scruffles2121 Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 OK, here is my story. I broke up with ex about 2 months ago because I had a feeling he wasn't into me anymore. I lived with him for 6 months, with my daughter, and I felt as though we were strapping him down. (He is 23, I'm 29). I found out later that two days before I moved out he had sex with another woman. (This is before he knew I was moving out, although I think he had a feeling I was leaving). Prior to this incident he was faithful (8 months). Fast forward, we had very little contact over this time, even though we work for same company. (occasional text, no phone calls). Last weekend, out of the blue, he runs into my daughter (she's 9) at a mutual friends house. He plays with her all nite, then starts calling and texting me telling me how much he wants me back. I tell him NO! repeatedly, that I could try to be his friend but that basically he sh*t on me and was not worth a second chance. He hasn't given up, he brought me lunch to work (this is a first), he is saying all the right things, (he's sorry, I deserve to be treated well, etc. etc. I can trust him, wait and see, blah blah) My question, is it ever worth a second chance when someone did you wrong with the first one? I can easily walk away, and close the door to that chapter in my life. I am confident, and respect myself and others. I don't think a 23 year old can mature over a period of two months. But honestly, I don't know what the hell to do??!! I DO want to be with him, but I DON'T have to be, you know? Please give me some advice out there? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
filarena Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 I think what you really need to ask yourself is how you think you would handle the heartache if you took him back and it didn't work out a second time. There absolutely is a chance he actually does realize he messed up and things can still work between you. But you have to realize there's also a pretty good chance things won't. If you take him back, you are taking a risk. Perhaps one that will pay off, but you have to be prepared for the worst. If you think it would be too painful if things didn't work, then don't bother. Perhaps start really slow, maybe just friends for a little while. Link to post Share on other sites
JustMakeMeBelieve Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 I'ts true what they say: Once a cheater always a cheater. Take it from someone who knows and has had 13 years of it. Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Scruff - Although I don't agree with justmakemebelieve that 'once a cheater alwasy a cheater' I woudn't give him another chance if I were you. You may be different from me, but for me- once the trust is broken- it's gone and it will never ever come back the way it was even if I want it to. I also think that when you take back a cheater, you give them permission to cheat again and to disrepect you. That is probably what happened to justmakemebelieve- it's human nature to push your limits, if you act like a doormat, you'll be treated like one. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluideangel Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 So why is it that he is bringing you lunch and all this stuff now that you guys aren't together rather than when you were? If he is just doing these things to get you back maybe things wont change when you get back together. If you give him a second chance than he is getting the impression that he can do it again and you will come back to him. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 he's already shown his stripes.Dont take him back. Link to post Share on other sites
lilacmist Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 If I was in this situation and an ex had cheated on me, yet wanted me back, I'd make him work to get me back! No way would I just fall back into his arms, he'd have to prove to me that he really wanted to be with me and that he'd never cheat again, before I even considered an 'us' again. There is no guarantee that he will never cheat again, but in knowing he had to work really hard to get you back, may make him think twice about cheating on you again, if he truly loves you and wants to be with you, that is. Link to post Share on other sites
ve77 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I think your bigger problem is that you moved in with him after only months of dating. (I saw your other post where you talked about living/dating your ex for 7 months.) 1. It's too soon...especially since you have a daughter. Now not only have you lost someone but you've 1. let your daughter see you sharing your bed with a man after a short time 2. made your daughter go through a "break up" as well as she lived with him and formed a realtionship with him. As a mother it's no longer just you. I'm not saying never live with a guy when you have a child (though I never will as I don;t want my daughter growing up seeing Mommy having men move in and out) but at least do so after a while has passed (at LEAST A YEAR) and serious talks about the future have begun. Link to post Share on other sites
theantibarbie23 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 My question, is it ever worth a second chance when someone did you wrong with the first one? I can easily walk away, and close the door to that chapter in my life. I am confident, and respect myself and others. I don't think a 23 year old can mature over a period of two months. But honestly, I don't know what the hell to do??!! I DO want to be with him, but I DON'T have to be, you know? Please give me some advice out there? Thanks! The real question is, is he worth a second chance to you? Seriously though I would be sceptical of him. He not only cheated but quite early on in the relationship too. I mean, I know people whom didn't even leave the "honeymoon phase" of their relationship at eight months. If you really think this relationship can be salvaged, write down a list of rules you expect him to follow such as no contact with the other woman, that he has to be able to account for where he is at all times, ect. The one thing I would seriously demand in order to move forward would be therepy. He needs individual therepy to figure out the underlying reasons as to why he would stoop to such a destructive behavior. You have a young daughter. I can't understand why you would move in with a guy after dating for two months... let's face it, people are on their best behavior in the very beginning of a relationship so you aren't seeing them as they really are. I would really advocate getting to know someone for a long period of time before bringing them around your child. It's much better for her emotional well being in the long run. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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