friendship question

[me]

this is a question relating to my friend, and i. we've been friends for 12 years, and now, are having a serious disagreement, and i'm wondering how to get through this, or even, if the friendship can be saved.

 

my friend, julie, came to visit last week for 4 days with her daughter the visit was nice, and it was good for my kids to see her daughter after not seeing them for several years. the problem started when she left here, leaving her 13 yr. old to visit for 2 weeks, while she went back to work. she left at 2, and it's a 5 hour drive home. she was supposed to work at 11p. we had a pretty serious problem here with her daughter, and needed to reach her that evening. we called her home at 9. no answer, repeatedly. we called her work starting at 11, and her friend said she hadn't shown up for work, and that she didn't know where she was. we called several times that evening, up until 1:30a, while her daughter got more and more worried....no julie. we called her other friends house where she would be house-sitting for the next week. no answer. it was an awful, scary night, all of us very worried. i wrote emails, no answer. she finally answered her home phone at almost 12 the next day. she said she went into work at 11, and her friend said she'd work for her to go home, and she said she did. she told me she was at home all night. then, slipped, and said she was at her friends house where she was house-sitting all night. she said she was confused for a minute about where home was??? she said her friend lied to her daughter about having seen her to cover for her??? cover for what, i'm not sure. the last time she was here for a visit, something similiar happened. that time, her kids were calling here, worried that she was in jail, or in an accident, or dead somewhere. it was awful. she showed up home hours later, and said she went to her friends house and was drinking with her, and never thought anyone would be looking for her.

 

anyway, to make this long story short, i told her i think she is lying, and that it was very irresponsible to just "disappear" on her child like that. she says she isn't lying. the whole story sounds messed up to me, and i'm tired of all the drama. should i believe her? it doesn't make sense to me. my gut tells me there is more to the story than she is saying, and it's just upsetting to watch her 13yr. old daughter so worried about her, she couldn't sleep. any suggestions?

[Ed]

Julie left her 13 year old in your care. She must have felt that you would be able to handle any situation that arose in case she could not be reached or she would not have left her with you. However, a parent should leave emergency contact information with the responsible party so they can be reached within a reasonable amount of time.

 

It sounds like Julie did take her time to call you back. But, what kind of message was left for her? What was the nature of the emergency? What message did Julie get and from who? Maybe the message Julie got did not sound urgent.

 

Whatever the case, there was a breakdown in communication with you and Julie, Julie with her answering machine and/or computer, or Julie with her other human message relayers. I don't know whose fault it was, Julie's or otherwise, but you definitely need to clear up the procedure for contacting her next time, if there is a next time.

 

Julie is being evasive or, like you suspect, just down right lying about her whereabouts. You or I could speculate all day about where she was or what she was doing. It won't do any good know to now. But, I would make it very clear to her that you will not be keeping her kid anymore, if ever, unless she can be reached within a reasonable amount of time.