CStewart Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Hello kind and loving people!!!! this is my situation....I'v been with this girl for about a month now....and I think its going somewhere cause we connect so well ....so the other night we decided to go to a club with a couple of friends ...so we did it was awesome till......a guy that I hate very much (old high school rivals) came to say hello to my gf cause they know eachother from the past...(she knew I didn't like him before this happend)...anyways...he gave her a hug (witch was ok) but then they kissed on the lips (witch is not ok!!)...I was going to rip his head off!!! but I let my gf pull me away cause I respect her more then that...then she ran off,I followed her till we stoped to talk so I confronted her on why she would do such a thing... and she was pissed off at her self for doing it? strange?......and she didnt know why she did it.....but she was really really drunk that night i never saw her act this way....the next morning she told me she she didn't know why she did it and she was sorry and she could hardly remember....so should i be worried? cause its been like 2 days and i'm keeping my feelings on the DL about this and i would like you guys opinion.. so thx in advance if you can help me ps...I'm 22 & shes 21 years old Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 You've been going out a month so it's likely that you don't have much history to fall back on in regards to this behaviour. ....so should i be worried? I would be. She kissed this guy in front of you. One of the things I would be worried about is what she gets up to when she's out drinking and you're not around. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Kissed him how? A peck on the lips with them tightly shut or was their tongue action? They way you described it sounds like the former. I kiss some of my friends like that when I see them. It means nothing to me, but an affectionate way to say hello like you would to a family member. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 ....so should i be worried? I would be. She kissed this guy in front of you. Are you kidding? yes, you should be worried. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CStewart Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 Kissed him how? A peck on the lips with them tightly shut or was their tongue action? They way you described it sounds like the former. I kiss some of my friends like that when I see them. It means nothing to me, but an affectionate way to say hello like you would to a family member. no there was no tongue.......but she was really upset that night cause of it....but i'm going to talk to her tomorow c what she wants.....Hope for the best I guess....it was just really weird Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Kissed him how? A peck on the lips with them tightly shut or was their tongue action? That's a good question. I assumed the it was passionate and/or inappropriate, otherwise you wouldn't be posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CStewart Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 That's a good question. I assumed the it was passionate and/or inappropriate, otherwise you wouldn't be posting. So yeah i'm going to c her later on tonight......so what should I say i'm a pretty open kinda guy......and i don't want to break it off with her cause i don't know her side.....and she wants me to meet her parents tonight so thats a good sign right???.......i can forgive her but its going to be hard to trust her for a while i think!?.......what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Break up with her. Don't buy her excuses, her BS, her rationalizations, or her justifications. You owe it to yourself to break up with this girl. I can see a few scenarios that may be playing here: 1. She testing you to see how much she can control the relationship or manipulate you. She kisses him because she wants to test your reaction and see if she can extend her boundaries. If you accept any excuse, she will not respect you at all. She may enjoy your company and your validation... but she will hold zero respect for you. 2. She doesn't care much for your relationship, and was really hoping this other guy wanted to persue her. Sure, she may have regretted it.... but you cannot ignore what was in her mind at the time it happened. She doesn't value you... so you're better off finding someone who does. She'll never treat you right because you are second rate. 3. She was drunk and got swept away in the moment. Some people consider this a decent excuse. I say "in vino veritas". I've seen plenty of girls in relationships get absurdly drunk... but still don't kiss any other guys. As people have said before... what would've happened if you weren't around? In addition, it's obvious she needed some sort of validation from kissing this guy (which is a terrible decision.. because it degrades her in both you and the other guys mind). She's not fulfilled in your relationship (well...probably because she's 21 and it'd be tough to be fulfilled in any relationship at that age). I could go on... but because it was someone who she KNOWS you hate... I'd guess it's #1. Just remember when you are trying to figure this out... YOU have been wronged. Many people when caught in those situations try to flip it. (i.e. "I kissed him because you don't love me enough. You don't give me any independence. You smother me. You're never around. etc etc") Pay attention to her reaction. It's a cold interpretation, but your relationship is a power struggle. It will be until you both realize that it's serious and both want more. As long as it's a power struggle, acknowledge your emotions... but NEVER let them fully dictate your decisions. Don't let them cloud your judgement in this case either. It's up to you... but I've seen this situation too many times. It never really turns out good for either person. I'd say end it. You're young and are probably better off not dealing with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CStewart Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 Break up with her. Don't buy her excuses, her BS, her rationalizations, or her justifications. You owe it to yourself to break up with this girl. I can see a few scenarios that may be playing here: 1. She testing you to see how much she can control the relationship or manipulate you. She kisses him because she wants to test your reaction and see if she can extend her boundaries. If you accept any excuse, she will not respect you at all. She may enjoy your company and your validation... but she will hold zero respect for you. 2. She doesn't care much for your relationship, and was really hoping this other guy wanted to persue her. Sure, she may have regretted it.... but you cannot ignore what was in her mind at the time it happened. She doesn't value you... so you're better off finding someone who does. She'll never treat you right because you are second rate. 3. She was drunk and got swept away in the moment. Some people consider this a decent excuse. I say "in vino veritas". I've seen plenty of girls in relationships get absurdly drunk... but still don't kiss any other guys. As people have said before... what would've happened if you weren't around? In addition, it's obvious she needed some sort of validation from kissing this guy (which is a terrible decision.. because it degrades her in both you and the other guys mind). She's not fulfilled in your relationship (well...probably because she's 21 and it'd be tough to be fulfilled in any relationship at that age). I could go on... but because it was someone who she KNOWS you hate... I'd guess it's #1. Just remember when you are trying to figure this out... YOU have been wronged. Many people when caught in those situations try to flip it. (i.e. "I kissed him because you don't love me enough. You don't give me any independence. You smother me. You're never around. etc etc") Pay attention to her reaction. It's a cold interpretation, but your relationship is a power struggle. It will be until you both realize that it's serious and both want more. As long as it's a power struggle, acknowledge your emotions... but NEVER let them fully dictate your decisions. Don't let them cloud your judgement in this case either. It's up to you... but I've seen this situation too many times. It never really turns out good for either person. I'd say end it. You're young and are probably better off not dealing with this. Wow you really think so.....its very hard...cause I like her alot and she don't control me a bit.....but you make alot of sence and I will take it in consideration....but i got too talk to her before I make drastic decisions...and c how far she wants this relationship to go.....lol....My heart is beeting so hard right now its hard to explain...lol Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Break up with her. Don't buy her excuses, her BS, her rationalizations, or her justifications. You owe it to yourself to break up with this girl. I can see a few scenarios that may be playing here: 1. She testing you to see how much she can control the relationship or manipulate you. She kisses him because she wants to test your reaction and see if she can extend her boundaries. If you accept any excuse, she will not respect you at all. She may enjoy your company and your validation... but she will hold zero respect for you. 2. She doesn't care much for your relationship, and was really hoping this other guy wanted to persue her. Sure, she may have regretted it.... but you cannot ignore what was in her mind at the time it happened. She doesn't value you... so you're better off finding someone who does. She'll never treat you right because you are second rate. 3. She was drunk and got swept away in the moment. Some people consider this a decent excuse. I say "in vino veritas". I've seen plenty of girls in relationships get absurdly drunk... but still don't kiss any other guys. As people have said before... what would've happened if you weren't around? In addition, it's obvious she needed some sort of validation from kissing this guy (which is a terrible decision.. because it degrades her in both you and the other guys mind). She's not fulfilled in your relationship (well...probably because she's 21 and it'd be tough to be fulfilled in any relationship at that age). I could go on... but because it was someone who she KNOWS you hate... I'd guess it's #1. Just remember when you are trying to figure this out... YOU have been wronged. Many people when caught in those situations try to flip it. (i.e. "I kissed him because you don't love me enough. You don't give me any independence. You smother me. You're never around. etc etc") Pay attention to her reaction. It's a cold interpretation, but your relationship is a power struggle. It will be until you both realize that it's serious and both want more. As long as it's a power struggle, acknowledge your emotions... but NEVER let them fully dictate your decisions. Don't let them cloud your judgement in this case either. It's up to you... but I've seen this situation too many times. It never really turns out good for either person. I'd say end it. You're young and are probably better off not dealing with this. Listen to this man for he is a man who is full of the wisdom of the gods. Like I said in your other thread, drop her. Alcohol doesn't make you do anything, besides she decided to consume all that herself. Again he's right she's seeing how much power she has, if you go, "Well its ok don't do it again" what you really communicated was, "Here's my balls, and my future children's balls, please enjoy them and do what you would like with them, we obviously don't need them." Link to post Share on other sites
Vincent Vega Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 You should just break up with her and save yourself a lot of heartache when you find out she cheated on you. Being drunk isn't an excuse. I get quite sloshed quite often and I still know what I am doing. And like someone else said, if she did that right in front of you, imagine what she does when she's away? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CStewart Posted January 29, 2006 Author Share Posted January 29, 2006 I found facts that you can have loss of memory......and she does like too party......but she told me that she wants to slow the partying down cause she's getting tyerd of it....so ....she's done alot of drinking in her past I know that for a fact...and i asked around her friends ect......they all said that she woulden't cheat on me.....and she never cheated before so maybe it was a friendly kiss eh...hehe found this info on the web...... -----> Dear Alice, (question) What exactly does "blacking out" from alcohol mean? Can people get so drunk that it is physiologically impossible for them to remember what happened the next day? Also, is it possible for someone to walk around, talk to people, etc., and then have no way of remembering those actions? Dear Reader, (answer) Yes, indeed. Blackouts, defined as periods of amnesia (memory loss), are caused when alcohol consumption levels prevent the formation of memories in the brain. These levels vary from person to person, and the time frame of these memory lapses is not always marked by visible altered states of consciousness. For example, you and your friends could go to a bar tonight, have some drinks, and talk about politics. But tomorrow, when your friends recall in detail the previous evening's discourse, you may not recall the actual conversation even though you were a full and competent participant. This point is important because blackouts are often confused with passing out, which does constitute a change in consciousness. Blackouts are common among alcohol abusers and can be a warning sign to drinkers and their friends that alcohol-related problems exist. Blackouts are also considered an early high-risk indicator of alcoholism. For problem and healthy drinkers alike, blackouts are often troubling or traumatic when serious and typically unforgettable occurrences are impossible to remember, such as... I don't recall slapping her! You're kidding, I took my pants off and danced on the bar? Did I have sex with that guy last night?... Or even, was he wearing a condom? It can be pretty sobering to realize that, in the end, we are responsible for our actions, whether we remember them or not. It's too bad when we forget, for life, really pleasurable things like a party, meeting new people, or intimate moments of sexual pleasure. If you are concerned about your own blackouts, or the memory-challenging episodes of others, cutting back or setting limits on your alcohol intake would be wise and responsible. If the problem is chronic, and a symptom of more serious drinking or other drug use, professional support or assistance is the next step. If you are at Columbia, call Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) at x4-2468 to make an appointment with a therapist who specializes in these issues. Elsewhere, contact the National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information at (800) 729-6686 for free educational information and resources on alcohol-related health topic Anyways thx for the advice it motivated me to find out everything Ps....my writing skills suck cause i'm french lol Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Hey at a month, maybe she has a different perception of what the relationship actually is. Do you have a right after a month to be pissed? If she is sorry about it, and wants to be exclusive with you--chalk it up to a youthful indescretion. I think you are stressing out way too much over this peck on the lips! Now if it was lips on the pecker a whole different story! Link to post Share on other sites
Vincent Vega Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Just because she has memory loss, doesn't mean she didn't know what she was doing. They are two distinctly different things. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 If she had suffered a blackout she would not know what she was apologising for. Alcohol enables you to do stupid things. From a little to a lot. She is 21, cut her some slack. If she is experiencing blackouts it is time to cut back drastically on the booze. Her behaviour was inflammatory at worst and juvenile at best. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Totally, completely undatable. there is no sense in having a relationship with someone who is that out of control. Just be happy you only have a month invested in it. Link to post Share on other sites
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