ohzee Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 So the girl in question was in a six month relationship, they broke up and I became the rebound guy. (I have determined this from long days and nights of trying to make sense of the whole thing). We spent every moment together as a family and we fell in love. Just before Thanksgiving, last year she announced she was going to give her ex boyfriend a second chance. I gathered my things and said my good byes. Dec. she text messaged me with a birthday greeting, (pretty generic), Christmas again, generic text message. I have made no contact with her since the break up. Complete NC. Although she is my thoughts I have moved on to self-improvement phase. I have been doing very well, I sleep well, I eat well, and I am completely focused on my goals of correcting areas in my life that I may be lacking in. In essence I have accepted the situation and I feel much better since the heart break. Here comes the bomb. Today as I am walking in the door from work the phone rings. I answer it like usual, and it’s her. “SHOCKER” .It was a two minute conversation. The only thing of importance that was said was, I asked, how are things? Her reply was I don’t want to talk about that, I just wanted to hear your voice. And then we said good bye. I have no idea what she has been up to, but I believe she and her ex are living together. I have spent the last four hours going over each word to determine what the actual purpose of that call was. Of course nothing would make me happier than to know she wants me back. But I do live in reality and I just don’t want to fall back to the feelings I had when I originally lost her. Can anyone here give me a logical explanation of why she really called me. It makes no sense to me…. just to hear my voice? WTF. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Try and ignore that it never happened.. she isbanging another right now and she has just put you into the back burner postion by calling you.. Till she dumps this guy and fixs her issues ( she has many as she is back with her ex ) Do complete NC and if she keeps contacting you tell her to leave you alone.. that you are healing Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 First of all, congrats on doing strict no contact! Most guys would've gone chasing after her as soon as they got that generic Christmas text message. I can tell you exactly why she called you.....her EGO. Don't think for a second that she's having thoughts of wanting you back. When you let her text messages go unanswered, you pricked her ego. She can't believe that you didn't text her right back and go chasing after her like a chump. That's all it is. The fact that this girl kicked you to the curb to get back with an ex-boyfriend tells me that she wasn't very interested in you to begin with. So, you really didn't lose anything here. Next time she calls you like that, say "hey, it's so good to hear from you; listen, my date's in the kitchen making dinner, so I can't talk right now, but keep in touch." click. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Dear ohzee. If you are doing well without her and have no feelings left for her, then do not initiate any further contact. If you decide you still have feelings for her, be certain she is truly 'over' the ex. Enough said. Take care. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohzee Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 Thanks to all of you, for your insightful replies. It’s comforting to know there are so many wise folks out the in LS, ready help a stranger out, with words of wisdom. Art Critic: I’m sure you know how difficult it is to ignore that phone call, but you are correct. That’s exactly what I need to do. I have always been a very strong willed person, but somehow this girl has weakened me at the knees and has made it difficult to get my strength back. I am very much working on it. I am aware that she is with someone else currently and obviously has issues. I made it clear to her at the time of break-up, that I would not play second to anyone and would not accept her crumbs. Therefore I have exercised complete NC, and will continue to. Thank you for your reply, very helpful. Gfto: Thanks for your input. I am having trouble understanding how a phone call, would be used to stroke her own ego. I got nothing out of it, other than more questions and she definitely got nothing other than hearing my voice. To me it was just another mind f**k, on her part. Although deep inside I do wish she had second thoughts about us, realistically I know that is not the case and I will make an effort to treat it that way. Thank you again. Riobikini: You are a wise one, thank you! I am doing well without her, not by choice but because I have to. She is on my mind constantly. But it’s mind over matter. I have no intentions of contacting her now or ever. For as long as her ex is around I really have nothing to say to her. In the event that those circumstances change, I guess I will hear it from her. But I assure you I will continue with my goals and strict NC. The issue is I am still healing from the heartbreak and the phone call from her brought back the many illusions and the question of why she actually called me….it wasn’t to hear my voice. What was it? More unanswered questions as always. Ohzee Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 RE: ohzee:"….it wasn’t to hear my voice. What was it?" It was the 'options factor'. Plus, -it gives her ego a delightful boost to know she still may have you interested. She's in both, 'feeling out' and 'feeding' mode. You are the target. Now,...-move quickly away from the little red beam on your chest...the one leveled dead-center on your heart. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohzee Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 It makes me wonder....If I am in a happy, commited relationship, why would I want to call someone from the past? Obviously someones "ego", isn't being stroked at home. Link to post Share on other sites
heartnsoul Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Ohzee....The grass is always greener on the other side. I'd say she's having doubts. Otherwise, she wouldn't have 'needed to hear your voice'. When you're happily involved...you certainly don't go looking for 'comfort' elsewhere. I admire your strength. You seem to have it together with the NC and I hope that you find the healing power in it. Good luck and stick to that 'no crumbs' mentality Link to post Share on other sites
heartnsoul Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 LOL...I posted not having read your latest reply I'm right there with ya! Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I am having trouble understanding how a phone call, would be used to stroke her own ego. I got nothing out of it, other than more questions and she definitely got nothing other than hearing my voice. She got much more out of it than hearing your voice. She got the satisfaction of knowing that you'd take her back in a split second, even though she is no longer interested in you. My guess is that she has lost interest in her current boyfriend, and she's in the process of building up enough resentment to tell him she "needs her space." And it was comforting to her to know that you're still available as filler while she looks for a new boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohzee Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 And it was comforting to her to know that you're still available as filler while she looks for a new boyfriend. I am guilty of not hanging up on her, but I certainly did not give her any indication that I am avilable to her, not even as "filler". I think Rio was right in saying she was in 'feeling out' and 'feeding' mode. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I dont believe it was an Ego reason to why she rang. More than likely a) She had a fight with her Boyfriend. b) Things are going bad between them 2.(or they broke up) c) She is feeling depressed and was thinking about you. Like others said, dont look too deep into this. But I do feel for ya cause I can see how this could play games with ur mind. Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Ohzee- I have a similiar situation that happened to me and i wish that I was as strong as you were. I wish that I would have acted like you did because i would not be going through the heartache and pian that I am in right now. I dated a great girl that I will always feel was the one that got away almost two years ago. It was a LDR relationship for the year that I was with her and for the most part it was great. I loved her with all my heart and held her on a pedestal the entire time i was with her. Anyways we ended up breaking up in June 2004. We had very minimal conatct the whole time I was with her. She called a few times and that was it. Then in Feb, I got a kinda love letter from her telling me all sorts of nice things and that she realizes more than ever now how amzing i was, etc.. Anyways fast forward to Sept of last year. Out of the blue she calls me and we start to talk again. She tells me how much she misses me, how great I was, etc... She started making plans to do stuff with me and trips we wanted to go on when we were together but never happened. She was sending me pics of her, her family, gifts in the mail, a whole lot of stuff. She definately made me feel that she was interested again. My wish had come true. My grandma used to tell me to wish when the clock struck 11:11 and I did. I wished that her and I would get back together. I was so happy and I just thanked God for this opportunity that I was getting. She was calling me everday just to say hi, called me to say goodnite, all the stuff a GF would do, you know? Well she finally convinved me to come and visit her and I did. I got on a plane and flew to see her. It was amazing to see her but it was totally different than I thought it was going to be. There was definate chemistry and sparks but nothing happened. I didnt kiss her, sleep with her, anything. Finally I told her how I was feeling and she turned the whole thing around on me. She told me that I should have never thought anythng was going to happen and that she didnt want to be in a relationship with anybody, etc.. My heart broke all over again. So I get home from seeing her and she ignores me for a whole week. Finally she calls me and lays into me. Telling me that it was stupid taht we ever started to talk again and that I need to forget about her and move on with me life and that I need to go find a good girl that will treat me right, etc..... She was saying all this in such a mean way too. I just agreed with her and that was it. Anyways its been two months and the onloy contact I got from her was a Happy New Year text, taht was it. I am going through all the heartache again. It sucks!!!! It took me almost a year to get over her and then she popped back into my life and I have to start over. Why did she do this, I will never know. I figure that I was a rebound or that she got heartbroken from some guyy and needed me, who knows? Just be carefull my friend and dont make the same mistakes I did, please dont... Keep me posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohzee Posted January 29, 2006 Author Share Posted January 29, 2006 WOW, that’s pretty harsh Kodiak. I don’t seem to understand where some of these girls are coming from. I’m sure there are guys that do it too, but don’t they think about what this is doing to the recipient? Are they just calculated, cold hearted people or are they just ignorant to the pain they are causing? I really had no need for that phone call, my life has been getting better with the memory of her dissipating, and then out of the blue…..BANG, another set back. Right after we broke up, a few months ago, I had seriously thought of texting her this web site address (LS), so she can read and learn what this type of behavior does to a person. Only reason I didn’t is because it would break my vow to stay on NC. I have read every single reply to my thread, and I am grateful to everyone for their input and advice, I agree with the general consensus of not taking this to heart and dismissing the idea of it meaning anything. (I’m referring to the phone call), so with that said I will return to NC and continue with my healing process as if I had never received the call. Thank you all for your devoted assistance and wisdom. Ohzee Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 so with that said I will return to NC and continue with my healing process as if I had never received the call. Thank you all for your devoted assistance and wisdom. I went thru a LDR and had to go NC and cold turkey to get away. She called and I let it goto the answering machine. I was just getting home and she just left a nasty message about breaking up without reconcilliation. I believe Rio is very wise... I would have to say stick with NC and continue healing; if not at least get caller id! Link to post Share on other sites
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