My girlfriend cheated on me but i want to stay with her...I think

[alaskan07]

PART ONE: BACKGROUND INFORMATION

 

I am astudent at a university in Alaska planning to enroll at the University of Washington within a year or so. My girlfriend of two years who is just a little younger than I, is also a student at the same school. We met long before our relationship started, and had always been really close friends. We talked constantly and connected incredibly well (undeniably felt by both of us, several times it felt so strong we began to talk alot about a relationship and how well we work together). I had wanted to get involved with her during the time that we talked often, but I stopped trying for a time and she started seeing a guy. When she broke up with him to supposedly "date me", I had already become involved with another girl while I was waiting for her.

Naturally, we fell distant for a short few months while i focused on this girl, but the relationship with the girl i met failed due to psychological issues on both our parts (I fell into a short but deep depression and our personalities began to clash so often that we decided it was time to call it off) and we went our separate ways.

Within a couple of months subsequent to the break-up, I was noticeably much better mentally, physically, and socially from increased excersize, seeing various therapists and psychiatrists. I started talking to who would later become my present girlfriend, (the one who cheated), again and right off the bat, I started feeling really strongly for her. I tried not to jump into a relationship because it was still so soon after my recent break-up, but i couldnt stop the course of events that followed and we quickly got involved.

Her home life was bad and her parents treated her badly, not physically, but verbally, and usually led her to believe that she was always wrong, and that she didn't have much support there. So I came into contact with this when we got together and it became alot of the basis of the strength of our relationship because my parents had always raised me openly and with alot of support so I kept the same attitude towards her and we kept a really gritty sense of trust and truth, no matter what it pertained to, it was always very real and loving.

For the first month, It was as I had expected, she was amazing to me and I was making a lot of money where I was working so i was taking her out every night and we didn't leave eachother's side, but not only did it look good and feel good physically, we talked so often and on so many subjects we agreed on, not for the sake of agreement, but really agreed because our lives are in many ways very similar. But then i became slightly self-doubtful and sad, which didn't help becasue she is a very outgoing girl and when i became sad, I got jealous and I didnt want to take out the jealousy and sadness on her and her lifestyle becasue I respected her. So I called for a break and she sadly agreed because she understood my situation.

 

PART TWO: THE STORY

 

Litterally within the few hours between me breaking it off, and when I decided that my mental problem was naive and stupid and It wouldn't last and we got back together; she had already "cheated" on me. --Now, I am careful to call this cheating, becasue we were broken up, but it was so soon after that it seemed to me the same disregard for my feelings and obvious ability to cast off even only a month, but a really passionate month, put it in that category. It was with a much older guy, but the cheating was only a kiss and he had tried to go further and she had stopped him, so i fed off that, believing that there was a scrap of remorse in her actions, still staying with her after i learned of it later that day.

Fast forward, almost two years later, the relationship is as strong as ever, almost everyone I know had hit on my girlfriend because she is very attractive (not bragging, sometimes i wonder how i got her). But she had turned them down steadfast. Of course the normal tension came up every once in a while, but overall it was very complete and trusting, and I had quickly regained my trust becasue of the trusting climate plus, I was with her almost every day and when i wasn't, we live in a pretty small city, so if something was happening behind my back, I'd probably find out.

During christmas break, she went with her family on vacation to Mazatlan, Mexico to stay at a hotel on the beach and relax. Shortly after getting there, she met up with another family that they knew from where we live who happened to be there. The son of the family, who is a couple years older than I and has always been a lady killer, befriended my girlfriend because they knew eachother, but then my girlfriends usually anal and angry parents who wouldnt let me keep her out past 11 when she lived with them at the end of highschool, began trying to get her out on the town with him, especially her mom who didn't like that her trophy daughter was with an average dude like me. He took her to the bars and the first time they went, they kissed in a hottub afterward. She told me this before christmas and acted sad, effectively ruining my christmas and making me out of my mind with jealousy at the worst time. After we both got home from our respective trips, i picked her up and something seemed different, she was overly affectionate, very sexually aroused, and seemed very happy, i half expected it to be her trip and the relaxation, but it hit me, no one just kisses the guy that she said she "kissed". I knew it before she had let on one bit. Like second nature. Uncanny.

So I guessed at it, and she just crumbled. Crying and screaming, but I was older and wiser and I didn't fall for it at first, but then I got every nasty unbearable detail out of her, and after all I heard, if there was more, then a mexican camera team or something crazy must have jumped in because what she told me was very, very explicit and I think is the entire truth.

What happened is that she did only kiss him the first night in the hottub and she turned him down from more, but then they went out one more time and nothing happened, but the third time, which i forgot up until this point, but is salt in the wound, it was her birthday, and she went out with him, danced with him and from waht she told me, at the point that she was sloshed and dancing, it all came together and she followed him to his room. I wont go further here except to say that the events taht followed happened in many different places in the room and for a while, which means taht she had millions of chances from the day he kissed her in the hottub until the second he walked her home on her birthday night after everything happened to stop this from happening. which means only one point I'm sure of: she wanted him badly and didnt stop herself, instead catering to him and making it easier for him to get what he wanted from her.

Now, its been a month, I go from hating her and breaking up with her, to letting her back when shes at my door crying and loving her. I dont know what to do, I think I love her still, but I'm so confused, I dont know what I like anymore, I feel horribly indecisive due to loss of self-confidence, and I dont know whether she does love me and it was a mistake, or if she is inherantly much more devious and untrustworthy than i could expect. I dont want to turn into the bitter hater of humanity, because I do love people and especially women in general which i know arent all or even for the most part comprised of women like this. What Should I Do? Any Help?

[don't have one]

everyone makes mistakes.. i know you did when you made out with lourdes and sammy that night, drunken or not drunken it's wrong. we all mess up sometimes and i know she loves you

 

give her another chance

[jaf]

give her another chance.. sammy and lourdes were no exception for you.

[Anonymous]

Well from what I read I think you should stay with her and work it out. You seem to love her deerly and you show that you want to be with her...if you want to be with her be with her work it out. I too have cheated and I have never felt so much pain in my life. I wanted to run myself off the road to free everyone from all the pain that I have caused them.

 

I suffered and I am still suffering and i know that the people that I caused pain suffer and suffer more greatly than I and there is nohting I can do, but still love them with all of my heart because I do. I truely do no matter what I have done. You can say you haven't done something that would make your lover think you don't love them. You're not alone in this, and it is great that you posted this. I'm sure you will get a lot of feed back.

 

But, I say work it out there are many things to help and there are many to help make it happy in the end whether you two are together or not. But no matter what I hope you two are happy in the end becuase nothing is better than happiness. Life sucks and people make it suck and I believe that every person in the world can be stupid and yet smart and people need to start making life more happy and changing things for the better and not for the worst even if the worst has happened to them.

 

Because in the end you know you're the better person and you know you were there even if you have done bad things you can always be a good person. There is a good person inside every single human on this earth. Even if they ahve cheated or killed someone or committed suicide or have done the worst. Anyways, I hope things get better for you.

[Seana]

Hi, this the horrible girlfriend that has cheated this man that I love dearly. I really don't appriciate you posting things about our love life on the internet for people to talk about. But, I'm sure at this second you are thinking....who cares what she says it doesn't matter. Oh to finish the sotry a few hours after he posted this he decided to break up with me.

 

OH, and you failed to mention a few things that you have done in this relationship...I mean damn I guess I"m not the only one when I'm talking to people make the other person sound bad and me sound good. Hmm...you failed to mention that a day after we broke up you cheated on me with two other girls in the same night...and I didn't even flip I talked to the girls in a good manor and I said it was all good and those two girls are now my good friends...funny isn't it.

 

Then a day after you decided to do that we got back together and THEN you told me you cheated on me. So...yeah. Pluse, aren't you the one who always is dissapearing with your friends and smoking pot and I always ask you not to do it around me and then you do, why do I ask you not to do it around me cuase you're a complete a-hole to and only me not anyone else that is around just me and I dont know why.

 

You never really respected a thing I said and about my feelings(I know now i have no room to speak, but this is way before it happened). You always forgot about me when you were out getting high saying you'd call me then call me the next day at like 5 pm saying osrry I forgot to call you I was too high.

 

How's that supposed to make me feel. I mean I'm not saying waht I did was right cause holy **** I know it was wrong. I said I was sorry and I tried to show you and i tried to help you out and i tried i tried really hard and I don't know what more I can do I guess you called the shots today though saying you hate me and telling to get the **** out and pushing me and "kicking me to the curb like you should of done in the beginning and treating me like the cheap dirty whore i am"

 

You have made me fully understand that I am the piece of **** that I am and I know i am good person at some points and I know I am a bad person and I know am a stupid person at some points and I know I am a smart person at some points. Every human being in this world can be nasty and they can be nice all at the same time.

 

I don't know how I did what I did and I don't know what to say and I dn't know what to do. I hate the fact that you hate me, but I guess I brought that upon myself and your right. You're right about a lot of things that you said. I hope you go out and make something of yourself and I hope you get the best girl in the world and treat her like she's a million trillion dollars and I hope she treats you better than ever...a million times better than how I have treated you.

 

But, in the end I want you to also remember all the good times we have had cuase we had many many many good times. And i know you love all those good times and i cherish those goods just as much as you do. I know you still love me even though you say mean things and I still love you with all of my heart and i know you don't think I do and I know you think I'm just making this all up and trying to believe in a lie, but no matter what you say and no matter waht you think I will always love you and will always be here for you if you need me if you want to even need to talk to me anymore I dunno that's your choice (which didn't sound like you ever wanted to talk to me)

 

I will always be loving you whether your around me or not around me. In my heart, body, mind, soul I love you. You are my everything and you always will be my everything. You set my life straight and you are always there booting me in the ass and I thank you for everything you have done for me. I just hope you lead a good life and become what you want to become and reach your goals sucessfully.

 

But, please if you will take this whole post off the internet and please don't post these stupid things anymore (Do what you want though), just please. I love you and I hope you call me tonight so we can talk more things out cause I know you didn't really mean more than half the things you said cuase I know when you get angry and when anyone gets angry they don't mean more than half the things they say. I really do love you.

 

I love you forever and always,

(your boombah forever)