Thinking of doing something potentially stupid.

[jonny87]

Okay, here's some background on my situation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t79800/

 

I think this is a little different than everyone else's situation because we didn't really go out for very long. (That might disqualify any chance to begin with) And, I realize that the chances of this working out are a bit of a stretch, but I don't think the "no contact" policy is really the best thing in this situation. Hear me out.

 

Here's a bit of an instant message conversation we had a couple of months ago (I've changed the names to protect the "innocent"):

 

Tom: What should I do differently when the next girl that pretends to have a crush on me comes along? I mean, you've obviously gotten over whatever feelings you might have had; help me to get over mine. I don't want to waste any more of my life waiting for something that's not going to happen.

 

Sara: Then stop. Stop waiting.

 

Tom: Just tell me where I screwed up.

 

Sara: Tom, it isn't one specific thing.

Sara: You just stopped being you.

Sara: Altogether.

Sara: Just don't fake it whenever someone tells you how they feel.

Sara: Dont' clam up.

Sara: Don't stop being you.

Sara: And you'll be fine.

 

Sara: You haven't been "you" in . . err. . . longer than I can remember.

Sara: The past few days have been better but. .

Sara: You're still not you.

 

Tom: how am I different?

Tom: how did I "fake it"?

 

Sara: You stopped being you. That is the only way I can describe it.

Sara: You started caring whether or not you were gonna hurt my feelings.

 

Tom: that's a bad thing?

 

Sara: Yeah, because that was the Tom before. . the Tom now won't say the silly **** that he use to to make me laugh because it might hurt my feelings.

 

Tom: no, that's not why

 

Sara: Now you just keep asking about this crap and it annoys the snot out of me.

 

Tom: it's not because I think it might hurt your feelings

Tom: I sometimes feel resentment toward you and I don't enjoy being around you anymore

Tom: I'v always been the same person, I just get depressed sometimes

 

Sara: Everyone's depressed, no one wants to be burdened by someone elses problems.

Sara: Especially if they're caused by that persron.

 

Tom: my problems are not caused by you, if that's what you mean

Tom: making people laugh is one of the few things that makes me not depressed

 

Sara: Then be you again!

 

(oh, by the way...the thing about not wanting to be burdened by someone else's problems was in response to a really dumb e-mail I sent her basically telling her how much she had hurt me and how depressed I was about it and how she had ruined my life)

 

Now, I know I probably said everything possible to screw this up, but some of the stuff she said still kind of haunts me. I really don't want to read anything into it (too late ), but I almost feel like she was giving me a hint or something. I'm probably wrong though.

 

Anyway, my possibly stupid plan/idea has to do with showing her that I'm still the same funny, charming guy that used to make her laugh and cheer her up. If I'm in "NC", then I can't really do that. What I'm thinking about doing is occasionally dropping by the store where I used to work, and where she still works, to see, not just her but some of my other friends that still work there. And, well, turning the charm on again full blast. I'm not saying everyday, but maybe once every couple of weeks or so. And just to say hi and maybe chat for a few minutes with her. And not act bitter, or mad, or resentful, or pressure her about anything, or bring up the past, or anything like that. I don't know if this is a plan that may backfire or not. Any thoughts suggestions?

 

(wow, this was really long. sorry!)

[clandestinidad]

Uuummm....I hate to be the bearer of bad news, here.......it sounds like she's already decided that she doesnt like you in that way anymore. It doesnt sound like she's wavering about it either. She seems very sure about it.

 

That said, I think you should forget about trying to convince her that she likes you again. Its not going to work, and it will be a waste of your time.

 

When someone has decided that they dont like you anymore, theres nothing you can do to change their mind. Think about something you dont like to eat. Do you think that if you eat it every so often you will start liking it? Probably not, because for one reason or another you just dont like it.

 

I hope that you arent hurt by what I'm saying. Sometimes I'm not very soft in my approach, and I'm sorry if it causes you pain to read. I just wanted to help you open your eyes to what is going on.

 

You sound like a great guy. Very caring. I hope that you can let this silly girl go. You should be with someone who still loves you and cares about you whenever you go through sadness, depression, or any other 'changes'. Thats when someone truly loves you, and thats who you should spend your time on.

[jonny87]

Yeah, I guess the truth hurts sometimes.

 

I guess I'm just trying to justify holding onto some kind of hope. I don't know. I'm not really planning on maintaining a friendship with her. I'd like to, but I'm just not able to do that. It would be too hard. All I wanted to do in this case was maybe leave with a good impression so that she would remember me that way, instead of as the whiny, pouty, bitter guy I became. Just in case.

[chocolate_boy]

It just sounds like you're not the guy she thought you were. That's no bad thing though, you should never try and change who you are to make someone like you. You deserve better than that, please just let her go completely. You will be just fine in a month or two.

[jerbear]

Yeah, I guess the truth hurts sometimes.

 

I guess I'm just trying to justify holding onto some kind of hope. I don't know. I'm not really planning on maintaining a friendship with her. I'd like to, but I'm just not able to do that. It would be too hard. All I wanted to do in this case was maybe leave with a good impression so that she would remember me that way, instead of as the whiny, pouty, bitter guy I became. Just in case.

 

She just doesn't seem to be into you anymore. The whiny, pouty, bitter guy is not very appealing. The full charm at her work place may just end up being futile. It is ok to talk to your friends but don't go there because of her.

 

If you want to leave a good impression, be yourself, dress in a suit, get a haircut, do something YOU WANT TO DO; and just be friendly as a stranger.