daughters b-f says my daughter is on meth!

[candy candy candy]

hi there. i am really at a loss here. recently my daughter 24 and two kids 2 and 5 moved into our home when her b-f went to jail on a domestic charge. he is out and they are trying to reconcile now. she still lives with us as they have no place of their own. he lives with his sister.

 

when all this happened paul called me and told me that sarah was doing meth and that what was what they were fighting about. she is showing signs that she is on it but lately seems to be doing so much better. she is gaining some weight back and she looks healthier. however her attitude sucks and we seem to be butting head an awful lot.

 

it seems we have a struggle of wills here. she wants to use my truck and i use to let her but she totally abused that priviledge as she would take off all day long then always the empty gas tank. she has been doing good looking for a job but none are coming her way. she needs mainly day hours because of the kids. i watch them alot but i am not going to watch them every night.

 

so in the morning she gets mad at the baby for crying and whining. i told her to stop swearing at the baby and another battle yet begun. this evening she wanted to use my truck to go meet billy (a friend of her, my grand sons uncle) for half an hour. i said tell billy to come over here and she didnt like that. so i ended up leaving my own home to avoid her using my truck again or battling with her about it.

 

now here i sit at the fricken library on this message board at a total loss. also i had let her get a cellphone in my name. the 1st month she went over her text messages, the same the 2nd month so i shut it off. she started doing some work with me and i turned it back on then she went over the minutes. i wont say what my cell phone now is, and shut off as well and my home phone is outragious as well from when he was in jail and she was taking his collect calls.

 

so now i am debating on just turning off my home phone, my cell phone and selling my truck so she cant ask to use it. it seems a small price to pay to keep peace but still i am pissed. i dont think she is using that much. i do know she smokes pot at times and i do not approve of it one bit but i cant stop her and as long as i dont find it in my house i cant say much about it. i have no real evidence on much of this except for what paul says. she has admitted it as well but says she is not doing anything anymore but still her behaviour suggests maybe otherwise tho she never looks high anymore.

 

my hubby use to use crack several years ago and acts like an expert on the whole thing. he has put alot of dark thoughts into my head and made me so suspcious of her as well. i dont know if i would feel this way if he was not saying these things. so at times i am really angry at him for saying things and now i just tell him to stop talking about her at all. then things come up and i need to talk to someone and he is there and understands then i get mad that i do again.

 

i am just so confused as to what to do. i think i should just let go and let God and but that does mean i block her from using my truck, the phone and what ever else i can or does letting go and letting God mean to just let things happen as they may and not control them as i am trying to do? anybody? help? please?

[candy candy candy]

i have looked back at all of my posts on here and i know that no one answers the majority of my posts. i dont know why can someone tell me? i feel like **** as it is and i came here hoping for some help and as always no one answers my post. so piss on you all.

[Guest443333]

Hello,

 

As a family member of a serious drug abuser, attendee of NA and AA meetings for 10 years because of their problem, and as a person who has dealt with the exact same situation you are in..here is my suggestion and words of advice.

 

It took me a long time to accept these words, and put them into action, but I hope you are serious about doing something. That is the first step. You're not going to like what I am going to say, but here goes.

 

 

You are an enabler. You need not give up your livelyhood and your needs/wants because your daugther has issues. You need to put your foot down once and for all. If you don't want her using your truck, simply tell her "no". You do not need to explain yourself. It is your truck. AND DON"T ARGUE BACK WITH HER! That's how she wins these battles, you get sucked into these arguments which tear you down and then she gets her way.

 

Don't give her another phone. Haven't you heard "once shame on you twice shame on me"????? There are things you can do to eliminate the ability to accept collect calls and also to dial out long distance or other prefixes. Why haven't you taken these measures yet?? Get yourself a phone card incase you need to dial out long distance.

 

Stop being an enabler. Remember, people have to fall real low sometimes, then the only place they have to look is up. If you keep enabling your daughter and being extremely co-dependent she will never change and you will be fighting this battle FOREVER.

[Guest443333]

One last thing, yes, you can not control her. You must let her do as she must. It is the only way she will learn her lessons. Either she will end up fixed, or end up broken. It is not your job to fix her. Only to help her if she wants the help.

 

You can't force anyone to get help. She must take the first step to realize her actions are wrong and hurting others. And like I stated, she'll only learn these things if he's left to her own devices to make mistakes and live her life. If she goes back to drugs, you can do an intervention, but that rarely helps. People that recover recover because they've lost everything and had ENOUGH!!!!! You "controlling" this situation only makes it worse.

 

Be strong, set her free. And, if she yells at her kids and abuses drugs, I suggest you do the right thing and do whatever you can in your power to take those children and raise them correctly.