Really, REALLY Need Advice: Online Boyfriend Again

[Mandi]

I came here before about this guy that i met online- Tony, I already know how u feel about the situation so don't even bother responding. Anyway, things are really great between us, and he decided to visit me over Labor Day weekend. The thing is, I'm kind of nervous. The friends that I have discussed this with are not even talking to me because they think I am making the hugest mistake of my life- my best friend in the world hates me right now. But I want to see him- I think this could work out and be okay. I just need some advice about what to expect and what to do about this.

 

Thanx!

[Miss Mojo]

hi mandi,

 

just make sure you have an open mind about things. if you're going to expect anything, then expect that this may or may not work out. that's only logical.

 

don't get too excited about things working out. if you wait for something to happen with expectations of that event, if things don't go as great as you hoped they would, then you will feel like utter crap for getting your hopes up.

 

you probably won't want my advice either, after what i'm about to say, but how many times have you heard people say that those with an objective point of view are usually right? i think your friends have a very valid point, although i think they are being very immature by not talking to you. friends can 9 times out of 10 see things that are there, that we ourselves cannot. our friends sometimes even see things in our personalities that we are not aware of. when friends get mighty uptight about things like this, it's usually because they have your best interests at heart and they don't want to see you get hurt.

 

i wouldn't say you are making the biggest mistake of your life, but i wouldn't be the least bit surprised to see you back here sometime telling us that things didn't work out with this guy. your friends obviously have a very good reason for being unhappy with this situation, but they cannot dictate your life.

 

all you can do is wait and see what happens. if things don't work out, then i hope you learn from it. if things do work out, then good for you.

 

best wishes

[Daisy]

Hi Mandi,

 

I replied to your last post and told you about how I used to be in your situation as well. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now after we first met in a chat room.

 

I wanted to let you know that it's normal to be nervous. I was really nervous the first time my guy came to visit me as well. But be safe about the whole thing. I took one of my friends along with me to meet him when he first got into town. That helped me feel safe for one, but it was also an ice breaker, and it helped me feel less nervous. Try talking to one of your friends and see if one of them will come with you. If any of them are actually your friends, they should realize that you need their help. Let them know that you'd appreciate their company both for nerves and safety in numbers.

 

As for what to expect, I really can't help you there. Every situation is different. I don't think it'd be best to expect everything is going to be wonderful. Just keep an open mind. I don't think I even had any expectations at all when my boyfriend came for his first visit...I was just hoping I would stop being nervous. Which I did, once he gave me my first hug. After that, I was smitten for good. Oh, and I did make a list of activities for us to do while he was here...movies, bowling, water skiing, siteseeing, etc...just to make sure we didn't get bored.

 

If things don't work out, then they don't. If he shows up, and you don't feel comfortable around him, then make sure your friends can back you up. After all, that's what friends are for.

 

If you have any other questions, then just let me know. I'm here to help.

[BeenThere]

Mandy, think I remember your post...but not sure. Is this the same "best friend" who put the two of you together in the first place...the one who told you she had already met him and he was a nice guy?

 

Sorry about the memory...guess its just my age...or too many LS posts!

 

Anyway, I agree with the previous reply. DON'T go alone your first time...and don't welcome this stranger into your home. Meet him somewhere "safe" during the day where there are lots of other people around. DO you have at least one friend who is mature and understanding enough to go along with you? Do you have a photo, address and/or current info on this guy that you could leave with someone? NOT that I believe in thinking the worst...just know its better to be prepared. (Crap...now I sound like a mom)

 

What to expect?...Well, the best advice would be to go into this without any expectations at all. At least with that additude you won't be disappointed. I'm sure he's not as wonderful as the image you have created in your mind, but it doesn't mean he's going to be Freddi Kruger either. I think its a safe bet to say he'll fall somewhere in between.

 

The important thing is to cover your "ayas." Be safe, safe, safe! No such thing as paranoia...Just "hightened awareness!" You can never be "TOO" careful.

 

Good luck and I hope it works out well. And for God's Sake, let someone know what you're doing and where you're going...And PLEASE keep us posted!

I came here before about this guy that i met online- Tony, I already know how u feel about the situation so don't even bother responding. Anyway, things are really great between us, and he decided to visit me over Labor Day weekend. The thing is, I'm kind of nervous. The friends that I have discussed this with are not even talking to me because they think I am making the hugest mistake of my life- my best friend in the world hates me right now. But I want to see him- I think this could work out and be okay. I just need some advice about what to expect and what to do about this. Thanx!