Still Lost

[brkhrt]

Well my story goes like this my boyfriend of a year and a half cheated on me and lied about it. He calls everyday wanting me back and wants a second chance. I've asked him over and over why he did in the first place and his only response is that he was drunk. He said it's nothing to do with me or our relationship. He says our relationship is great. Although I wish there were something that would change. What do I do? Do I give him the second chance? Or blow him off? He says he would never do it again because he knows what he almost lost. Do I believe it. He has a problem with lieing and telling stories. Sometimes he will tell me the truth and I freak out about things and I dont mean to but now he says he's scared to tell me things because he knows I will get mad and fly off the handle. Which as long as it's not something dumb then I am fine with it! Please help me out give me any input you might have!!

[CaliGuy]

Well my story goes like this my boyfriend of a year and a half cheated on me and lied about it.

 

He says he would never do it again because he knows what he almost lost.

 

He has a problem with lieing and telling stories.

 

Do I give him the second chance?

 

Past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. Given he has a problem with lying, and you will have a problem trusting him, I would say NO unless you're a glutton for punishment.

 

Once a cheater always a cheater, IMHO.

[slubberdegullion]

Two issues here:

• His infidelity;
  
• Your lack of control.

The first part is a simple infidelity, which is something that couples deal with all the time. Maybe you'll stay together, maybe you won't, I don't know, but if I were a betting man I'd make it 5-2 that you'll split.

 

But the bigger issue, IMHO, is your lack of control over yourself.

 

He now knows that when he tells you the painful truth, you'll get all bent out of shape. So what's the use of being truthful to you?

 

There's probably not much you can do to change him, but you can certainly change yourself. If you want to have truthful people around you, then you'll have to change your reactions.

 

And don't fall into this "expressing my feelings" stuff. That's just a mask for "I can do whatever I want regardless of the feelings of people around me" myopia.

 

So get a grip on your temper first. You will be glad you did. This I can promise you.

[Suburbanlife03]

It's like this:

I believe that you're not making it safe for him to tell you the truth. You shouldn't fly off the handle everytime he tells you the truth, because in his mind that means he has to avoid the truth to avoid you flying off the handle. This is probably why he lies and makes up stories.

As far as the cheating goes, that could be one of two things. The first thing is that he really was drunk and sometimes when women come onto a guy, especially when he's drunk, things happen. There should be punishment for it and you should let him know that drunkeness is no excuse.

The second thing is, that there is a possibility that he could do this again. It's real simple, don't get drunk around other women if you can't control yourself, should he make the mistake again, I would never give him another chance. It's up to you whether or not you are prepared to go through that again.

[dprelz]

If he is really sincere and truly wants to get back together then tell him to meet your demands. No sex for x amount of months, blah blah, whatever you can come up with to show he is sincere. He could just be saying all this to get you back and once he's banged you again he could leave.

 

P.S. As a guy, the excuse 'I was drunk' is the worst thing I've ever heard. That's not even a remotely good enough excuse. He knew exactly what he was doing and he did it anyway.

[Wedge]

"Once a cheater always cheater" is not true at all. Never ever listen to this advice which is so absolute. Nothing is black and white. I can prove from my own experience that cheaters can change. I used to act like a playboy and i dated many girls at once. When they all found out and broke it off, i managed to reconcile with one of them and we dated for many many years. I never cheated again, and was the most loyal boyfriend any girl could have. So keep your mind open with that piece of common advice.

[CaliGuy]

"Once a cheater always cheater" is not true at all. Never ever listen to this advice which is so absolute. Nothing is black and white. I can prove from my own experience that cheaters can change. I used to act like a playboy and i dated many girls at once. When they all found out and broke it off, i managed to reconcile with one of them and we dated for many many years. I never cheated again, and was the most loyal boyfriend any girl could have. So keep your mind open with that piece of common advice.

 

The context in which it was said was meant in the CURRENT relationship. If you are with someone who cheated on you and you get back together with them, not only is there a trust issue, but chances are they will cheat again.

 

Don't believe me? Go look at the Infidelity forum. It's much more prevalent than you know.

 

I believe you are the exception, not the rule.

[StArGaZeR]

Once a cheater always a cheater, IMHO.

 

Let me just tell you that this is NOT the case with me. I was exclusively dating a girl when I cheated on her and I have endured months of suffering because of it. There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret or forget about what I did and the fact that I would never ever disrespect a woman like that ever again in my life!

[gfto]

Caliguy is right. He cheated on you once...he'll cheat on you again. Say goodbye to him.