Been divorced one month feels like life is against me

[lost in colorado]

Well Ill make it short we seperated on July 4 2005 and got divorced December 21, 2005. (Married two years) During the first three months were got back together than seperated again. So we agreed to just talk and work out our problems, but as we tried to work out our problems i found out that she thought that all of our problems were my fault. So we agreed to get a divorce(we have a 19 month baby together)and after the divorce we would try the dating thing together maybe a new start would help. That only lasted one week and all of a sudden she stop talking and told me horrible things such as she doesn't love me anymore and that she hated everything about me and my family. So i guess my question is that if i start NC well it help in making her realize that we need to be together. When we first meet we were un seperatable we done everything together i moved in with her three months after we met i really fell in love with her she told me she was in love me to.

Can a person in my situtation wait for her to sort out her feeling or could it be true that a person can fall out of love. I can honestly say that i want to do anything and everything to prove to her im the one for her. i ve also read all of those e-books on how to win back your ex. Does anyone know of anybody who has followed the 4 steps and actually won back there ex...

[lost in colorado]

any body out there with any good info.

[bluechocolate]

I don't know about the 4 steps so therefore can't comment on its success or otherwise.

 

Getting a divorce & then trying the dating thing seems a bit @ss back wards to me. You should have gone into marriage counseling while you were still together.

 

You moved in together after only 3 months, married 2 years & with a baby 19 months old. Seems like everything just moved too fast, too soon. It could be that she would have reached this point without the marriage & the baby.

 

So i guess my question is that if i start NC well it help in making her realize that we need to be together.

 

Needing & wanting are two different things.

 

You have a child together so I don't see that you can strictly do no contact, can you?

[lost in colorado]

thanks for being straight forward, your right i cant do NC completly, but i can limit on how much we talk hopefuly just talk about our son.

[bluechocolate]

You asked for good info & I'm not sure that I have any to give.

 

"Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least" - Gordon Livingstone, M.D.

 

You can't control her feelings but you can take control of your own life. Don't accept from her that you are entirely to blame here, while it takes two people to make a relationship, unfortunately it only takes one to end it.

 

Right now all you can really do is articulate how you feel & how you would like to give things a second chance & then drop the subject entirely with her. If you have some changes to make in your life, make them, not to win her back, but to better yourself and to be a good father.

 

Good Luck.

[lost in colorado]

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mz. Pixie]

You do not have the option of NC, because you have a child together. That's one thing that people do not understand- you may not always be married to that person, but you are parents FOREVER.

 

She has probably met someone else. It doesn't really seem that she's interested in working through your issues because she's not open to you guys even trying.

 

I think that you should reframe how you think about her. Instead of viewing her as your wife, view her as the mother of your children, simply. That means, she's on her own. You give her the agreed amount of money in the divorce but no bailing her out if she's short. If she really wants to be without you, let her see what that means.

 

Cultivate your own interests, focus on yourself. I know right now it seems like you're hopeless but perhaps some counseling for you to move past hte divorce is in order?? Join the gym, start working out. Start going out and having a good time. The sooner you start doing things to make yourself feel better, the sooner you will feel better.