amazing727 Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Before it was just a crush, but I finally realized I was only fooling myself. I have fallen for my friend. My ENGAGED friend. It is so hard to hold back, but I have to respect him and his s/o. It's just weird though because sometimes I think he has a thing for me.. (he always asks me to lunch, when we're in a group of friends he is always closest to me.. paying most attention to what I say, sometimes I catch him staring) it's very subtle, and maybe I'm reading into it too much, but it's just a hunch that I have. Somebody please just shoot me to rid me of this misery. Link to post Share on other sites
Mydish1 Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 you are his friend and you should respect him. However it would also be wrong to hide the truth from him. if you can live with the idea of being friends with him after he's married, then put this aside and support him. if you cant live with the fact of staying 'just friends' with him, while having those feelings....then tell him. dont make it a guilt trip for yourself by telling someone how you feel, there's no wrong in that. it would only be wrong to tell him to leave her for you. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Tell him or you will always regret it. The worst that will happen is you get a knockback and realise he is not for you. At best he'll say he's terrified of getting married, thinks it's a big mistake etc, and had a thing for you all along! Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I believe in Mental_Traveller and MyDish1's advice. If you don't try, it is 100% no, if you try it might be good. You have to make peace with yourself and make a decision to go or no go. The key is follow thru. Link to post Share on other sites
daxy_dax Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Sorry to be the killjoy here. But even if you had something more than "very subtle" to go on [and nothing personal, but that sounds an awful lot like wishful thinking], I firmly believe you should *not* say anything. Would anyone be debating this if he was already married to this woman? You could say that it makes a difference that he's only declared an intention to marry her - without having actually done so yet. But I wouldn't. If I were that guy, while I might be flattered by your feelings, I would seriously question your concern for my happiness if you threw this disruptive announcement into the middle of my deep commitment to this other woman. If you're really his friend, do the difficult thing now for his sake. Hold your peace and wish him well with the happiness he believes he's found. Link to post Share on other sites
Toronto Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Tell him. It might just feel better to clear the air. Maybe you'll even be able to laugh about it, but I agree that if you don't say something you'll regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Ever see my bestfriend's wedding?? the one with Julia Roberts... I don't know. It could backfire. He could take it as you are trying to woo him away from her, confess and hope that he falls into your arms. And he could balk and end the friendship instantly. Just be prepared for the negatives on this if you tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Toronto Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Ya, definitely depends on how you tell him and what the tone is. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Also...What is the real intent here. What good will come of this by telling him. Is it so you can just let him know that you are falling for him (fallen for him) so he'll choose you? Or is it, wow, your fiancee is a lucky woman! And just leave it at that? Just not sure what good could come of it. Could kill any nice and caring platonic feelings he has for you. Just think, if you were getting married, and one of your men friends had feelings for you and you were happy about getting married...But maybe thought this guy had a crush on you...Would you want him to pour out his heart to you? Would you be upset? Happy? Pissed off? Also, consider his future brides' feelings too. I mean, there is also a chance he'll mention your confession to her too. Next stage is, she won't want you anywhere near them after they get married. The more I think about it, the more my gut is saying you should keep this one quiet. If he really did have deep feelings for you - He would have acted upon them in the past, or not asked his girlfriend to marry him. This is all up to you at the end of the day. Just be sure of the real reasons why you are telling him how you feel. And again, be prepared for any reaction. Good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
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