coasting Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 It's been ten weeks since he walked out the door leaving me the note on the table. It still seems like it was just yesterday. Not a day goes by where I do not think of him. I see him at work. I see him as he drives by the house. Today was the first time I heard his voice on the phone since he left.(I only heard because we work in the same hospital and he called to the emergency room on a work related incident.) It killed me. At first thee was a moment of silence and then he spoke. I know I deserve so much better for myself, but why does my heart ache for him so much? I know if he were to call me or text me and ask me if we could get together to talk or anything at this point I really think I would break down and give in. How do I stop this aching feeling for him? Link to post Share on other sites
PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Wow...I'm so sorry for your pain! Here's the thing. You work with him! That is what makes it even harder. For my heart ache I had to leave the place where we lived toghether...Every time I'd go home and walk in it reminded me of him. The bathroom, the area, even the same social gatherings we use to go to. I stopped going to these places and I moved. I sold half of the furniture we bought toghether, I re-arranged my apartment. Everything had to change. I don't know if it was the right thing, but it did help, kinda. When I moved out into my new place, now I was just lonely and missed him. VERY MUCH! Your wounds are still fresh so it's hard right now I know. You need to think about what can make you better and stronger and believe me...it's not going back to him if he were to come back to you. Again I'm sorry. It will get better and time is all you have now. Keep yourself busy, motivitated, after work, go out and be around family and closed loved friends for they will help. Be around positive enviorment! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 RE: whisnimz: " How do I stop this aching feeling for him? " Answer: In Stages. Exactly the way you fell in love, in the first place. And, although, by comparison, your recovery from the pain you feel may bear some common similarities to the recovery of others, your own individual set of break-up circumstances, as well as other important information about you, will determine how long that will take. Factoring into the length of your very own personal recovery time are some very basic considerations such as: the overall state of your mental, emotional, and physical health before the break-up, your background schemata, (your life experiences from birth until now), and your learned responses, thus far, in coping with traumatic experiences, -including 'acquired' behavior such as your habits, both the 'good' and the 'bad' ones. Having said all this, it would seem ridiculous to, then, set a specific date for you to be 'rid of the ache' from a broken heart, -but depending on how well you know yourself, you can ,instead, have a very good idea of how long you will allow yourself to remain 'broken.' Whisnimz, much in the same way as you fell in love with your partner, you will 'fall out of love'. Breaking up is love in reverse with the emergency brakes on. I have referred to the painful stages of letting go in this forum before, as driving your car backwards, -but with the emergency brakes on: you don't want to let go and you allow your emotions to keep dragging you backwards. But, at some point, before you do severe damage to yourself, your will to live happily again will kick in, and you'll let off the brake, for your own self-survival. It's only when you have finally exhausted all the fantastical thoughts of the hopes of being reunited, and hit 'rock bottom' , so to speak, that you let off the brake, assess the damage, fix what needs fixing, put your car back in forward gear, and slowly begin to make some noticeable progress. Right now, if you were in a healthy mental state to begin with, you are very much in control of what you do, and the choices you make, and even if your emotions seem to be in charge, swinging from anger-to-love-to-agony, there are 'windows' of cognizant realization happening between the seemingly constant thoughts which give you opportunity to view glimpses of your future well-being. Grab those opportunities. The more you entertain them, the more they will come. So invite them. Try imagining yourself successfully going through the heart ache, taking back control of your life, and coming out on the other side of it, stronger, wiser, -and happy. Because you will. (Smile) Take care. -Rio Below are some Links I think may be good for you. I sincerely hope they help. Here are the Links: Break-up: Getting T-H-R-O-U-G-H I-T!!! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=666271&postcount=1 The Physiology of Love Emotions http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=690284&postcount=1 Delayed Post-Break-Up Emotional Responses http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80714/ Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Hope things are getting better. Post an update whenever you are ready. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted February 4, 2006 Author Share Posted February 4, 2006 Thanks Rio, The smile is always there and even more so when he is around......I can't let him know that I am hurting so much. Like us all I am having my good days and my bad days. Getting the mixed signals from him, but am trying to make the best of it all. Hanging out with the friends and just taking things at my own pace as you said. The aching doesn't disappear but it does get masked when I am out and about and I guess that is all a part of the healing process. I have had plenty of boyfriends in the past but I can honestly say I have never experienced this much pain after the break up. Valentine's Day would have been our anniversaru and I am sure it will be hard,but I plan On buying myself flowers and a card from the cats and if an invitation comes along from friends then I will go, but as for celebrating it with another man I just am not able to do that yet. I know it mayne wrong and it be one way to start the healing quicker but that is one day I will always hold close at heart for the ex! Is this wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 It's neither right or wrong, but it does sound painful. It will ease with time and effort, tho. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
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