What is normal??

[sassy]

I am curious about what a normal sex life is. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and in that time we have gone from having sex nearly every day, to only once a week...and sometimes not even that. I have tried to get him to talk to me about this, and he always has an excuse, he's tired, stressed etc.

 

Should I be worried about this?

[Ed]

In order to find out what is "normal", you would have to look at the statistics from scientific studies done on the subject. The statistics are complicated and prone to error. But really, is knowing what is "normal" going to make you feel any better about this? What I mean is - if you discover that you are having sex more than average, compared to other couples - are you going to all of a sudden by happy about it?

 

Determine for yourself if you are happy with the amount of sexual activity you have with your boyfriend. Forget the "norms". It may be above average, below average, better than it used to be or worse than it used to be in terms of "norms". All that matters is if you can be happy with the situation.

 

I think more than anything, you just want to know if it's OK for you to want sex more often. Well, I think that it would be safe to say, you are in good company. I think many people want sex more often. However, I don't think it is uncommon for sexual activity to decrease over time, no matter how much each partner wants it. Anyway, all this leads up to this question, "What do I do if I am not having sex as often as I would like to?" That can be a real problem if you are in a committed relationship. It just depends on how committed you are, how flexible each partner is and how much emphasis each person puts on sexual frequency in the relationship.

 

You certainly have the right to request sex as often as you want. But, you already know, just because you ask for it does not mean you will get it. If you are committed to making this relationship work, you will have to find another way to approach the subject. Maybe some other people here can give you some ideas. I would suggest doing some internet searches and going to a bookstore or library to learn what you can about sex, sexuality and relationships and go from there.

 

I don't know if this helps any. I am not going to tell you "you are right and he is wrong" or "he is right and you are wrong" or some other combination. All you can do is give this a fair amount of time and try to work it out.

 

Good luck.