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when to break NC?


resentment006

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resentment006

I've been in NC with my ex for about 4 months. She broke up with me in september. I started NC immediately. She has called me 8 times since the break up but I haven't answered. She left me a voice mail message about an hour ago telling me she misses me and has been thinking alot about me and wants to talk to me about trying again..

 

Should I break NC? If so how long should I wait before returning her call? Or should I wait for her to call me again & then answer? I've already deleted her phone numbers & e-mail addresses. I've been exercising and I've lost 22 lbs since the break up. I've been hanging out with my friends alot and taking piano lessons. I'm not really interested in other girls for the time being.

 

I'm thinking it would be a good idea to continue NC for a couple more weeks so that gives her a chance to miss me more.

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Okay, let me see if I get this straight:

 

  1. She broke up with you
  2. You want a second chance with her
  3. She's called you eight times in the last four months since you broke up and you haven't returned a call
  4. She just called you saying that she misses you and wants to try again and you want to ignore her some more so that she "misses you some more"

 

Uh, I'm definitely no expert, but how much more do you want? Why did you two break up? Has she been seeing someone else? Do you really want to be with her?

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resentment006

Mutual friends have told me she hasn't seen anyone else. I never asked questions about what she's doing or who she's seeing. It would've been too painful for me to find out. But they volunteered that information saying she didn't have time for dating anyone else and that she had been working overtime at her job.

 

We broke up because she felt we were spending too much time together and she needed space. I was clingy and spent all my free time with her. I have learned to be more independent now. I wanted to marry her and she wasn't ready for that.

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resentment006

Another reason we broke up is because she thought I was obsessed with my physical appearance & body building. Also 2 days before we broke up I desecrated a bible at her church and she took offense to that.

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What's the problem?

 

Dude, you are in a position that so many people here would envy. Me included. I mean, if you really understand your part in the breakup and have really changed those behaviors and thought patterns that lead to it, what's the problem? It seems like she's totally willing to give you another shot, and you seem to be stringing this out for whatever reason.

 

If you really want a second chance, talk to her. She wants to talk to you about it. But, don't go right back to where you were. You apparently made some mistakes the first time, and you say that you understand that and have made steps to improve that. If that's true, then show her.

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How long did you two date???

 

If you want to get back with her and it has been 4 months with NC. I think that you can break it. That's if you really want to persue this relationship again.

 

Obviously she misses you... no doubt about that... Don't give her anymore time... If you do then she might just move on...

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Another reason we broke up is because she thought I was obsessed with my physical appearance & body building. Also 2 days before we broke up I desecrated a bible at her church and she took offense to that.

 

Oookay, I didn't see this before I responded. I mean, it doesn't change anything about my response, it's just kind of...weird. Are these two things related? Did you rip a bible in half like some people do with phone books? :D

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Another reason we broke up is because she thought I was obsessed with my physical appearance & body building. Also 2 days before we broke up I desecrated a bible at her church and she took offense to that.

 

As would I. That's not cool. It's ok to have a difference of opinion but your action showed a blatent disrespect for other people's views.

 

Have you considered anger management classes?

 

To answer your original question, wait a day or two to think about what you want to say to her. Keep it light and breezy. Make sure she knows you've been busy but don't give her details.

 

Ask her WHY she wants to try again and what has changed.

 

From there you can decide what you want to do.

 

(And please, desecrating a bible isn't just bad karma, it's utterly tactless and rude.)

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resentment006

Here is an update. I have actually done alot of thinking and decided to just move on. I haven´t replied to her last call. I never will because I don´t want to try again with her. It will just be a matter of time before she dumps me again. Second chances don´t work out for the long haul usually. I´ve been reading alot of articles on this. I´m still in NC mode. I don´t want her back. I don´t know if I should just reply and tell her that I´m turning down her offer or if I should just move on.

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i think you really have problem. i am sorry if you are not happy with this. but , i can tell that you are so ful of anger and resentment. Exactly like your nickname. You want her to suffer... and you are happy that she is not with someone else. basically , you dont want to see her happy. But ask your self , what if you heard that she has someone else to replace you ? what would you do ?

 

Another thing is that you said you want her to miss you more. You want her to beg , for your ego boost. Am i correct to say that ? But you got to be honest , and reflect your attitude too. What made her ask for a break.

 

lastly, religious stuff is very sensitive matter. You should be more respectful

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