Well, stereotypes exist for a reason. Have you looked around this forum much? Most all of the posts are about the Other Woman and the Married Man.

 

Sex is usually more emotional for women than for men. Yeah, it's a stereotype, but it's just one of those things.

[Moose]

Well, stereotypes exist for a reason. Have you looked around this forum much? Most all of the posts are about the Other Woman and the Married Man.

All that proves is that the women like to talk about it, (some even like to brag), while the men wisely keep their mouths shut..

 

Surely you're not suggesting that a Married woman would NEVER have an affair with a single man?????

[magda]

All that proves is that the women like to talk about it, (some even like to brag), while the men wisely keep their mouths shut..

 

Surely you're not suggesting that a Married woman would NEVER have an affair with a single man?????

 

Surely you're not saying that ALL women like to talk about it (unwisely) and men NEVER do???

 

I dunno, I see what you're saying, but maybe save that argument for when women are doing some legitimate man-bashing, which I haven't yet seen here.

[silktricks]

Why do men continue to have sex with their wives while having an affair? Even if they are completely in love with their affair and plan on leaving their wife? After he leaves the wife and divorces her, how does the new woman handle the thought that he continued having sex with his wife?

 

Because most of the time they love their wives, and are having an affair for fun. Usually they aren't "completely in love with their affair". They are telling her they are, because that's want she wants to hear.

 

If indeed he does end up divorcing his wife and marrying the OW, then guess what? Most of the time, he's going to have another affair.

 

It was the affair he enjoyed. Not necessarily the woman he was having it with.

[AnchorManagement]

It's not exactly an earth-shaking concept to say that man and women cheat for different reasons.

 

Women love sex as much as men, but they're alot less likely to grab some on the side if they're already in a loving relationship. A happy, loved woman will usually stay faithful. But once they're taken for granted, or lonely, or the love fades, then, yes, they're every bit as open to falling into an affair as men. And once there, they're every bit as stupid about it as men.

 

Men just love sex. The journey from point A to B is pretty direct for us, and done with alot less inner agonizing. It doesn't mean we're a less loving gender or less emotional, it doesn't even mean we feel less for our wives. It means, very simply, that men just love sex. This disconnect is mind-boggling to plenty of women who can't fathom how or why we screw around when there's a loving woman waiting for them at home. It's a fair question, but I think for men it's like asking why they have a hankering for sushi when they have a perfectly good steak waiting for them at home. It defies logic and, given the potential for complete disaster, it defies all common sense. Yet we cheat, again and again and again. And then we go home and have sex with our wives, because we may genuinely love and desire them as well.

 

I guess the bottom line is: If you want logic, buy a computer. Applying logic to sexual behaviour is like wallpapering a sandcastle.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Well said, Anchorman! I agree with you 100%.

[D-Dan]

If indeed he does end up divorcing his wife and marrying the OW, then guess what? Most of the time, he's going to have another affair.

 

It was the affair he enjoyed. Not necessarily the woman he was having it with.

 

Not always true. I was the MM and had an affair with a MW. I did leave my wife, and eventually she left her husband.

 

We're not together now, but it was such a painful experience all round that I would NEVER have another affair.

 

Oh - and I did stop having sex with the wife as well. Mind you, I never lied when I said my marriage was a disaster. The sex had stopped long before the affair started.

[No Stress Lady]

Well, it's too bad you look at it that way. I'm not hijacking the thread. This is what leads to stereotyping. It was a valid question pertaining to the subject. Women are just as guilty. To concentrate on men cheating, while having sex with their wives leads to man bashing......

 

Blimey - maybe I'm wrong but you seem awfully touchy about married women having affairs . The thread just asked about MM - and, as Magda said, most of the posts here are from OW in a relationship with MM. If you wanted to ask the question in reverse why not just start a new thread if you feel that men (OM or husbands) are so under-represented here?

 

When referring back to the original thread I think AnchorManagement summed things up perfectly - good post.

[manandmistress]

I am a MM with a mistress; however, my mistress knows I will not leave my wife, We set ground rules in the beginning. My W and I do sleep together. My mistress is living with someone and sleeping with that person as well. We never lied to each other about it but I would imagine that men lie about it in fear to lose there marriage. My mistress and I got invovled knowing neither one of us would leave our marriages so I would say a man would lie depending on the situation. If he is lying to the mistress to begin with and giving her a false illusion of a relationship that could turn into marriage then he is going to lie to make his mistress feel like she is the only one for him.

 

Just my thought.

[scarletletter]

I am in a relationship with a MM and I am a MW. The question about the sex thing just doesn't come up. I want to ask about it all the time, but I know better than to do that. He doesn't ask me and I don't ask him. I don't sleep with my husband at all, not even in the same bed and haven't for many, many months....that's another story all together. The thing is, MM and I decided in the beginning that we have to be mature about this, no ranting and raving, no questions about home life...we were just going to fill the emptyness in each other's lives. We had a discussion before going through with this about what we wanted, what we expected, and what we didn't want. Here's the problem...one does not expect to get so emotionally attached to someone in the beginning, and when it happens, of course it is going to cause some hurt feelings imagining your lover in bed with someone else. Am I mature enough to handle it? I don't know sometimes. I know that the problem with MM's marriage began with a sexual problem so I don't think that even if he is having sex with his wife, it is for sure not very often or he wouldn't have tried to find me. I just try not to think about it and I do agree with previous posts on this topic. If a man can have his cake and eat it too, he certainly will do so.

[elmejor]

Because most of the time they love their wives, and are having an affair for fun. Usually they aren't "completely in love with their affair". They are telling her they are, because that's want she wants to hear.

 

If indeed he does end up divorcing his wife and marrying the OW, then guess what? Most of the time, he's going to have another affair.

 

It was the affair he enjoyed. Not necessarily the woman he was having it with.

 

This sounds like a lot of rationalizing...as for the question here, I believe a person will continue having sex with their spouse while having an affair because stopping sex with the spouse would cause suspicion, and for whatever reason, they do not want the spouse to know about the affair. It hardly proves that they love their spouse! To continue with the generalizations, you say if a H leaves the W for the OW, in most cases he will have another affair. Guess what? If the H stays with the W, in most cases he will have another affair too! So, that whole theory is meaningless. If the W still loves the H and is having sex with him, yet he has OW, why in the world would the wife think her husband still loves her? By the way, I have never heard of a man having an affair with a woman he "didn't enjoy"! Please!

[silktricks]

This sounds like a lot of rationalizing...as for the question here, I believe a person will continue having sex with their spouse while having an affair because stopping sex with the spouse would cause suspicion, and for whatever reason, they do not want the spouse to know about the affair. It hardly proves that they love their spouse!

oh puleeze. . . If you really truly think that a man will continue having sex with his wife when in an affair just because stopping the sex would look suspicious you are living in a fool's paradise. They will continue having sex with their wives for any number of reasons. One of which is, they LIKE SEX. Another reason, for a lot of men, is because they honestly love their wives. That doesn't preclude the possibility for some that they also love the OW. Sometimes I'm sure they do. Sometimes, they just love the excitement of an affair. For those men - who love the excitement of an affair - IF they leave their wives for the OW, they will have another affair, because what they really craved (put the word love here if you want) was the affair, not necessarily the OW.

To continue with the generalizations, you say if a H leaves the W for the OW, in most cases he will have another affair. Guess what? If the H stays with the W, in most cases he will have another affair too! So, that whole theory is meaningless.

Of course they will - depending upon the reason for the affair. that wasn't my point. Yes, if the man is having an affair for the excitement of the affair if he stays with his wife he will undoubtedly have another affair.

 

Yeah, what I said was simplistic and of course didn't apply universally as I implied - but then nothing applies universally.

If the W still loves the H and is having sex with him, yet he has OW, why in the world would the wife think her husband still loves her? By the way, I have never heard of a man having an affair with a woman he "didn't enjoy"! Please!

A lot of MM do still love their wives - read the boards.

[elmejor]

Oh, yes silktricks, you are right, a lot of men love their wives and thank God for that! I guess what I meant was that sometimes they will try to make everything look "normal" at home when they're involved with a messy affair and trying to balance everything, you know what I mean? Many men (and women) don't always know for sure if they want to leave the marriage, and they get involved with someone and it escalates into a huge thing, they get addicted to each other, etc...It also seems like some people can be in love with more than one person at a time, unfortunately. One thing I want to stress again, is that I personally became happier when I stopped worrying about whether someone will love me forever, or not. To have "plan B" in mind at all times, which is --"hell with them if they stop loving me, I'll love somebody else."

[RainyDayWoman]

Well, it's too bad you look at it that way. I'm not hijacking the thread. This is what leads to stereotyping. It was a valid question pertaining to the subject. Women are just as guilty. To concentrate on men cheating, while having sex with their wives leads to man bashing......

 

 

i don't think she was stereo-typing, she was asking specifically about reasons why men do this, as in reasons, if any, particular to a man.

 

if i ask "why do monkeys eat bananas?", then i don't need to know why a rhino eats bananas, if it even does.

 

it's not about who's guilty, or "how dare these awful men do this to innocent wives?"

 

men and women have different reasons for lots of different things. she wanted to know about men.

 

start one on women, you may seem some different answers, though you probably won't agree with those either.

 

what do rhinos eat, anyway?

[Sami_D]

I used to be the one he was having an affair with, now im the wife hes still having sex with. If she doesn't leave him, he will NEVER leave her!! he's got the best of both worlds. You better hope she doesn't leave him, believe me in a couple years you wont feel so lucky

 

Haven't followed your story (haven't been here for a few weeks). Have you talked about what happened?

[Sami_D]

Because they can.

 

But often they can't.

 

That's why they're having an affair.

 

Wife went off sex. Doesn't want sex. Relationship has gone to hell in a handbasket.

 

The ONLY time I ever hear stuff about all marriages being sexually OK is when people are bashing the OW.

 

Yeah, right... ALL marriages involve sex.

[Sami_D]

Because people have sex with their spouses in normal marriages and unless the affair is out in the open it would make no sense to stop doing something that is considered to part of the marital pleasures?

 

I find it more weird when OM/OW think they have some kind of special rights on their MM/MW. The affair is the deviation from the norm, not the marriage.

 

And then you get into a long-term marriage situation... and she's not as interested in sex (for whatever reason)... and you have to beg... and she has a headache... and you get sick of asking...