More than a friend?

[Lindsay]

I have been friends with this guy for about a year. He is really sweet and funny. He sends me letters and cards for special holidays such as Christmas and signs them "Love, ..." but most people tell me that friends sign letters that way. He asks for pictures and such and he likes to punch me on the shoulder, sort of like the immature way of a guy saying "I like you" (i.e. pulling a girls hair) I'm wondering if he likes me more than a friend. Yet, he talks about all of his exs a lot which kind of gets irritating. My friends say it's an ego thing and that he's immature. But I don't know. I am scared to ask him straight out because he's the type that gets scared away by questions such as these. Especially considering his past relationships (he was dumped on Christmas Eve by his girlfriend of 4 years). How can I bring it up in a non-threatning way? Should I take it really slow before I bring it up?

[odyne]

It sounds like he has been in a relationship for a long time. He may not be ready for another. I've seen many similar questions that were brought to the forum, so you may want to glance back a few weeks in the main index. Most people have given advice like "ask him who he likes, and if he won't tell you or skips around an answer, maybe it's you!". I would go slow, like you said. You didn't really say anything about liking him yourself, just that you wanted to know if he liked you. As long as your feelings aren't strong enough to drive you crazy by not telling him, become more aware when you are around him. "Test the waters". Drop little signs if you think the big question will frighten him. Do you guys hug? Maybe try kissing him on the cheek goodbye sometime. See how he reacts. But most of all, make sure you preserve your friendship if that is the most important thing about him to you. You know what I mean? If you end up thinking that you can't live without him as a boyfriend, then the relationship part of your dynamic becomes more important than just friends. You may want to ask him other questions, like if he is tired of relationships in general, or why he talks about his ex so much. Bottom line, take it slow and be extra-aware about his words and actions. Don't necessarily jump to conclusions, just take it all in and try to make up your mind about if he will be able to take you telling him or if he'll run scared. Bonne chance.

 

-Odyne

[Julie]

This is totally my life right now. I hope I can help.

 

I don't know how old you are, or your friend, but I am in my late twenties and can relate completely. My "friend" talked about his ex constantly in the beginning, although he has cooled off lately. He also annoyed me with his stories of past flings. It is important to speak your mind early if his stories bug you, or else he will keep doing it. Guys are oblivious sometimes about what they are saying until you tell them.

 

There are a lot of things to consider here. Have you kissed him? Do you hold hands? Does he know your friends and family? Do you know his? Does he treat you differently in front of others? Have you slept with him? Has the relationship progressed at all?

 

Think hard about these questions. If he has not made some sort of progress towards a committed relationship and is still acting like a buddy, then he probably just wants to be friends. A year is a long time to put up with no answers.

 

As difficult as it may be, ask him, in a neutral setting (dinner, coffee, walk in the park) what he wants from your company. Tell him you like him, if that is what you feel. If he is truely your friend or more, he will respect your directness. If he gets uncomfortable or angry at you, then he wasn't really a friend. A real friend or lover respects you and wants to make you happy.

 

Sometimes when we like someone we put up with their crap, and see them in a better light than they deserve. Make sure you know what you want before you confront him. Good luck.

[Dee]

I have been friends with this guy for about a year. He is really sweet and funny. He sends me letters and cards for special holidays such as Christmas and signs them "Love, ..." but most people tell me that friends sign letters that way. He asks for pictures and such and he likes to punch me on the shoulder, sort of like the immature way of a guy saying "I like you" (i.e. pulling a girls hair) I'm wondering if he likes me more than a friend. Yet, he talks about all of his exs a lot which kind of gets irritating. My friends say it's an ego thing and that he's immature. But I don't know. I am scared to ask him straight out because he's the type that gets scared away by questions such as these. Especially considering his past relationships (he was dumped on Christmas Eve by his girlfriend of 4 years). How can I bring it up in a non-threatning way? Should I take it really slow before I bring it up?

 

I don't know what to tell you about brining it up to

 

him that you like him.But I can tell you this if he is

 

still talking a lot about his ex's then he is still hung

 

up on them.And he may not be looking for a serious real-

 

ationship at this time because of that reason.It sounds

 

like he likes you but you won't know that until you ask

 

him.Right?Well good luck.

[kate]

Sometimes when we like someone we put up

with their crap, and see them in a better light than they deserve. Make sure you know what you want before you confront him. Good luck.

Wow, thanks for your response Julie, i too am right there now, and am just coming to the realizations that it's NOT going anywhere, and more importantly, it's NOT what I want!

 

-kate