The Physiology of Love -A 'Must Read' for Broken Hearts

[riobikini]

I recently posted this to another member here on the site.

 

Hope it helps someone.

 

-Rio

 

***PREP: She finally told him it was over, -once and for all.***

 

 

UT,

 

RE:

 

UT: " Guys....please tell me that this is a good thing and that it will help me heal. "

 

 

It is a good thing.

 

But now, you need information, -a plan- and a way to make it out of this fog and to the other side.

 

You have to develop understanding about where you've come, why you've been there, and how to get through the aftermath so you can be free from it enough to renew your life.

 

And that requires some of the most basic information about the physiology of your emotions to begin with.

 

I don't know how many times I have had to just step back and review what I know I know, just to be able to get a real grip on my situation and take control of it.

 

Knowing what causes my emotions to function the way they do is always the best place to start, and it's where I go for my own personal review.

 

So that's where I'll start with you.

 

I almost feel guilty about some of what I'm about to say here, -it's kind of like telling an innocent, believing, trusting five-year-old that there is really no Santa Claus.

 

Fact is, I've been dying to write this for weeks in LS and you've just given me the best excuse there is. This will not be a polished 'read' but it will give enough information, I believe, considering the short amount of time I have here to write it.

 

I hope many people run across this and learn from it.

 

So here we go:

 

Many of you already know that hormones play a significant role in the lives of humans and animals, alike, in the physiological functioning of our reproductive capability, but few realize the specific roles and ensuing impact of our body's chemicals in determining our choice of a life-partner, or love-interest.

 

Often our choice of a mate is simply chalked up to the belief that fate has led us to meet him/her and that the rituals of attracting a mate, dating, and forming a long-term relationship are just a matter of tastes, accumulative background schemata, and unassuming likes and dislikes.

 

But science is such a wet blanket to our silly ideas about love and how it develops and is encouraged.

 

Our everyday concept of love is far removed from the naive simplicity of boy-meets-girl, boy-falls-in-love-with-girl, and they live happily ever after.

 

It is more about chemicals and genes and developed behavior than hearts and Valentines, roses and wine, gooey love-letters, or melting kisses in the rain.

 

Sadly, it is the effect of certain hormones, acting with much the same effect as euphoria-inducing drugs which actually promote the attraction and mating ritual, while other hormones enter in on the follow-up and act as bonds to ensure any probable longevity of the relationship, for an undetermined amount of time, and long after the first 'hello'.

 

These hormones have been spotlighted by one of the best known researchers in this area of biochemistry, Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey.

 

Dr. Fisher's work narrows down the specific hormones involved in romantic relationships and places them in separate categories to which she links to three different stages of the physiological science of falling in love.

 

Testosterone and estrogen, the two major sex hormones most notably referred to in human sexual reproduction, are listed in stage one, the 'lust stage', where the initial reaction to the opposite sex is mostly a driving physical attraction.

 

Both women and men share the formation and presence of each of these hormones in inequal quantities according to their specific gender: in men testosterone predominates, giving him masculine characteristics, and in women estrogen predominates, likewise, attributing her with a more feminine appearance.

 

High levels of testosterone is known to promote aggressiveness and cause emotion-driven sexual behavior in both sexes without their giving much thought to the consequences of their actions.

 

Since testosterone is present in both genders and has the ability to give an edge to the already-formed facets of our personality, it is often called the 'lust' hormone.

 

It helps determine the exact physical traits that cause us to look twice at the opposite sex, and is quite frank, unshy, and unapologetic in what it chooses and deems attractive.

 

It is during the initial stage of hormone-induced romantic notion that the 'hunter' or 'huntress' (Smile) -first notices and chooses a mate.

 

The second stage is called the 'attraction stage', and introduces the production of more euphoric-inducing chemicals, or hormones, all of which are 'neurotransmitters'.

 

These powerful hormones are dopamine, norepinephrine, (adrenaline), and serotonin, the well-noted 'happiness' hormone.

 

Dopamine has a unique effect on the brain in that, once it begins to be produced during 'romantica', it creates an insatiable desire or craving sensation within the portion of the brain where emotions are 'felt', to keep producing the hormone, thereby encouraging continued romantic feelings.

 

It is amusing, if not downright myth-bashing, to note that, in fact, we do not feel with our hearts, but rather, with our brain.

 

So when our 'hearts' get broken, we in fact, have a 'broken brain', instead.

 

Yet, I doubt that the image of a brain instead of a big red heart will ever be chosen for replacement for Hallmark's best line of Valentine cards any time soon.

 

Though dopamine lays a large role in our fantasizing about our partner, causing us to daydream and go about in a partially reality-detached frame of mind, it's greatest impact is that it causes us the inability to stop thinking constantly about a partner, and creates the feeling of 'not being able to get enough of each other'.

 

It is due to the brain's appetite for the euphoric effect of dopamine, that part of the 'high' felt during the second stage is explained.

 

Norepinephrine is responsible for causing the 'rush' of emotions felt during romance. This neurotransmitter causes the 'butterflies' felt when couples see, or think of each other. It is a strangely acute awareness that may produce goosebumps or a sudden increase in pulse and heart-rate. It can also cause profuse sweating and even fainting, or vomiting, if the lovestruck is a bit too overwhelmed.

 

Working in sync with the other hormones, a brighter, healthier-looking skin tone or perpetually slightly flushed appearance is common evidence of the presence of norepinephrine.

 

The last hormone produced en-mass in the second stage is serotonin.

 

Serotonin is known in lay terms as the 'happiness hormone' because of it's ability to create a sense of well-being and promote a lighter mood. Without serotonin present in a homeostatic balance relative to our overall emotions, we would be in a constant state of depression, sadness, and gloom.

 

During this second stage, serotonin is very active and works with dopamine to promote the daydreaming and fantasizing effect but it's primary indicator is that nothing will seem to bother you; you will skip through your day like a toe-dancer, or float through it like you are walking on air. You may notice birds singing, and children laughing and all the cliche' indicators, but dealing with any crisis you encounter will simply not be a priority.

 

Since this hormone keeps you in a constant state of 'happy', it will cause people to notice your unusually 'up' state of emotions, thereby giving explanation to the common statement, " Oh, God! -don't ask him/her anything important, -he's/she's 'in love'!"

 

One of the most notable characteristics of serotonin, is that although it is necessary in specific amounts in order to feel happy in a 'normal', everyday sense, it also seems to have the ability to produce a comfort-zone and works with both norepinephrine and dopamine later on, in the third stage of love, to bring into balance some of their perhaps, sometimes, slightly negative effects, and helps temper the entire mix of hormones, transforming the emotions into a uniquely concocted formula called ' true love'.

 

The third and final stage of love is called the 'attachment stage', and is characterized by the production of two hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin.

 

Oxytocin is more well-known as the hormone released by the hypothalamus gland during labor in childbirth where it plays a major role in producing contractions for delivery of an infant, and after delivery when it is produced to help in the expression of breast milk.

 

During the third stage of love, however, oxytocin plays it's major role with orgasm during sex.

 

It is theorized that, like the bond cemented between mother and child during the release of oxytocin while breastfeeding, couples also experience bonding when oxytocin is produced by having sex, and that the longer the sexual relationship, the stronger the bond.

 

This is a good explanation as to why it's so hard in letting go when a relationship fails and two people separate, expectedly or unexpectedly.

 

Because of the induced bond created, it can be excruciating to be apart, causing other active hormones, such as dopamine, to want to wildly pursue contact and embark on an almost insane onslaught of continuous anguished thoughts of the absent partner.

 

As time goes on, however, and contact dwindles to a minimum or to none, the realization of the break can be grasped and finally accepted by the heart-broken partner, due largely by gradual slowed production and depletion of these chemicals, which promoted the emotions and bonding in the first place.

 

Vasopressin is the last chemical for discussion, and is the most mysterious in exactly how it works in relationship to the emotions. By classification, it is an anti-diuretic hormone described as a nine amino acid peptide secreted from the posterior pituitary within hypothalamic neurons, and it's primary function is to conserve body water by reducing the output of urine.

 

Although the major role of vasopressin is focused on the proper functioning of the kidneys, scientists studying the prairie vole (a rodent-like creature) made a phenomenal discovery which may apply to humans, as well.

 

The prairie vole was known to secrete the same two hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin, during sex, that humans do.

 

In the voles, long-term bonding through sex was characteristic, but scientists, hoping for proof of vasopressin's true effects concerning bonding, experimented by giving the vole a drug which suppressed the presence of vasopressin.

 

The vole disassociated with it's partner immediately and the bond deteriorated, giving some proof to vasopressin's possible role in the bonding of humans in long-term relationships.

 

As with oxytocin, no-contact status reduces the production of vasopressin back to 'normal' therefore, also reducing the desire to be with the estranged mate.

 

With proof of the roles of specific hormones relating so intimately to our human emotions during our romantic notions, and with yet other unproven theories about relationships and how they are formed and bonded so close to confirmation, it is still sad, in a particular way to understand the physiology behind it all, and possess reasonable answers about our most admired and treasured attribute as human beings: the ability to love.

 

I know this was long and is probably full of typo's but my hope is that this helps someone to begin grasping a reality-based understanding of human emotions that will not only help any recovery in progress, but will also give wisdom for any future relationships.

 

Take care.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Good post!

 

But hormones are only half the story...

[riobikini]

RR,

 

Hormones are only some of the story.

 

They are inducers, and promoters of romantic feelings, -not the total, end-of-story cause.

 

Individual background, personal experiences, genetic influences, mental illness, etc, can all be factors.

 

Point well-received.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[FWIW]

This is why sex before marriage COULD actually be a bad idea - it BONDS people together before they should be that close.

 

Discuss

[Just Visiting]

This is why sex before marriage COULD actually be a bad idea - it BONDS people together before they should be that close.

 

Discuss

 

Based on my personal experiences, I have to agree with you on this one.

[gordon_gc]

I like the idea of stating ' I have hormone problems" more than "I cannot accept my break up" !!!

 

Can anyone tell me where I can find drugs to compensate the lack of hormone produced !!! Actually, we should all be under medications after a break up with slowly reducing the dosage so we don't feel as much pain from a break up !!!!!!! I need some !

[Outcast]

You could save yourself a lot of typing by posting the link...

[riobikini]

Just copied and pasted & moved it here.

 

Felt it needed to be in another part of the forum.

 

Hope it helps someone.

 

-Rio