About to have a complete and utter meltdown...

[too unreal]

There is this woman at my work that is really really driving me crazy…

 

I don’t know how to handle her. She is the type of person that makes everything (I mean everything) sound like you are somehow lying to her. It doesn’t matter if you told her the trash container was full and so you put the bag on the side of the container….she comes back with “huh…I thought they emptied the trash on Wednesdays, that’s really strange” but in a “I know you are lying to me voice” …also, she is slowly driving me mad by checking every thing I do in the day, making sure everything got complete.

Then it is a series of “why did you do this” or “why was it done in that way” in a real confused voice (as if she didn’t tell me to do it that way). And the ever having to re-explain things in every minute (minoot) detail when its not even of concern to her.

And right now, the “Are you working? You are awfully quiet over there” as if I am a little kid that is up to no good……

 

How to cope?

[Moose]

Is she your boss?

 

I'm not talking about being in a higher position than you, is she directly responsible for your work?

[too unreal]

moose- yeah, but so?? that doesnt mean she can "boss" me around ...ha ha..

 

No, she's not my boss, there is only 4 of us in the office here, and no one is anyones boss but she has been here longer and is way older than me, in fact, they are all older than me, I am 29. I am, in no way a child.

[Moose]

In that case, I'd just tell her to worry about her work, and let you worry about yours.

 

You appreciate her feedback, but the constant checking up, and critizing is affecting your performance, and you'd appreciate it if she stops.

[Becoming]

Yeah, these folks'll drive you absolutely nuts. But it's just them needing to control everything. It's really not about you.

 

So let it slide. When someone bugs the snot outta me, I use it as an opportunity to get in touch with what's really going on with me: why does this bug me so much? Does it remind me of my critical mother whom I've like to slap into next week for some of the things she said to me in the past? Am I afraid I'm not up to doing this job anyway and this person is reinforcing that belief instead of encouraging and supporting me? etc.

 

Once I get in touch with why I'm reacting so strongly to something the other is doing, I can work on that issue and handle the current one from a more rational, rather than knee-jerk, response.

 

Is there any way you can tell her how her actions make you feel honestly and vulnerably?

[too unreal]

She just nitpicks and stands over me in a lording manner that makes me want to peel my own skin off, and layer by layer too…and when I am in the back, she constantly finds excuses to go back there to see if she can sniff out any wrong doing….

 

I don’t think asking her nicely to stop pestering me is going to work. Even the owners know about her but are reluctant to say anything because “she means well”….

[magda]

Ugh, that sounds absolutely intolerable. "Are you working? I'ts awfully quiet over there!" Ugh!

 

Short of quitting, you should consider talking back a little. "Is there any particular reason you don't trust me?" "I'd appreciate it if you didn't treat me like a child." Maybe she doesn't realize the way she is coming off.

[Moose]

She may, "mean well", but you should be able to feel comfortable in the workplace. Otherwise, it jeapordizes your ability to perform, and the bosses aren't getting what they paid for.

 

Seriously, you don't need this, and you should be able to put a stop to it.

[SmoochieFace]

CONTROL FREAK... I've got one of those sitting behind me.

 

She used to be my *boss* until I *exposed* her... hahahahaha.

[JayKay]

Definitely a control freak.

 

I don't know...maybe some humour to lighten up the situation?

 

If she asks "Are you working back there?"

 

You could answer, "No, I'm doing my nails."

 

 

Or "No, I'm drinking martinis"

 

Maybe she'd actually laugh and lighten up.

 

Or maybe she'd get embarressed enough to quit it.

[chryssy83]

I think that it depends on your personality in terms of what you can get away with.

 

1. Ignoring it. Tell her the next time that it drives you crazy when she questions your work. Remind her that you are a really open person, and if she has any legitimate concerns she can always bring them to you, but if she does this half criticism/half joke thing you don't understand when she means. Then ignore her every time she does it. Like a child.

 

2. The saracasm. I love this idea. If she says "oh, I thought that the trash was picked up on Wednesday," make up some fabulous story about why it wasn't. Something about aliens or an FBI raid on the trash company for some crazy reason. She'll get the point.

 

3. Let her do it. When she says: Are you working over there? Say no, I'm not sure what I'm doing here...then hand all your suckiest projects over to her. Eventually, she'll be your assistant. MU-HA-HA-HA!!

[too unreal]

I am about to bust open with anger.....

 

Of course I got into it with her....you all know it was bound to happen...

 

Situation arose where I was asked by a client to contact one of our people and inform him of a problem. The prob is, this person in our company is so busy that we try not to bother him with nonsensical crap. which i dont. This was something I pretty much had to pass on to him because if I didnt, the client would be calling me at all hours, every hour the whole weekend, (i have the after hours phone)

 

 

not only that, it would of come back to bite me in the face.

 

But this woman literally attacks me. She says "i thought I told you not to bother him with that kind of stuff? he has enough on his plate...blah blah blah

First of all, she was going from an OVERHEARD conversation between me and other person

 

And I got rude and told her that i was going to do it anyway because i was covering my own butt...

 

she just kept on and on...

 

let me explain her personality:

 

"why did you do that?I thought i told you to do this? why didnt you do that? I dont understand why you didnt do that. you are supposed to do that and you didnt i dont understand why you didnt"

 

ALL IN ONE BREATH Without pausing to hear what I have to say about it.

 

also, blaming something on me that i had NO CONTROL over at all and then telling me i should of done it this way even when I HAD NOTHING AT ALL to do with it in the first place......and even if you present proof that you had NOTHING at all to do with the situation (as in, you werent even present during this situation to begin with, had nothing at all to do with you, you have no idea what they are talking about for real)

SHE STILL blames you!!!!

 

WTF?????????????????????/

I am about to spin towards a downward spiral of madness.......

[Becoming]

Handle it with humor. Come up with something new each day:

 

Aliens made you do it. You didn't really want to.

 

According to ancient medicine, your wandering uterus made you do it.

 

Elvis' ghost speaks to you, and you just love Elvis.

 

You were hired by the FBI to watch her every move.

 

 

 

Get creative. Confuse her and get control.

[Mz. Pixie]

Handle it with humor. Come up with something new each day:

 

Aliens made you do it. You didn't really want to.

 

According to ancient medicine, your wandering uterus made you do it.

 

Elvis' ghost speaks to you, and you just love Elvis.

 

You were hired by the FBI to watch her every move.

 

 

 

Get creative. Confuse her and get control.

 

Becoming is right. This will make you laugh and probably everyone who overhears it as well.

 

I was the boss in my old department. Then I took another job in a different department for the same pay, but I downsized my responsibilty. The girl that sits over by me is the same exact way, but this is how I handled her. True, I've been here as long as she has, so I'm not the low man on the totem pole.

 

One day she blew up at me and some co workers and I later sent her an e mail and told her it was unprofessional and that I would have never addressed one of my teammembers in that fashion. She immediately apologized.

 

Now I say things to get her goat. She will ask like 1,000 details about something to get every details. It irritates the piss out of everyone in the department. Yesterday she gave an entire blow by blow of some crime show to the person on the other side of the cube and I was like, outloud, "It's amazing to me that you can recall that episode with that much clarity- exactly what type of clothing were the two main characters wearing?" Everyone that had overheard her broke out into huge streams of laughter.

[too unreal]

I like the alien and FBI comments, I think I will try that next time...thing is, when she is not doing the whole hen squawk routine she can be bearable at times....

 

You guys think i am kidding when I said she says:

 

"why did you do that?I thought i told you to do this? why didnt you do that? I dont understand why you didnt do that. you are supposed to do that and you didnt i dont understand why you didnt"

 

She says it JUST LIKE THAT. WITHOUT STOPPING FOR AIR. EXACTLY LIKE THAT. It takes a minute for her to finish her tirade so i can respond and if she doesnt like my response she actually repeats the SAME EXACT THING over again!!

 

Who does that?? Is she mental??

 

And she always gives me that baffled look whenever i ask her anything. Maybe i should develop a tic...it might repulse her but at the same time it might give her something new to talk about and it could make for fasicnating gossip to go along with aliens and fbi...thanks guys!!