freelove Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 So, here is my story : I was dating a girl for 5 years. We decided to go our seperate ways as we both mutualy felt it was time to move on. She was a huge part of my life and I still regard her as a good friend. The break up was not too hard but considering she was a part of my life for 5 years, it definately took me longer than expected to get over her. Six months later I met this girl. She was so beautiful, inside and out and we hit it off immediately. She however told me that she is feeling really independent right now and just wants to take things slowly. We dated a little here and there and then things became alot more serious. I was enjoying myself and not giving my all because subconciously I was still recovering from the last relationship. Yet, I still treated my girlfriend like an absolute queen and gave her lots of love and attention even though I was not truly in love with her, but there was something about her where I could see real potential for us to be together for a long, long time, maybe even develop into marriage. Three months in, she confessed to me that she has fallen deeply in love with me and I have to say that took me completely off guard. I really was not expecting that. I told her that I cared for her very much, but I'm not really feeling the same for her. I told her that I'm not too sure where I am right now, but please have patience with me as I am slowly trying to guage where I am in our relationship. I told her to faith in us as I feel this connection with her and I really want to work at developing the relationship. As the months past things were amazing between us, we have such great chemistry, amazing sex and loved being with eachother. We hardly ever disagreed and just loved eachothers company. However, I was feeling in and out, in and out at times and I know she could sense that, but still gave me all her love. A year had past and I could feel that my feelings for her were growing stronger and stronger. I had told her I loved her, and I did, but now these feelings were overwhelming me and I was so happy that I was staring to find myself on the same page as her. Yet, unbeknownst to me, because she felt that I was not 100% in to it for the first year, she began to build an imaginary barrier up between her and myself. She began to pull back ever so slightly. It was weird, because I could still feel that love from her, but I think she was questioning more and more and feeling more insecure. 6 months passed and I was loving every minute of our relationship. We were doing such wonderful things, having so much fun and enjoying every minute of being together. Then all of a sudden, I could feel it from her, like out of the blue, that distance coming between us. Right away I called her on it. She said that she does not think she is in love with me anymore because she has been putting up this barrier for so long, thinking that there was no future between us, that now she is just freaked out and feels she wants to move on. She said that this feeling happened for her out of the blue and she cannot pin point why. I just cant believe it. I have fallen so deeply for this girl and I really thought we were on the right path, but instead of verbalising it to her, I myself held it in and I think that may also be the cause. Her parents also just recently went through a divorce and she has been going to a therapist. I know she has also been talking about us and I'm sure that has alot to do with it. I'm heartbroken at the moment...We had such a beautiful relationship with so much potential to have a wonderful future together! I have spoken to her about this and she's agreed for us to take it really slowly. SHe admited she is really confused at the moment. Going on a few dates here and there and see where things lead. However, right now I can feel it's just not the same. I don't feel that love from her anymore and it's freaking me out. I already feel like I've lost my best friend. And I don't wanna just give up on it because I really can see something so beautiful between us and I know she's seen it to. I just think our timing was so different and it hurts me that I could not be the person she wanted when she was ready for it. I have so much passion for this relationship that I really want to fight for it but I'm afraid I am doing the wrong thing and will maybe push her away from me. She is the one that said we should take a second chance and take it slowly again, but i'm scared she is just doing that out of pity for me. I've asked her and she said no, becasue she knows how great our relationship was. What should I do, should I pursue this course of taking things slow, starting over, or should I really just giver her her space and let her clear her mind and decide what she really, really wants? I know she knows we can have an amazing life together, she has told me many times before! I just need her to know that I believe in it to, because we can. Now, if only I can get this feeling in the bottom of my stomach to go away... Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Now, if only I can get this feeling in the bottom of my stomach to go away... It's probably the same feeling she had for you for a long time, a strong longing to be loved back and at the same time this nagging feeling of insecurity. She has proven herself to be quite patient with you and now that the roles are reversed you will have to give her her space and time, especially since is is going through a hard time now. She probably feels very exhausted after this long time of insecurity with you plus the divorce of her parents, it's no wonder she is wanting to back off a bit and only concentrating on her needs. Give her back the patience that she had offered you before. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 my advice for you, is the same as the person has given up above.... but out of curiosity , sorry to kind of change the subject...but it had been 6 months from your previous relationship, but when you were with this girl...did it feel awkward, since you weren't healed over your previous relationship...how did you heal so quickly...I meen its been 6 months for me, with NO contact...and i coulden't picture my self like having a relationship that felt real? Link to post Share on other sites
Author freelove Posted January 25, 2006 Author Share Posted January 25, 2006 Brittanyjean06 The girl I was dating for 5 years wanted to go travelling overseas six months prior to the "actual" break up. We decided to take the break while she was away. That helped a lot in those 6 months because it cut off most of the contact. When she came back 6 months later, I wanted to reunite, however she felt she had moved on. I accepted her wishes and that made it easier for us because we had already been apart for 6 months prior. So technically, we had been apart for a year. I was never totally over her when I started dating the new girl, but like I said, we both felt it was time to move on and that made it much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freelove Posted January 27, 2006 Author Share Posted January 27, 2006 So my ex says she wants to take things slowly with us, maybe restart, this is after a week of being apart. She said she would like to go for dinner this Tuesday...I really want her back right now, so I am seriously considering it. If I do go on this "fresh" date, im thinking I just need to play it cool, not get emotional and try to remind her through my actions why our relationship was so good in the first place. I also feel like I need to show her that no matter what she decides, I will support her 100% of the way. She was so patient with me through the relationship, I feel like I should be patient with her, yet at the same time show her how much love I have for her, without being to clingy or needy. I also know that things won't change overnight. Should I go with the flow and see what happens, or am I just setting myself up for more heartbreak. She IM'd me yesterday saying she is looking forward to our dinner, which made me feel good, or is she just sending mixed messages. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Extra Truth Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Freelove I am in a similar relationship with regard to timing, but I didn't treat her as well. I'm trying to strengthen myself for when I meet her again, so I'm curious to hear your results. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freelove Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 Extra Truth Things seem to be going ok. We went out for dinner last night and we had a great evening together. Kept the conversation light, had a good meal, some wine and just kept it cool. It's still pretty tough because I know it'll take some time before things are back on track. But I have faith and have acknowledged all my faults and I am working hard to not make the same mistakes again. I love her with all my heart and that's all I can show her for now. Good Luck with yours! Link to post Share on other sites
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