He might be leaving me and I'm Pregnant

[Bluideangel]

So in my last post my friend had cheated on me. And of course like most girlfriends I wont let it go right away. He says I'm always bringing it back up to slap him in the face and I do but it isn't always intentional. But anyways he is really upset about me bringing it up and I can understand that. He says that there is way to much "drama" in our relationship so he said that he needed a few days to think about things. Well it's been two days and still no call. The worst part of this situation is that I might be pregnant. So what should I do if he leaves me and I am pregnant? How should I tell him? and when I do will he come back to me??

[barfool]

First off he should not be getting angry that you are bringing up his cheating. If anything he should be ashamed and apologetic. He needs to understand how emotionally damaging it is and that it will take you and the relationship some time to recover.

 

I think that both of you need some time appart to contemplate what you really want out of this relationship and if the other person is able to provide that for you.

 

If you do discover that you are pregnant then he does need to know. But don't use that as some tool for getting him back. You will need to find out what his intentions are as far as being a father and yours as well and make decisions from there.

[morrigan]

Take care of yourself first--take a pregnancy test and go to your doctor. You can't be sure until then.

 

I think your ex is doing you a favor by breaking up. Would you two stop arguing if you got back together? Is he a good person for you to be with? I doubt it.

 

If you are pregnant, you need to make some tough decisions about your future, not worry about getting your ex back. If you made the decision to have the child, he should be notified and held financially responsible. Being pregnant isn't going to save an already bad relationship, it would just make it worse.

[Candied-Heart]

First off he should not be getting angry that you are bringing up his cheating.

 

Not always true. I was the cheated once where I continually used his cheating as my reason for anger towards him. The more I brought it up the more detrimental it was to our relationship, until we fought so much we split.

 

There IS a point where you have to stop holding it over his head. Cheating is bad. He did a bad thing. But at the end of the day if you've chosen to stick with him and work things through you should grow up and quit making him be 'sorry' for something he has the rest of his time with you, if not his life, to feel guilt about. How can anything work if you constantly drag it down and reflect back to that incident?

 

Though I add, I do agree that he should take responsibility for hurting you and taking away the trust. He just doesn't need to hear it after the reconciliation has occured.

[barfool]

He just doesn't need to hear it after the reconciliation has occured.

 

I slightly disagree with your post. I think there is a point where you need to either let go and move on or give up. I don't know how long ago this guy cheated on her so I can't really say for her situation.

 

But I do think that the cheater needs to understand that it is a deep cut in the relationship that will take time to heal and may get periodically infected.

 

She will be angry and confused a lot and I'm sure some of it will be taken out on him. These feelings should be dealt with in a constructive way ideally. That is the only way the feelings will be resolved rather than just propogated.

 

After reconciliation things aren't going to just magically return to normal. In some ways things will never be quite the same. And it will take work on both their parts. There is no point in pretending it didn't happen or denying your feelings.

[Candied-Heart]

I was just posting having been in the same situation. I left him.. because I couldn't cope with feeling reminded of the infidelity and despite his wrongdoing, I didn't want to go through any more ups and downs which always seemed to revolve around the unfaithfulness on his part. I agree that there is a certain time you should let it to rest.

 

After reconciliation things aren't going to just magically return to normal. ...

... There is no point in pretending it didn't happen or denying your feelings.

 

I don't recall saying that things would "magically return" to any form of normalcy. I was saying that once you have CHOSEN to REMAIN with the cheater, those actions should tell you that you want to make it work and therefore have to give up some of the constant resentment to a degree, sure it's fine to feel sad every now and then and he did screw up.. but holding on to it is just another relationship game.

 

P.S -- Reconciliation doesn't equal denial of the action ever occuring.