Strip club- cheating?

[Toni_no12002]

Ive read something about that before.Its true to a certain extent but nowadays i think most people are too bothered about looks which is a shame.

 

I agree that you can fall in love with someone who isnt so good looking because of there personality and then they start to become more attractive to you.Im reading about psychology at the minute as in september im doing a course in it and people have done studies into attraction.It shows that good looking and not so good looking people always want to go out with the best looking person.Also that when people went on blind dates that the level of attractiveness in the person depended on wether they would get another date or not.Just shows that we are all quite shallow.

[MrsHellFire]

Catgirl,

 

Most strippers have no respect for themselves. That's why they are up there naked cause it makes them feel better about themselves to get attention from men. There is this guy who bragged about sleeping with a stripper. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's really not that big of a deal.. because if she slept with him who was one of her customers, chances are she slept with a truckload more. Makes neither of them too special, if you are one to value sex. Even if some do look perfect from the outside, a lot of them are totally screwed up in the inside. I mean a lot of excess baggage to carry around like being sexually abused in childhood or raped, etc and self-esteem issues.

 

You seem too shallow of a person with little self-esteem. If you are so concerned about your looks, it means you feel you have nothing else to offer this man. I think eventually he's going to get turned off by your attitude because it's not very attractive.

[Toni_no12002]

You seem too shallow of a person with little self-esteem. If you are so concerned about your looks, it means you feel you have nothing else to offer this man. I think eventually he's going to get turned off by your attitude because it's not very attractive.

 

 

If she is shallow mostly everyone else in the world is to.Everything nowadays is about looks.Im not suprised she is concerned with her looks because of the way beauty is rubbed in our faces 24/7.Look at all these magazines with celebs in.Stick thin.Then some people who are a size 10 get bitched about by saying there fat.Im not suprised people get down on themselves.Take charlotte church,they said she was fat in one of her videos!ha yea right.

 

I was obbsessed a while ago about my looks thought i was ugly and fat and bla bla.Doesnt mean i didnt have anything else to offer.Im a kind,friendly person.I just got down on myself because of the way people and magazines make you feel ugly.I dont know anyone who doesnt look at some model or something and think i wish i had her figure or her skin or something.

[catgirl1927]

You seem too shallow of a person with little self-esteem. If you are so concerned about your looks, it means you feel you have nothing else to offer this man. I think eventually he's going to get turned off by your attitude because it's not very attractive.

 

Wow. Nice flame. It must be nice to be perfect, you'll have to let me know what that's like.

[MrsHellFire]

Wow. Nice flame. It must be nice to be perfect, you'll have to let me know what that's like.

 

 

Stop being so obsessed over "perfection". It DOESN'T EXIST and the sooner you realize that, the better chance you have to living a normal life.

[MrsHellFire]

If she is shallow mostly everyone else in the world is to.Everything nowadays is about looks.Im not suprised she is concerned with her looks because of the way beauty is rubbed in our faces 24/7.Look at all these magazines with celebs in.Stick thin.Then some people who are a size 10 get bitched about by saying there fat.Im not suprised people get down on themselves.Take charlotte church,they said she was fat in one of her videos!ha yea right.

 

I was obbsessed a while ago about my looks thought i was ugly and fat and bla bla.Doesnt mean i didnt have anything else to offer.Im a kind,friendly person.I just got down on myself because of the way people and magazines make you feel ugly.I dont know anyone who doesnt look at some model or something and think i wish i had her figure or her skin or something.

 

It's a different story when these thoughts start controlling your life and become an obsession. Need to find something you are good at that brings up your confidence, besides just looking at magazines and obsessing over looks and models. Because nobody is going to be able to reach the perfection of airbrushing etc that you see in magazines.

[Ladylay]

I was wondering how many people thought that a guy who is in a committed relationship and occasionally goes to a strip club and gets a lap dance is cheating? My BF of almost 2 years rarely goes (just ocasional bachelor party/birthday party). I know he doesnt cheat and that the lap dances are nothing more than a stripper wiggling around in front of him- nothing as bad as the stories I read on this website. My female friends dont even seemed to be bothered by theyre boyfriends doing occasional stuff like this. After reading some posts I'm wondering if I should be upset? I never felt cheated on, but am I?

 

Go with him, I went to a strip club with my partner.

It was a fun night not seedy at all.

It's not cheating, for me it is no different than looking at porn.

Fantasy & reality are two different things.

[TeaCooler]

just for the record, some guys do behave differently in strip clubs when their significant others are present.

 

just musing. nice signature.

[Ladylay]

LOl I'm not that soft.

I do realise that, but I was being a nosey mare & wanted to see what the fuss was all about.

 

In London you are not allowed to touch the dancers, even during a lap dance. They have a strict no-touching policy, and very big bouncers [security guys]

[Toni_no12002]

It's a different story when these thoughts start controlling your life and become an obsession. Need to find something you are good at that brings up your confidence, besides just looking at magazines and obsessing over looks and models. Because nobody is going to be able to reach the perfection of airbrushing etc that you see in magazines.

 

I felt so ugly and worthless for ages.Its not just the magazines that cause such things its people to.I mean people you meet every day.

 

People seem to have a thing about looks nowadays.If you dont look a certain way ,you get bullied or picked on.Everyones done it.

 

Im not suprised people have turned out the way they have.Like obsessing over the way they look.Its everywhere.

 

I do agree that obsessing over the way you look is not good but ive been there and i know how it feels and why people feel that way.It doesnt mean your shallow.It just that its drummed into our heads that you have to be a certain way otherwise your ugly.

 

If you look up things like this in psychology you will find that humans are all actually very shallow.We all go on looks.Although some people might find one person atractive someone else might not.But we do go on the way people look.Our first impressions of someone goes on how they look.To one person they mIght look bitchy.So we wont talk to them.To someone else they might think they look friendly.So we will talk to them.

 

My point being is that you call this person shallow but really we all are!

[TeaCooler]

LOl I'm not that soft.

I do realise that, but I was being a nosey mare & wanted to see what the fuss was all about.

 

In London you are not allowed to touch the dancers, even during a lap dance. They have a strict no-touching policy, and very big bouncers [security guys]

 

haha, i don't think you're soft.

 

in america they mostly have no-touch policies. it's pretty much up to the individual owners whether they want to risk breaking code...and for the right price, a lot of them will.

[MrsHellFire]

I felt so ugly and worthless for ages.Its not just the magazines that cause such things its people to.I mean people you meet every day.

 

People seem to have a thing about looks nowadays.If you dont look a certain way ,you get bullied or picked on.Everyones done it.

 

Im not suprised people have turned out the way they have.Like obsessing over the way they look.Its everywhere.

 

I do agree that obsessing over the way you look is not good but ive been there and i know how it feels and why people feel that way.It doesnt mean your shallow.It just that its drummed into our heads that you have to be a certain way otherwise your ugly.

 

If you look up things like this in psychology you will find that humans are all actually very shallow.We all go on looks.Although some people might find one person atractive someone else might not.But we do go on the way people look.Our first impressions of someone goes on how they look.To one person they mIght look bitchy.So we wont talk to them.To someone else they might think they look friendly.So we will talk to them.

 

My point being is that you call this person shallow but really we all are!

 

Everyone is shallow to a CERTAIN EXTENT> but this woman is going overboard. She's going to end up driving her boyfriend nuts or maybe into someone elses arms.

 

She thinks that her boyfriend is going to hit some other woman's ass cause she doesn't look as good as a stripper and talking about getting "more surgery " done. COME ON NOW! It sounds like she feels all she has to offer this man and the only reason he's stayed with her was because of her looks and now because she's not up to perfection like she used to be, he's going to hit the highroad. If looks are the only thing keeping him in your bed, then he doesn't truly love you. And I'm sure she's going way overboard and just obsessing about all this garbage for nothing because there is probably more than just her beauty that is keeping this guy with her. At least I hope. Geesh.

[MrsHellFire]

Symmetry is more beautiful. My eyes are different shapes, I eventually want to get them fixed.

 

Please don't overdo it. It's probably not easy having surgery to reshape the eyes. You don't want to end up look like an alien. You are way too critical of yourself.

[Toni_no12002]

I agree that surgery is abit drastic.You can make your eyes more symmetrical with make up.

 

Maybe she could buy a book on confidence.I read a book on it and it made me feel better.

[loveheart59]

I find it really good to have a body role model. As I have a rare figure and everyone seems to be putting it down right now I have body role models like Cameron Diaz, Kylie and Anna Kournicova and remind myself that they have been voted in the top ten sexiest for at least five years:) !

 

The funny thing is most of my friends that I know who are naturally slim want to totally change their body and there frame to pear shape (Jennifer Lopez) or hourglass (Marylin Munroe). I guess accepting your shape as a slim person sometimes just as hard as when your bigger. Women with curly hair want straight hair and vice versa.

[catgirl1927]

OK, first of all, we're talking about people with confidence issues. This statement:

 

"I find it really good to have a body role model. As I have a rare figure and everyone seems to be putting it down right now I have body role models like Cameron Diaz, Kylie and Anna Kournicova and remind myself that they have been voted in the top ten sexiest for at least five years:) !"

 

Is not one made by someone with an issue with self confidence. Incidentally, Cameron Diaz, Anna Kournikova and Kyle Minogue have completely different body types, so I'm not sure what you look like but...

 

Everyone seems to think that each and every person who has plastic surgery is just like the crazy people they have seen on television who have a new surgery every week. Most plastic surgeons are decent, ethical doctors and will not allow that to happen. I have a really good surgeon who turns people away if he thinks they are getting the surgery for the wrong reasons, he sends them to a therapist who has to approve them for the surgery if he thinks they are having emotional problems. He doesn't need the money, so he has no problem telling someone no.

 

The book idea is fine, but if a therapist can't convince me beauty isn't important then I doubt a book can. And yes, you can do a lot with makeup, but I don't want to get out of the shower and have my boyfriend go, now who are you again?

 

I see women all the time who say, screw you, I think I'm sexy, I think I'm beautiful, pass the cheesecake. I applaud their confidence, I really do. But I was cursed with a very realistic view of what I look like. I will continue to work out, diet and do whatever I can to look my best.

 

I do have a problem with strippers, models, cheerleaders and other perfect people. I don't talk to him about it, though. I talk about it on message boards, because my lack of self confidence and low self esteem really aren't very attractive. I wish I could take a pill or have some therapy that would make me think I was a dead ringer for the 10 sexiest people in the world, but I've been looking for a while and haven't found it yet.

[barfool]

Hehe...I am sexy, I am beautiful and I love me some cheesecake!

 

I do have a realistic view of what I look like. I intimately know all of my wobbly bits. I know that my right eyebrow is lower than the left etc. etc. I just make a conscious decision to be happy with myself, however it is I look. If somebody doesn't like me because I'm not thin, why should I care? I'm the important one to me, not everyone else.

 

Yes, I would love to lose some weight and have a nice a$$ but I don't let my happiness depend on these things. The most important thing in my life is my mental well-being.

[catgirl1927]

Hehe...I am sexy, I am beautiful and I love me some cheesecake!

 

I do have a realistic view of what I look like. I intimately know all of my wobbly bits. I know that my right eyebrow is lower than the left etc. etc. I just make a conscious decision to be happy with myself, however it is I look. If somebody doesn't like me because I'm not thin, why should I care? I'm the important one to me, not everyone else.

 

Yes, I would love to lose some weight and have a nice a$$ but I don't let my happiness depend on these things. The most important thing in my life is my mental well-being.

 

This is wonderful and healthy, I'm very happy for you. This is the way everyone SHOULD feel.

[loveheart59]

Is not one made by someone with an issue with self confidence. Incidentally, Cameron Diaz, Anna Kournikova and Kyle Minogue have completely different body types, so I'm not sure what you look like but...

.

 

I think you'll find Cameron Diaz, Anna and Kylie all have small hips, small bums and small chests (although Im ok on that front). I suppose Im most like Kylie and If I was a person with loads of self confidence then I wouldnt have to reassure myself that men find some women with my body shape attractive.

 

Everywhere I turn theres "real women" this and "real women that", "real women have curves" s**t. I do have curves but obviously not in the proportion they (magazines) seem to talk about. Loving yourself is a decision not a genuine feeling. I know for a fact Jennifer Lopez and beyonce (it girls) had problems with body image when they were younger but now shout the "real women message". There comes a point where you just click and say "OK this is what Ive got, how do I make the best of it". Its less of a love for your body and more an acceptance of your basic body type.

 

I read somwhere that women look at their bodies on a part by part basis and men just look at a whole. The problem with being a woman is you look in the mirror and zone in on one thing which leads to paranoia.

[loveheart59]

.

 

It's just really not fair. I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I'm told I should be confident enough not to care, but what does that really mean? That I shouldn't care that he'd rather have sex with them?

.

 

Who told you not to care:( ! Its nobodys business to tell you not to care. I would definately not like my boyfriend to go and I like myself to some extent. Although its not as popular with the people I hang out with as Americans.

 

The funny thing is the double standard. Most men feel uncomfortable when their women fancy men or look at naked men who have better bodies than them. Also women have to be careful when buying vibrators as not to get a big Black Mamba when he's a chipolata. Men get just as jealous as women (if not more!) but because of they way society is, its usually the women who has to put up with men oogling women on videos, magazines, billboards, stip clubs, pop singers and porn. Theyre not used to the boot being on the other foot.

 

If you start up a conversation with your girlfriends in front of men about six packs, big d**ks and Brad Pitt looks you can actually see them getting self concious:laugh: .

[catgirl1927]

I think you'll find Cameron Diaz, Anna and Kylie all have small hips, small bums and small chests (although Im ok on that front).

 

I don't think Kylie has a small butt, at least not by American standards. She has a beautiful body, though, and very well proportioned. I think Cameron Diaz has a very long, lanky body, and Anna is muscular and toned. Cameron might look more like Anna if she worked out. I think of them as totally different! But it's all in the perception. I really wish I could look at a celebrity and feel like I had a body like them, but no one famous is built like me, at least not with all this extra weight on me. I feel like if I say, this is what I have and I just have to live with it, that's me accepting failure and giving up.

[MrsHellFire]

Sorry, I never meant to imply that people who have plastic surgery are crazy, but with your obsession, I am afraid you'd take it too far.

Just be careful..

[loveheart59]

Kylie has teeny cute bum http://www.caingraim.info/Models_5/kylie_minogue_5.jpg.

I suppose the common denominator for me Is the have pretty small hips which is quite rare and 2 of them are "noodle" shaped. Im not totally noodle shaped coz I have boobs and a bum but Im petite, pretty small boned and cute hence I look to Kylies fashion:) .

 

Last time I looked size 6 in America was "perfect". In England most girls are size 10 (America 6) and they look pretty fantastic so Im not sure... I think you may have body dysmorphia because you definately cant be fat!

 

If your boyfriend fell in love with you the way you looked Im pretty sure he wont be bothered about surgery to your eyes. And what I said before about accepting your shape, what I acually said was to accept the basic body shape you have. Then work around it and make it the best you can make it with exercise if you need to, wear the right clothes to balance you out etc... Instead of looking to other women who have a completely different body shape and wanting to look like them. Thats what makes you depressed.

[Delectable]

I can't believe this discussion. I have valued advice from many of you and it is so disgusting that intelligent women are bickering over airbrushed, computer enhanced, digitally altered pictures of women who have had plastic surgery to get that way.

 

ew!

 

I never had more respect for charlize theron when a reporter asked how she got her body from North Country to Aeon Flux and she looked flatly at him and said,"Plastic Surgery...that is what we all do..(with added sarcasm) am I letting some big hollywood secret out of the bag? I hope the women of America know we do this under the knife for money"

[MrsP]

I do not feel pretty, perfect or particularly desirable 98% of my day (except from my toddler and pre-schooler if that counts), but my husband has said that (this time) he'll stop going to strip clubs if I have sex with him "more". I read from some of these sites that the "view" is most important to men at these clubs but so is the illusion of readiness and willingness for sex (what more could you need than a splayed-leg hottie focused for two songs on just you... for a cool $50). So, EVERY night (and every possible morning too) I put on my latest fashion from whoever's secret, placard my eyelids with mascara, brush bronzer cream over my body and jump on him like he's the most wanted man in America. He appreciates the performance, and all my flaws seem to be forgiven when he's 3 minutes away from coming. You better believe I get that silk robe on before he recovers, but something about his thinking with his little head finally works in my favor. Now I also lost 60 pounds after delivering our second child (alas, I can't get below my sz6) and I dress more like a Desperate Housewife than the Mom look I used to sport, but I am way way way way far from perfect. Of course, my dear hubby has still broken his promise at least once that I know of, but MAKING yourself feel pretty for at least that 10 minutes may provide a start for building your confidence.