jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Last night I cried myself to sleep, thinking about him, longing for him. And when I woke up I was still crying. WTF! What is wrong with me. When will these horrible feelings stop? Why am I such an effing mess? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 You're an effing mess because you're so in touch with your feelings that they're crowding out everything else in your life. By all means, honour the feelings and learn from the pain. But remember that the memories and the feelings associated with them are there for you, they need not control every single aspect of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Jen.. your just heart broken.. it gets better.. You have to make a conscience effort to think about other things.. try and sink yourself into a new project Force yourself into going out if you can.. I don't mean dating I mean just going out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 30, 2006 Author Share Posted January 30, 2006 the feelings associated with them are there for you, they need not control every single aspect of your life. too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 30, 2006 Author Share Posted January 30, 2006 AC, I do try. Every time I go out in public I see something that reminds me, or I see another couple holding hands, and I lose it. Completely lose it. And I start sobbing. A woman came up to me the other day in a store and asked me if I was alright....that's how messed up I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I feel for you Jen! All I can say is that time will help you - You have to feel these feelings to be able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and feel ok again! And you WILL feel ok again baby! Just keep posting and talking to friends and you will heal darling! My thoughts are with you! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Don't know if this helps but when I was at my absolute lowest and heartbroken and had given up all hope, that's when I met my husband. It could be that that loser was your last bad boyfriend. Don't open up your heart too fast next time. Let the next one prove to you that he's worth it. You'll be ok. We've all been through it and we all come out of it the better for it. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 jen_jen, when my ex-husband and I divorced it took me a good year to start feeling better. I took it horribly and spent a good amount of time in the darkness of my bedroom crying. I never thought it would get any better, but it did, and I can't believe it took that long. I had no self-esteem and couldn't enjoy doing much of anything. I stop talking to people except close friends and rarely left my house. Obviously I was in a depression, but I never got on meds. I worked through it with time. After awhile of being like this, I knew I had to do something, so I started off going for a walk every day. It helped clear my mind. After I got in that routine, I joined the gym and started to feel better slowly, but still had complete dark days. Then I got addicted to shopping and than really helped to pull me out. What I'm trying to tell you is to take it one step at a time, but take that step every day. The pain will go away, but it can take some time. We have all been through it, some worse than others, but we all survived. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Jen, I feel for you. It takes time, but have you really accepted that it's over? I mean truly sat down and had a heart to heart with yourself? What did it for me, what helped me move on was the simple fact of how indifferent she was to me. I sat there and said "Damn, I deserve better than this!" You're a great person and there will be other men. As long as you continue to harbor resentment and wonder about him it will make the healing process take much longer that it should. Write down all the bad things about him on a piece of paper and whenever you think about what happened or are missing him, refer to the bad things. That will help get him off the pedestle. Hang out with friends. Engross yourself in hobbies and start excercising at least 2 hours a day. The endorphins will help you feel better. Take tylenol PM if you are having a hard time sleeping. You may consider going to counceling and/or getting a perscrption for anti-depressants. I took them after my mom died and they helped. I got off them after the perscription ran out because I finally decided that I loved and respected myself enough that she didn't deserve any of my time. And if you need to, go find a FWB. I know that sounds shallow but a lot of the time what we miss is the intimacy, not necessarily the person. Link to post Share on other sites
manders_01 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 we miss is the intimacy, not necessarily the person. IMO so, SO true. I had a particularly hard time getting over one ex. It was totally because of the amount of time we spent together, not really him. I was able to recognize it and use that knowledge when I was feeling especially low about the break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 How long has it been? If this has been going on for months, it's time to see someone to help you through the grief. And this may have triggered old leftover issues that need to be addressed now so you have compounded grief. Behavioral cognitive therapy is a big help. I'm sorry you hurt so bad. Hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hugs to you ...Sorry Jen that you are having a hard time but i promise it will get better!! Just think like Touche she was recovering from a break up and met her h!! I firmly believe everything happens for a reason .. It's his loss and someone else's gain!! If you need someone to talk to im here pm me anytime.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Thanks Lil. Right now I feel like the world is such a cruel place. I've never been one to throw around "I love you"s unless I really mean it. And I've never abandoned someone I love. Not ever. I've said it four times in my entire life (plus to dear friends who I still know and care about), and I meant it each time. And each time those men left me. My husband of nearly nine years left me for another woman. Then my fiance left me when I was pregnant. Then a boyfriend left me after a year for his old grad school friend. And now this one. I really have a hard time understanding how people can throw around the L word without meaning business. I feel like I can never again trust any man who says that word to me. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I don't understand it either Jen_Jen. I wish I did. I wish I had an answer to help you. (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Thanks KC. Hugs do help...even virtual ones. Link to post Share on other sites
7on Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Brew a nice cup of herbal tea and dance in your room by yourself. couldn't hurt ;P (recommends Safety Dance by Men Without Hats) Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Jen Jen, I responded to you in CaliGuy's thread...I posted a link for you below. -Rio http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=696474&postcount=25 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 This sucks. I saw him in his window last night, and the sight of him was a terrible setback. I cannot stop sobbing. My eyes are a red horrible mess, and I don't know how I'm supposed to go to work like this. Why the hell does he have to live next door? It just makes things so much worse for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoffrey Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Look for little "healing moments" in your life. I had one last Sunday when I had a talk with my oldest son (he's 9) alone about why my ex GF and I broke up and daddy moved out. I explained about how sometimes it's best to be in a different place alone than to be in a place where there is trouble and heartbreak, even though there is an adjustment period afterward. Somehow, explaining it to him so that he understood it (and he did) was like someone explaining it to me....and it helped me make sense of it too, evena after I had over-analyzed it to death myself. And I actually felt better afterward, since I had been pretty down all weekend. Look for them in the little, out-of-the-way places, they aren't usually sitting right in front of you. But they are definitely there! Get going....and good luck, dear. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 When will these horrible feelings stop? when you stop dwelling on this issue. multiple postings on LS about this isn't helping you either... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 You post all you want and know that Lilmoma is here if you need a friend!! No wonder you believe that men are jerks ,you been hurt alot and it is understandable alot of let down .. broken relationships will do it.. Sorry for your pain and again im here if you need me!! Been cheated on before and know how it feels .. I still having a hard time forgiving even though still with the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 when you stop dwelling on this issue. multiple postings on LS about this isn't helping you either... You know what? f*** you. I'm done here. Link to post Share on other sites
soar eyes Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Jen Jen, I don't know what his motive is but alphamale said what 3 other people in this post have said to me but in a different tone. There are so many ways that we can keep beating ourselves to a pulp. I have done it and still am in a lesser degree doing that everyday I wake up thinking about him. I don't really know you, but its harder some days than others. If it makes you feel better I'm a real case. Its been 3-4 years since my breakup with my ex and I'm still hurting but its not as bad as 1 year ago. The small peices to my healing fit into the big picture everyday. I realize something new about who I am and look forward to tomorrow. That is what is helping me lately. I have started taking music lessons at my age. But it gives me something to look forward to. I am forming new relationships and as my music teacher said that it is an avenue to a different social setting. It may not be music for you but I suggest that you create something in your life that you will benefit from learning. Because when you have to learn about something new and your heart is in it, that may take up some of the time that you are thinking about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Don't know if this helps but when I was at my absolute lowest and heartbroken and had given up all hope, that's when I met my husband. It could be that that loser was your last bad boyfriend. Don't open up your heart too fast next time. Let the next one prove to you that he's worth it. You'll be ok. We've all been through it and we all come out of it the better for it. Hang in there! This was my experience too. I was actually at Starbucks and I'd been crying over my separation when I met the man who would eventually become my husband. You know what? Now I look back and reflect on that marriage, and I realize that I never really had what I thought I did. What I have now is so much better. Yet, if it would have never happened or if it wouldn't have happened exactly at that time, I would have never met the man that is now my husband. The planets were aligned perfectly. It could happen to you. I think you're depressed as well Jen. Have you seen a therapist?? Please consider doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
panzer6 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Im sorry you are suffering so much but i understand what you are going through. Being abandoned by someone you truly love can only be described as horrific. You have to look at the relationships you have had and try to see if there are any common traits that they share. When we breakup we are scarred emotionally and some people will pursue the same type of person who hurt us before. These patterns are hard to break because we are seeking these people out from a subconcious level. I know people in abusive relationships who left their spouse only to hook up with another person as bad or worse than the previous one. If we can somehow recognize these tendencies within ourselves we may be able to break the cycle and somehow rationalize our past failed relationships. The pain will always be there, it is part of you. But by understanding your relationships and realising why they fail you may be able to get a glimpse at what motivates you towards these types of people. I know you are hurting and I feel for you, believe me i do. Link to post Share on other sites
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