mixed messages.....

[lost1]

Hi to all;

 

Im hoping by writing this I can make some sense of what the hell i was thinking?.......

 

Anyway, the short of it is this: I recently split w/my man of 3.5 years, my choice. For many reasons.

 

The problem is that he has recently informed me that he has gotten another woman pregnant, and she is keeping it!!

 

Why he felt he had to share this is beyond me?!....I was shocked by my reaction, which was to bawl my eyes out, and feel incredibly ill, of which even thinking about it now causes this reaction. I am very much at a loss, am I nuts?!, I cut him loose......why am I all bent out of shape over it.......any opinions/input would be nice.

 

Tks

[Miss Mojo]

hi lost1,

 

i'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you. why are you all bent out of shape, you ask??? because you spent 3.5 years with a guy who has gone and got another woman pregnant! the answer to this question is clear in your post. as you say, you are shocked, upset, and feel sick, all of which are very understandable and normal reactions given the circumstances. he has shown himself to be someone you didn't think he was. when something like that happens, it is one hell of a shock to our system.

 

i can't really say why he told you, because i'm not a mind-reader. i can only guess and my guesses would be as follows:-

 

a) he felt you had a right to know what an arseho!e he is and that you don't deserve him;

 

b) he felt it would take some of the weight off his shoulders i.e. he was thinking of himself, more than you...wanted to alleviate his own guilt to make himself feel better;

 

c) knew that you would find out sooner or later, so he's telling you now.

 

personally, i feel he has done a great thing by telling you. you are now free of someone who doesn't know the meaning of the words "loyalty", "faithfulness" and "respect". he has set you free to find a guy who oozes these qualities.

 

i think to cut him lose was the best thing you could have possibly done. you're not nuts at all....you'd be nuts to take him back. this is a guy who obviously didn't use any protection with another girl, while he was still dating you. what a s*** of a boyfriend. he is obvioulsy not someone you can trust, and is obviously not concerned about safe sex. don't ever have anything to do with him again.

 

i have a friend from high-school was once in the exact same situation as you. her boyfriend, who she moved out of home with and was planning to get engaged to, had unprotected sex with another girl, who lo and behold got this other girl a muffin in the uffin. she kept the baby, and my friend told him to get out of her life. even though it took a while for her to get over the shock of someone she thought she could trust betraying her by getting another woman pregnant, telling him to make tracks was the best thing she ever did.

 

deal with this as with any other relationship that has broken down....by being kind to yourself, not looking at what happened as a reflection on you, knowing that oneday you will thank him for being an ass when you meet a truly amazing guy, and by spending time with your family and friends and accepting that it has happened and now you can move on.

 

best wishes

[lost1]

Tks Miss Mojo.......very insightful. I guess sometimes we cant see the forest for the trees.......appreciate the post

hi lost1, i'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you. why are you all bent out of shape, you ask??? because you spent 3.5 years with a guy who has gone and got another woman pregnant! the answer to this question is clear in your post. as you say, you are shocked, upset, and feel sick, all of which are very understandable and normal reactions given the circumstances. he has shown himself to be someone you didn't think he was. when something like that happens, it is one hell of a shock to our system. i can't really say why he told you, because i'm not a mind-reader. i can only guess and my guesses would be as follows:- a) he felt you had a right to know what an arseho!e he is and that you don't deserve him;

 

b) he felt it would take some of the weight off his shoulders i.e. he was thinking of himself, more than you...wanted to alleviate his own guilt to make himself feel better; c) knew that you would find out sooner or later, so he's telling you now. personally, i feel he has done a great thing by telling you. you are now free of someone who doesn't know the meaning of the words "loyalty", "faithfulness" and "respect". he has set you free to find a guy who oozes these qualities. i think to cut him lose was the best thing you could have possibly done. you're not nuts at all....you'd be nuts to take him back. this is a guy who obviously didn't use any protection with another girl, while he was still dating you. what a s*** of a boyfriend. he is obvioulsy not someone you can trust, and is obviously not concerned about safe sex. don't ever have anything to do with him again. i have a friend from high-school was once in the exact same situation as you. her boyfriend, who she moved out of home with and was planning to get engaged to, had unprotected sex with another girl, who lo and behold got this other girl a muffin in the uffin. she kept the baby, and my friend told him to get out of her life. even though it took a while for her to get over the shock of someone she thought she could trust betraying her by getting another woman pregnant, telling him to make tracks was the best thing she ever did. deal with this as with any other relationship that has broken down....by being kind to yourself, not looking at what happened as a reflection on you, knowing that oneday you will thank him for being an ass when you meet a truly amazing guy, and by spending time with your family and friends and accepting that it has happened and now you can move on. best wishes