Strip club- cheating?

[Gia77]

I was wondering how many people thought that a guy who is in a committed relationship and occasionally goes to a strip club and gets a lap dance is cheating? My BF of almost 2 years rarely goes (just ocasional bachelor party/birthday party). I know he doesnt cheat and that the lap dances are nothing more than a stripper wiggling around in front of him- nothing as bad as the stories I read on this website. My female friends dont even seemed to be bothered by theyre boyfriends doing occasional stuff like this. After reading some posts I'm wondering if I should be upset? I never felt cheated on, but am I?

[Curmudgeon]

if you were there? That might answer your question.

[cal gal]

Maybe you should go together. No harm in appreciating attractive people.

 

That was always a fantasy I would have liked to participate in.

[lilacmist]

No I don't think it's cheating.

 

Men are 'visual' creatures anyhow, they look at that kinda stuff all the time, whether it's in strip clubs/porno mags/porno DVD's. He's not unusual in that aspect.

 

Why worry when he's only looking and not touching??

[cal gal]

I agree that men are very visual.

 

It seems a waste of time to be a jealous person in life. Enjoy your man and have fun with him.

[cygny]

I was wondering how many people thought that a guy who is in a committed relationship and occasionally goes to a strip club and gets a lap dance is cheating? My BF of almost 2 years rarely goes (just ocasional bachelor party/birthday party). I know he doesnt cheat and that the lap dances are nothing more than a stripper wiggling around in front of him- nothing as bad as the stories I read on this website. My female friends dont even seemed to be bothered by theyre boyfriends doing occasional stuff like this. After reading some posts I'm wondering if I should be upset? I never felt cheated on, but am I?

 

i thought a lap dance was where she could touch him a little? isn't that why it's called a "lap" dance? and not just a private dance?

 

otoh, if you aren't jealous, i'd say you were a lucky girl, and not become that way if you don't have to be.

[Vincent Vega]

a lot of the women on this site seem to be way too paranoid and make a lot of things up. i go to strip clubs maybe 4 times a year, and we do not have sex with the girls or anything. we don't go to look at tits, we go to hang out with friends, laugh at the one virgin guy in the group getting a lapdance and looking like he just saw a ghost, and laughing at all of the girls "dancing to pay tuition" and either being from or having a relative from where you live. it's funny how it all seems so scripted. but we don't go to fantacize or anything so i don't know why so many women have a problem with it. we don't get out dicks grabbed or get handjobs or blowjobs and we don't finger the strippers (well some guys might, but i personally don't want an STD on the fingers i use to eat food with)

[cygny]

a lot of the women on this site seem to be way too paranoid and make a lot of things up. i go to strip clubs maybe 4 times a year, and we do not have sex with the girls or anything. we don't go to look at tits, we go to hang out with friends, laugh at the one virgin guy in the group getting a lapdance and looking like he just saw a ghost, and laughing at all of the girls "dancing to pay tuition" and either being from or having a relative from where you live. it's funny how it all seems so scripted. but we don't go to fantacize or anything so i don't know why so many women have a problem with it. we don't get out dicks grabbed or get handjobs or blowjobs and we don't finger the strippers (well some guys might, but i personally don't want an STD on the fingers i use to eat food with)

 

 

hey, like you said, "that's just you"...lol

[Vincent Vega]

hey, like you said, "that's just you"...lol

hey if you're gonna bang a stripper, you have to be prepared to pay hundreds of bucks, because they can already make a couple hundred off of just one dude without ever having to even touch his dick. i've never seen anybody go off and **** a stripper in the strip club. the only guys who go there to get some action are losers and never end up getting it

[incognito]

I was wondering how many people thought that a guy who is in a committed relationship and occasionally goes to a strip club and gets a lap dance is cheating? My BF of almost 2 years rarely goes (just ocasional bachelor party/birthday party). I know he doesnt cheat and that the lap dances are nothing more than a stripper wiggling around in front of him- nothing as bad as the stories I read on this website. My female friends dont even seemed to be bothered by theyre boyfriends doing occasional stuff like this. After reading some posts I'm wondering if I should be upset? I never felt cheated on, but am I?

 

 

If you haven't been upset by it before....why would you suddenly become upset just by reading posts???? It's a very individual thing, and everyone has their own boundaries....I think it's a bit silly to ask if you should be upset if you've never been before? If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother you. And if it does bother you, whatever "it" may be....then it should be taken care of

[RainyDayWoman]

I know he doesnt cheat and that the lap dances are nothing more than a stripper wiggling around in front of him-

 

this is what he tells you. why do you think it's called a "lap dance?"

 

it's like dry-humping. i've seen it, around the floor and in priavte backrooms. and i've seen much more than the "guys go to laugh at the girls, we don't even look, we go to bond, blah blah blah."

 

if that were the case, they wouldn't go to a place with naked chicks, then would they?

 

i am sure some places are very strict, because some places have to be. but others are pretty much anything goes. i won't go into detail and frighten you, you can use your own imagination.

[Vincent Vega]

this is what he tells you. why do you think it's called a "lap dance?"

 

it's like dry-humping. i've seen it, around the floor and in priavte backrooms. and i've seen much more than the "guys go to laugh at the girls, we don't even look, we go to bond, blah blah blah."

 

if that were the case, they wouldn't go to a place with naked chicks, then would they?

 

i am sure some places are very strict, because some places have to be. but others are pretty much anything goes. i won't go into detail and frighten you, you can use your own imagination.

 

women will never understand. the strip club creates an entertaining atmosphere. we don't sit there and circle jerk. yes, lap dances are basically slow dry humping, but who cares? unless your man goes out and spends hundreds of bucks on lap dances, it shouldn't matter. and nobody ever said we don't even look at the girls, i don't know where you got that from. but i guess we shouldn't go to the beach either, i mean the girls are almost naked there. heaven forbid we should see some bare breasts. omg the human body is so wrong! if you don't like the lapdances aspect of it, tell your man to not get a lap dance, it's as simple as that. it's not like we HAVE to go get one. they are boring and a waste of money to tell you the truth. guys don't have this secret compulsion to get lap dances. if one does, then he's got serious issues.

[RainyDayWoman]

if you don't like the lapdances aspect of it, tell your man to not get a lap dance, it's as simple as that.

 

my feelings about it were not included. i've actually never been with someone who had a "strip-club problem." i've just been in them myself.

[lilacmist]

It's like this. If he's gonna cheat on you, he'll do it regardless and not necessarily with a lap dancer. If he's eyeing up these dancers with thoughts of banging one of them, then he's also probably eyeing up the normal woman on the street with thoughts of banging her also.

 

Why don't some women have some 'trust' in their men??

 

I reckon you have some deep rooted problem in regard to 'trust'.

 

You've been with the guy for two years, so far he hasn't given you any *real* reason/cause for you to lack trust in him, so why don't you trust him????

[barfool]

It sounds like you don't have a problem with him going so don't let what others say bother you.

 

Personally I wouldn't mind my boyfriend going to look at naked women but I do draw the line at them dry-humping him. I think looking is fine and fantasizing is fine but touching is when fantasy turns into reality.

[Gia77]

this is what he tells you. why do you think it's called a "lap dance?"

 

it's like dry-humping. i've seen it, around the floor and in priavte backrooms. and i've seen much more than the "guys go to laugh at the girls, we don't even look, we go to bond, blah blah blah."

 

if that were the case, they wouldn't go to a place with naked chicks, then would they?

 

i am sure some places are very strict, because some places have to be. but others are pretty much anything goes. i won't go into detail and frighten you, you can use your own imagination.

 

I have been to strict places and seen a typical lap dance. I know what goes on at the "anything goes" places from reading a few posts on this site. But I know for sure my bf would never do anything like that with another girl, stripper or not. I think he has only been maybe 3 times in two years, definitely not a habit of his. The only reason why I posted in the fist place is cuz some people on this website called any lap dance cheating.. I was wondering if I was being blind by not considering it (it being a normal dance) cheating.

[RainyDayWoman]

But I know for sure my bf would never do anything like that with another girl, stripper or not.

 

okay, well then....what's the problem? if it's not cheating to you, then...yay!

 

 

people have different standards of cheating these days. if you are okay with it (whatever [it[/i] is) then that's up to you.

 

you're thinking about it because you're a cool chick who does trust her boyfriend, but wants to know. and that's just fine.

 

think of it like this...if it's something you couldn't do in front of him (or him in front of you) it's probably not a good idea...

 

good luck. please keep us posted.

[hooghie]

I think it really comes down to an agreement of what is considered cheating by either party. Some people don't care- others do.

 

In my opinion- it IS cheating to get a lap dance. My BF also thinks it would be cheating for me to dry hump a guy I meet at a bar. I think the 2 are the same. Sorry that us girls don't have to go and pay someone to get the same attention- the physical part is STILL the same.

[MrsP]

I think that you should be tickled with a sweet man that a) goes to strip clubs only occasionally b)goes with other guys and not alone and c)doesn't lie to you about it. If he went often, walked in alone to enjoy the lady friends and made sure you only knew about it when he could use it against you, then, yes, you too may sit alone online and look for company with others who have felt cheated-on. If you didn't feel that way to begin with, then please don't let a post push you over.

 

And if you WANT to know more about strip clubs, you can visit one of those chatrooms where club patrons send posts for other clubbers in heavy coding to try to say which dancer at a given club will give a specified extra for a given amount. Most of these are membership only which suggests they may have some level of validity?! After all, this isn't a Hooters waitress after the lunch hour, it is a woman who will stick her finger up herself and brush it across a random guys' lips for $25. Some wives might consider this favorite-move an "extra" even though it is part of the dry hump experience.(There is even a site that offers what each of the abbreviations in the chatrooms mean.)

[a4a]

I think it really comes down to an agreement of what is considered cheating by either party. Some people don't care- others do.

 

In my opinion- it IS cheating to get a lap dance. My BF also thinks it would be cheating for me to dry hump a guy I meet at a bar. I think the 2 are the same. Sorry that us girls don't have to go and pay someone to get the same attention- the physical part is STILL the same.

 

 

My H feels the same way about me going to a all nude male dance bar. We both know neither would cheat. Neither of us cares for this sort of thing. So we just came to the conclusion that neither of us will participate in this sort of entertainment....

 

If you like it..... good for you. If you don't mind your SO doing it..... good for you.....I think it can cause problems and should be ironed out before jumping into marriage just like porn use can be an issue for some.

 

Also in some bars they get a "clothed dance with the girls" meaning they can pay to slow dance with a stripper in scant clothing... that does involve touching, holding hands, ect.... and in some places > private champagne rooms.....some things do happen.

 

a4a- let just say I have inside information

[Starling2003]

It depends on YOUR boundaries. We all have different boundaries. Me, personally, I would not accept my guy going to strip clubs. That's just me. I want him all to myself.

[elmejor]

I have been to strict places and seen a typical lap dance. I know what goes on at the "anything goes" places from reading a few posts on this site. But I know for sure my bf would never do anything like that with another girl, stripper or not...

 

REALLY? You must share how it is that you obtained such exceptional precognitive abilities! To know for sure that he would never cheat...that's remarkable.

[witabix]

My H feels the same way about me going to a all nude male dance bar. We both know neither would cheat. Neither of us cares for this sort of thing. So we just came to the conclusion that neither of us will participate in this sort of entertainment....

 

If you like it..... good for you. If you don't mind your SO doing it..... good for you.....I think it can cause problems and should be ironed out before jumping into marriage just like porn use can be an issue for some.

 

Also in some bars they get a "clothed dance with the girls" meaning they can pay to slow dance with a stripper in scant clothing... that does involve touching, holding hands, ect.... and in some places > private champagne rooms.....some things do happen.

 

a4a- let just say I have inside information

 

 

I am not a4a's H but the above would be exactly my take on it.

 

I wouldn't go because

 

1. Not interested.

2. My SO might have a problem with it.

3. I have no wish or need to put any negative thoughts in her head.

4. I 'bond' with my friends in a normal bar, or a good ole barn raising:D !

[Gia77]

REALLY? You must share how it is that you obtained such exceptional precognitive abilities! To know for sure that he would never cheat...that's remarkable.

 

How I know for sure? Cuz he loves me and respects me. AND because i was friends w/ him before we started dating..He is not sleezy and wasnt even into strip clubs when he was single and he is very honest.. Now could things happen regardless? Of course! even the people you don't ever expect to cheat on their SOs can still cheat. It doesnt have to happen at a strip club.. in fact its probably even easier for a guy to cheat at a regular bar where there are girls looking to hook up. Or for that matter your SO can be having an affair with someone at work..does this mean we should keep our SOs in cages so they dont have any interaction w/ the other sex? Of course not, while things can still happen we have to have faith.

[Gia77]

...and if we can't have faith w/ someone to let them out of our site, how can that be healthy? I trust him cuz he is such a good guy, and has values. Am i 100 percent sure nothing would ever happen? Is he 100 percent sure I would never cheat? Hmm, I'd say as much as we trust each other its hard to say that nothing could ever happen...even the best people make mistakes.. but like i said something can happen anywhere...what can do you?