life_take2 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Three years ago my wife told me that she wasn't in love with me anymore. I insisted on counseling. She had a list of issues that I addressed. I thought things were better. But apparently, over the last three years, nothing changed. A month ago, she said that she is no longer in love with me, that I don't turn her on anymore, and she wants a divorce. I have moved out of our house into an apartment. She insists that it's not me. I don't think there is someone else. In hind site, I can see where I lost interest and didn't actively love her as much as I could have; i.e., maybe I did take her for granted. But I also feel that she didn't communicate her needs to me. I feel like she expected me, or things, to change on their own. I feel like she just waited to see if she would regain her love for me. I don't believe love works that way. Yes...love is based on some raw attraction but the balance comes from the things we do for and say to each other. I have read this elsewhere, but we really just did turn into roommates. We were married for 20 years, together for 25. No kids. We had a wonderful life together, house, traveled the world, and were each other's best friend. I love her soooo much! I was so looking forward to retiring together and continuing to travel. But somehow, we both lost something over the years. There was no abuse or anything negative. I am trying my best not to beat myself up about it. I feel like a failure and like I have lost everything. But it does take TWO in a relationship and I think we both have to take responsibility. I believe that there will be a positive outcome to this, although it seems extremely far away. I know that this is a learning/growing experience, but it doesn't help with the hurt and feelings of abandonment and rejection. Historically, it seems you hear this story from the wife's side, but I am here to say that it is just as bad, if not worse, if your wife is the leaver. My counselor said the other day that it is more difficult, from an emotional standpoint, for men. He also said that it could take two to five years to overcome a divorce. I didn't need to hear either of those! I know it's a matter of time. I just want to heal, recover, and hopefully be a happy person again. The thought of dating again, at 46, is a whole other story. <sigh> Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
whatwentwrong Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Oh I am sooooooo with you. I am 45 have been with my husband for 30 years and am not into the dating scene. My hubbie and I were best firneds too. We have three kids and have laughed together and skied golfed travelled etc. He suddenly admitted that at 15 he was sexually abused and now has left and says it is all me. I am a mess. I am a nurse love everyone and am very capable funny and OK looking. Tell me abouot you. I feel your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
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