Anyone Been There?

[cb34778]

I posted this on another board. I wanted to know if anyone else experienced this?

 

I really need to vent & I do not want to mention this to my family right now. I cannot wait for this marriage to be over! I cannot believe I allowed myself to get involved with someone like “Ex to be” for so long. A huge waste of time! I have never been truly happy with “Ex to be”. I feel as though I settled for less. He has nothing to offer me & cannot work to build anything with me. We all have flaws but he has way too many.

 

We have been together for almost 6 yrs & married for 1 ½ yrs. “Ex to be” has been previously married twice (both lasting 1-2 yrs). He is 9 yrs older (38) than me. This is my 1st marriage & I do not have any kids. He has two kids & one he says is not his. Their ages range from 10-15. His first wife had his 1st son & cheated on him. He claims that the 2nd is not his but in this state it is yours if conceived during the marriage. This 2nd child has major health problems & the 1st son has mental probs. “Ex to be” provides health insurance for all. He gets many medical bills & his state tax refund is always taken because of that. He just throws the bills away.

 

Second wife was a mail order bride. He has a son with her. He has not seen the son in yrs but recently saw him again. He should have done that yrs ago!

 

“Ex to be” filed bankruptcy yrs before we met. He currently pays about $1000 per month in child support.

 

I need help getting a car & he cannot even do that! I have to start searching for a job & he cannot help at all. What good is he for me?! I am trying to establish a stable career & he cannot help one bit! He pays out too much money & cannot afford it. What a mess!

 

I do talk about being with other men often. He always mentions that in arguments. We have not slept in the same bed for months. This started because I go to bed late. We never spend anytime together. He used to play video games all night. He gets two weekends off each month. He son comes on his off weekends so we never spend anytime together during that time. I would only get a weekend if he took vacation days.

 

We have called the marriage off many times but this has done it for me. I am so tired of this mess! He is a loser! I told him that this would be the easiest divorce because he does not have to pay me any support. He gets very angry. Why is he angry?! I am the one who suffers! I hate that I have to wait 1 yr to get a divorce! He also says he will not sign the divorce papers when the time comes. I will never again date or marry a man with kids & this much baggage. We had arguments this week & last week. I told him I wanted to separate.

 

I found out his son is coming again this month & I told him to get out. I am tired of being deprived & deserve better. I am not trying to keep him from seeing his kids. He will have to move in with his family & he can do that there. He can move back in when I am gone. He has packed some things. I am packing some of his things for him as a surprise. I hate him & his situation. He would be a good man if he did not have all that baggage.

[redscorpionsc]

CB34778,

Where do I begin, first of all take responsibilities for your actions. You knew it was a bad idea to marry this man, before hand. Now that you made this mistake, lets fix it the mature way. I know you are hurt and angry for imature way he handles his finaces. You have every right to be. When you get married you are not suppose to be suffering and strugling like you are doing, you can do bad all by yourself. You didn't need him for that. His first priority should have been to you. The only free time he had he spent with the kids, yes that's unfair to you, but you knew about the two exwives and kids before hand. You also had six years to see all of this behavior before you got married. My point is, there is no need to continue to start fights with him and throw him out. There is no need to talk about other men or anything else that will start up a fight. You know you are in a bad situation, don't wait for him to leave, you leave the house. Sometimes it's just best to walk away. You are wrong when you said he would be a good man if he wouldn't have all of this baggage. If you meet this same man before he created all of this baggage you would wife number one instead of wife number three. He is illresponsilbe, disrespectful, and a step away from being homeless if he don't get his money in order. You've made your mistake, now learn from it and move on and don't look back. Don't be mean about anything it's not necessary. Prove that you deserve better, be a better woman!! And handle yourself the same way. Don't disrespect yourself like that. Whatever it costs you to get out, spend it!!! Your peace and self happiness is well worth it. And don't jump into a relationship right away, take time to enjoy being you and exploring your options in life. I believe you are worth it.

 

redscorpionsc