Confronting the most argumentative, touchy person alive

[Miss Mojo]

hi guys,

 

i need a bit of advice on a very sensitive topic...well, at least how to confront a very argumentative person, which in itself is very sensitive.

 

my sister always has to argue things that people say to her. the words "constructive criticism" are not in her vocabulary. she raises her voice, talks over people when we try to reason and when we stay calm, and accuses us of not listening. these episodes are very frequent, and i'm getting sick to death of living with it. not to mention, she had my mother in tears tonight over a such a petty thing as not turning the stove off (my sister forgot to turn it off, my mum pointed it out to her, she started swearing and carrying on...blah, blah, blah).

 

you just cannot talk to her rationally. i have never met anyone like her, who you cannot reason with. she has even created scenes when out with friends.

 

my main concern now is that it is really upsetting my mother, who is stressed out and worried enough as it is with my grandmother undergoing chemotherapy and her anxiety associated with chemo. the last thing she needs is my sister's crap. my grandmother also lives us.

 

how on earth do i confront her? it's getting harder and harder to stay calm around her. i'm sick and tired of the way she thinks she can upset the apple cart, while we all bite our tongues to avoid a huge blow-up. i have calmly suggested anger-management courses/techniques numerous times, but to no avail. of course, she takes it as a personal affront.

 

please help!

 

thanks guys

 

p.s. if i delete this message, i'm sure you'll understand....she lives with me.

[Tony T]

Sadly, it sounds like she had an extreme inferiority complex. People who are very argumentative and defensive have great fears about who they are. The need to be right all the time springs from low self esteem and irrational beliefs.

 

Sorry, but her low self-esteem is probably the fault of mum, dad or someone else in the family who constantly put her down as a child.

 

Her development as a human has been arrested for some reason. Mature people don't act this way.

 

The only thing you can do is get her into neutral territory...such as the office of a counsellor. When she is told how insane her behavior is, that her survival is not contingent on her being right about everything, and that if she's going to have a healthy life she's going to have to change, that will probably do the trick.

 

Because of her defenses being up, there's really nothing any member of the family can do. It will take the work of an outsider to straighten her out.

 

Get the assistance of a very excellent counsellor.

 

She'll probably grow out of this in time, more than likely when somebody smacks her about the mouth real good and sends her to the hospital for to be stitched up.

 

If she was related to me, I wouldn't put up with her crap. She'd either go to the counsellor with me...or go to the hospital for required medical care after I decked her ass.

[Miss Mojo]

thanks tony,

 

i've come very close to decking her arse on numerous occassions.

 

no, mum or dad never put her down as a child. but she is notorious for getting herself into crappy relationships where the guys put her down. i know that has a hell of a lot to do with her attitude, and i've told her and talked to her about it. she's single now....let's hope it stays that way for a while.

 

i briefly mentioned to her today about last night's petty fight upsetting my mum, and amazingly enough she took it well. probably because i said, "if WE find ourselves getting upset over stupid things, we should stand back and assess if the situation is really worth upsetting someone over". she agreed (let's see for how long though, eh?!).

 

thanks again!