LostintheCapital Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 OK, here's the story. I met this girl a few years ago. We talked a lot, hung out a few times, got to know each other, always in the company of mutual friends. When schooling put us a different ends of the world, we kept in communication. Eventually, I confessed to her that I had a thing for her, and she in turn told me the same. We agreed that when we lived closer, we would pursue a relationship. Well, it's now 4 years later and finally, we live in the same city. Here's the problem: While I had my heart set on taking a chance on a relationship, she said that her feelings were gone, and that she didn't think they would return. I accepted this, as it HAD been a few years, and we became even closer friends. She's been through 2 breakups since we've lived close-by, and each time has come to me for advice \ comfort. I've always been there, as a friend. Now, however, I've been forced to accept the harsh reality: I've fallen even harder for her. Everything that she complains about her boyfriends to me about are things that I know would never be a problem between us in a relationship. So many times, I've wanted to tell her to just leave the guy that's mistreating her and be with me. To let me make her the happiest woman alive. This girl is the girl of my dreams, and all she sees me as is a great friend and a relationship confident. I've shot myself in the foot several times, telling her that if she thinks she will be happy with the guy, to stay with him. This is genuine: I only want for her to do what will make her the happiest. Why won't she see that being with me could make her happier than she's ever been??? Lost in the Capital Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I admire your ability to encourage someone you care for deeply without feeling like you want to take away their happiness for the moment and future. Be patient - when the time seems right - you may be able to express yor feelings for the future as you get older. My younger sister had a similar situation with her now husband of 13 years - her husband is one of the best husbands you could want to see. They grew up together playing catch in the front yard - once they got past the fact that they were no longer ten years old - and that they had similar values and common goals as they were adults, they realized they were deeply in love with each other. They are a wonderful couple with two girls. Be patient, and be honest with the fact that you want to enjoy her company now that you are close by... Most people just want to be loved by a caring and compassionate person. hint hint... Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I'm currently in that mode right now with NC with someone i've known / chasing for 5 years. Each successive time over the years, withering barriers down. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80715/ Anyway, her two best girlsfriends and even me; said a caring and compassionate man can actually make it. Read some of "Break ups and reconcilliation" posts to get some ideas. I even said I am the man for her. It may require a bold and assertive step to break out of the mold. Sometimes the step backfires. I feel you may have fallen into the friend bucket which may require a few things for you to get you out. Only she can take you out of the bucket. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hmmm, it is good that you are being there as her friend and it is good that you have the respect for her to assist her in her current relationships. The only thing I think you can do is continue being the "ideal" man for her and hope that she realizes it. This is, of course, assuming that she understands how you feel. And I mean since the long departure and this whole friends period. It sholuld be possible that you guys can be friends with the understanding that one of you may ba harboring some deeper feelings. This is my opinion though and I am one to think communication is key on every level! Blah blah blah Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 This is, of course, assuming that she understands how you feel. And I mean since the long departure and this whole friends period. It sholuld be possible that you guys can be friends with the understanding that one of you may ba harboring some deeper feelings. This is my opinion though and I am one to think communication is key on every level! Blah blah blah I need to hang around barfool more often. I do believe communications is key to every relationship, being able to say how you feel and not be judged on it. I was thinking of breaking NC (she suggested it) and work on a friendship even when I told her I have deeper feelings than what she has for me. Last 5 years I've tried to exceed her expectations and be near her. So now it came down to age, which she has to decide. thereby the NC. Anyway my predicatment is on another thread call NC Predicament. Link to post Share on other sites
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